Up In The Air

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The air would be too thin to parachute at this height. Or jump out and free-fall for that matter. But if I could snap my fingers and make it happen I'd put on a bright-yellow fireproof jump suit and helmet plus an oxygen tank and mask and jump out and free-fall for I don't how many miles. (20?) I'd take video on the way down, and I'd twitter about it too.

I'd savor the fall for as long as possible, and then pull the chute and angle myself so I land in Venice or Mar Vista. And then I'd write a story about it. Seriously -- I wish I was around to smell that ashy burnt wood-and-sagebrush scent and see the billowing smoke clouds.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 1, 2009 at 2:13 PM

comment #1

KC says ...

Man I always love when posts on here remind me of Dwight Schrute describing his dream date

Posted by KC at September 1, 2009 2:48 PM

comment #2

Gordon27 says ...

"But if I could snap my fingers and make it happen "

Remember when Jeff called the guy a pussy for skydiving with the instructor attached to him, and then people pointed out that, for safety's sake, you must do that for you first several jumps?

Posted by Gordon27 at September 1, 2009 2:59 PM

comment #3

berg says ...

According to the Guinness book of records, Eugene Andreev (USSR) holds the official FAI record for the longest free-fall parachute jump after falling for 80,380 ft from an altitude of 83,523 ft near the city of Saratov, Russia on November 1, 1962. Though later jumpers would ascend higher, Andreev's record was set without the use of a drogue chute during the jump.

During the late 1950s, Captain Joseph Kittinger of the United States was assigned to the Aerospace Medical Research Laboratories at Wright-Patterson AFB in Dayton, Ohio. For Project Excelsior , as part of research into high altitude bailout, he made a series of three parachute jumps wearing a pressurized suit, from a helium balloon with an open gondola.
On August 16, 1960 he made the final jump from the Excelsior III at 102,800 feet. Towing a small drogue chute for stabilization, he fell for 4 minutes and 36 seconds reaching a maximum speed of 614 mph (988 km/h) before opening his parachute at 14,000 feet. Pressurization for his right glove malfunctioned during the ascent, and his right hand swelled to twice its normal size. He set records for highest balloon ascent, highest parachute jump, longest drogue-fall (4 min), and fastest speed by a human through the atmosphere ...

Posted by berg at September 1, 2009 3:07 PM

comment #4

Gogocrank says ...

Sounds a lot like this incredible jump:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ7N6V-YKJ8&feature=related

This guy, Col. Joseph Kittingers, took a balloon to the edge of the stratosphere - 30km! - and then jumped. Blows the mind.

Posted by Gogocrank at September 1, 2009 3:09 PM

comment #5

Gogocrank says ...

Darn, beat me to it. ;)

Posted by Gogocrank at September 1, 2009 3:09 PM

comment #6

scooterzz says ...

'...I wish I was around to smell that ashy burnt wood-and-sagebrush scent and see the billowing smoke clouds...'

uh...here in the valley it's upwards of one hundred degrees, everything is covered in ash, the air is thick with smoke and everything in the house smells like a week after a housesitter with a cigarette habit....but your singing cowboy sentiments are lovely......

Posted by scooterzz at September 1, 2009 3:14 PM

comment #7

solus says ...

Advanced free-fall is another option if you don't want to jump strapped to an instructor for your first jump....

only pussies go tandem

Posted by solus at September 1, 2009 3:32 PM

comment #8

CasperMJ says ...

[Poster banned for life.]

Posted by CasperMJ at September 1, 2009 5:31 PM

comment #9

dangovich says ...

Thanks berg.

Posted by dangovich at September 1, 2009 6:49 PM

comment #10

Flash Gordon says ...

Jeff, you'd shit yourself and you know it.

Posted by Flash Gordon at September 1, 2009 6:56 PM

comment #11

byanyother says ...

And don't forget to wear the yellow shoes.

Posted by byanyother at September 1, 2009 7:32 PM

comment #12

Kristopher Tapley says ...

Hey, I said the fires looked "wicked at night," as in aesthetically. And I meant it. Says nothing of the "tragedy," everything of what an eerie, orange glow looks like in the dead of night as you drive into Atwater Village down Los Feliz.

Fucker.

Posted by Kristopher Tapley at September 1, 2009 10:01 PM

comment #13