Dead Bird

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New Moon has earned a fair and appropriate 37% Rotten Tomatoes rating. I'm amazed and almost stunned that EW's Lisa Schwarzbaum, the Chicago Tribune's Michael Phillips, the Minneapolis Star Tribune's Colin Calvert , the Washington Post's Michael O'Sulivan and the Philadelphpa Inquirer's Carrie Rickey could either (a) give a pass or (b) at the very least go easy on a film that is so draggy and dreary and lifeless.

Hands down the most idiotic-looking CG wolf in motion picture history. Who decided on the size of this thing? I'll tell you who decided on the size of this thing. An idiot decided on the size of this thing.

The money it's going to make -- is making -- this weekend doesn't matter. Forget. The. Money. All I know is that I felt a palpable current and chemistry from Twilight that worked for what it was, and that this special whatever is utterly missing from New Moon.

Two days ago I was thinking or imagining that I might experience more of the same, and then I saw it Wednesday night and now it's dead. The franchise, the heat, the interest, the cultural connectivity...all cess-pooled. New Moon will obviously make financial history this weekend but it's a total zombie franchise now -- it walks and morphs and vacuums up revenue and makes teenage girls swoon, but it's made of dead gray tissue and huge, stupid-looking, dinosaur-size cartoon wolves.

It's been smothered by Rob Friedman and Chris Weitz and all the other Summit bottom-liners who didn't understand what they had. They're be rolling in dough Monday morning, but they've totally killed the goose.

Kavanaugh<< previous | next >>When She's 23 or 24...

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on November 20, 2009 at 11:59 AM

comment #1

Colin says ...

I bet Kavanaugh wishes he produced this big-earns shitty movie.

Posted by Colin at November 20, 2009 12:38 PM

comment #2

Rich S. says ...

Actually, if it WAS a zombie franchise, that might be pretty cool.

Posted by Rich S. at November 20, 2009 12:42 PM

comment #3

lbeale says ...

My little girly students here at my NC university LOVE this shit. I don't get it at all.

Posted by lbeale at November 20, 2009 12:45 PM

comment #4

Colin says ...

I don't either, but it will go away in 3 years.

Posted by Colin at November 20, 2009 12:46 PM

comment #5

Terry McCarty says ...

It's safe to say that there may have been pressure on Ms. Schwarzbaum to go easy since Time Warner, in what's likely the last hurrah of EW, wants to sell copies by keeping the TWILIGHT base happy.

Posted by Terry McCarty at November 20, 2009 12:48 PM

comment #6

nightheat says ...

the money = the fans. The fans going into this thing and LOVING IT. This was never Oscar material.

I was at a midnight screening last night, 8 screens were sold out, and while it played the audience was captivated, laughing, awwing, oooing, and clapping. This is good ol fashioned hollywood escapism and the critics should accept it.

Critics = irrelevant to Twilight fans

Posted by nightheat at November 20, 2009 12:49 PM

comment #7

Terry McCarty says ...

Off-topic, but what about Betsy Sharkey's rave review of THE BLIND SIDE in today's LA TIMES?

Posted by Terry McCarty at November 20, 2009 12:50 PM

comment #8

dinovelvet says ...

-Forget. The. Money.
-It's a lot of money, what are you doing?
-What am I doing? I'm talking to an empty telephone.
-I don't understand?
-Because there is a dead man on the other end of this fuckin' line.

Gonna be watching that shit on Blu ray this weekend while the missus is out watching you-know-what.

Posted by dinovelvet at November 20, 2009 12:58 PM

comment #9

televisiontears says ...

Rich, a sexy, moody rotting corpse who can't get to close to the woman he loves (because he will eat her brains)? Sold.
"I know what you are. You're blue-green, you have gaping hole in your chest and your eye is hanging from its socket."

Posted by televisiontears at November 20, 2009 12:59 PM

comment #10

Postavant says ...

I really hate the novels and I thought the first Twilight film was the second worst movie of last year (behind Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed), but dare I say it, this is one really surprising movie. Weitz took the material, eviscerated it, and really made his own film.

http://postavant.com/2009/11/review-the-twilight-saga-new-moon-chris-weitz-2009/

Posted by Postavant at November 20, 2009 1:29 PM

comment #11

Eloi Manning says ...

Seems to be a fair bit of backlash from critics who liked the first one and now feel a bit embarrassed, so they're trashing the second. The fans don't seem to detect any decrease in quality.

It's funny to see the AICN and CHUD crowd getting so angry with Twilight. After years of juvenile shit being made specifically for overgrown fanboys, they're suddenly faced with the female equivalent and they don't like it one bit. One moron even seemed to suggest the films were dangerous because women were leaving their husbands in search of the own Edward Cullen. Fuckin' fanboys.

Posted by Eloi Manning at November 20, 2009 1:31 PM

comment #12

Sabina E says ...

HAHAHAHAHA. good. I'm sick of fanboys, so it's great to see them so uncomfortable with Twilight and with the fangirl crowd. Fucking cunts.

Posted by Sabina E at November 20, 2009 1:40 PM

comment #13

Eloi Manning says ...

http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119914

Comedy stuff. I love how they're all so concerned that women won't be able to separate Twilight from reality.

"I think you have to take into account the emotional state of some of the people who read this. In an ideal world, everyone should read Twilight and realize it's all fantasy and chalk it down to romantic escapism, and a lot of people I imagine do, but there are the people out there who build their relationship ideals on things like High School Musical and Twilight and who go to sleep every night dreaming Robert Pattinson will come and woo them"

Yeah, because teenage boys never dream of dressing up in spandex and saving the world and then banging Megan Fox, do they? Fuck's sake. Some of the negative response to this film is outright rank misogyny, pure and simple. This whole notion that women are too stupid to enjoy the film as escapist popcorn fun, and instead they're all having their worldview shaped by it. It's utterly ridiculous stuff.

Posted by Eloi Manning at November 20, 2009 1:47 PM

comment #14

Sabina E says ...

Yeah, exactly. You pretty summed up by why I feel offended by fanboys' response to TWILIGHT (along with SEX AND THE CITY, which is very popular with older females over 30s). I'm really offended that fanboys think that STAR WARS, STAR TREK, LOTR and Transformers are much more legit than TWILIGHT, when really, it's all the fucking same bullshit.

a few months ago, Kevin Smith said that his younger daughter is a Twilight fangirl and he doesn't mind it, because it gives his daughter something to bond over with other girls and that's the most important thing. He then criticized fanboys for mocking Twilight, because it's not any different from a Star Trek nerd muttering "loser" at another nerd for preferring LOTR over Star Trek or whatever.

Posted by Sabina E at November 20, 2009 2:02 PM

comment #15

George Prager says ...

FUCK Yeah! Fanboys vs. Fangirls! It's a rumble! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............

Posted by George Prager at November 20, 2009 2:43 PM

comment #16

cheaplog says ...

Well, let's go by the logic that "teenage boys dream of dressing up in spandex and saving the world and then banging Megan Fox" for a minute. What does New Moon tell us then? That teenage girls dream of suffering on a mountain of muscles before getting banged, perhaps? And what about Sex and the City? Going on a shopping spree before getting banged?

Can anyone spot any difference at all, or is it only me?

Posted by cheaplog at November 20, 2009 2:45 PM

comment #17

George Prager says ...

NEW MOON tells us that you should give up on life and just read silly books, eat McDonald's, shit fart and then die.

Posted by George Prager at November 20, 2009 2:50 PM

comment #18

fitz-hume says ...

New Moon Breaks Harry Potter & Dark Knight

"On July 18, 2008, The Dark Knight opened, setting an all new midnight record at $18.4M and just this past July 15th, Harry Potter opened to an astonishing $22.2M."

"New Moon debuted with $26.27M in 12:01AM screenings from 3,514 theaters."

http://news.screenstar.com/Article/470

Posted by fitz-hume at November 20, 2009 3:14 PM

comment #19

Pynchon8 says ...

Wait, you have a problem with the CGI wolf? Yet, you endorsed 2012 which featured a triple mushroom cloud when Yellowstone erupted. Really?

Posted by Pynchon8 at November 20, 2009 3:24 PM

comment #20

liz says ...

And that idiot was Stephenie Mayers herself. From what i heard, that how she described them in the book. Larger than your average human (or something like that). The critical response hasnt surprised anyone, especially the fans. They know how the story goes and had similar complaints about books. Pacing, character, etc.

The critical vs fan reaction is stranger this time round. Go on the some of the message boards and most fans apparantly hated the first one and thought Hardwicke butched their beloved characters up completely. That doesnt seem to be the case with Chris Weitz who they've completely embraced in their twi-bubble and are going to great lengths to defend and rally alongside him. They love this dude which is why the critical bashing that he has been getting is so funny. They didnt have that with Hardwicke. They also complained alot about the performances in the first one (unlike the critics) and overall thinks it greatly improved by the second. Its bizzarre.

Posted by liz at November 20, 2009 4:06 PM

comment #21

katcalls says ...

Eloi Manning is making a lot of sense here.

I'm no Twilight fangirl, but like Jeff I thought the first film was passable enough for what it was suppose to be - a popcorn teen romance. It had half decent chemistry between its lead stars.

I'll probably go to New Moon in about a month when the mobs die down just to give the franchise another shot.

I'm just happy someone - anyone - is making films that girls (and maybe their mothers) can relate to.

But for the record, I think think Sex in the City was stupid. Both the series - which I barely watched -and the movie - which I saw on a plane to pass the time.

Posted by katcalls at November 20, 2009 4:22 PM

comment #22

DeeZee says ...

Deaf: I'm ok with Twilight fangirls, but SATC is clearly for women with no lives. In other words, the female answer to Star Trek.

Posted by DeeZee at November 20, 2009 6:17 PM

comment #23

DeeZee says ...

Ok, I'll be nice and change Star Trek to D+D.

Posted by DeeZee at November 20, 2009 6:18 PM

comment #24

Uncle Milty says ...

I love how so many of you try to turn this into a sexist/male insecurity bullshit issue.

The fact is, the movies suck. And from what I've heard, so do the books. I saw the first movie and it was terrible.

I don't care if females have empowering movies/shows with female leads that kick ass.

Watch Buffy. That was a great show with a female lead. Twilight is basically an emo rip off only the heroine is a whiny bitch rather than an ass kicking superhero.

Quit making excuses for these teenage (and older) girls having shitty taste. There are plenty of better entertainment choices that will give them the same, or better, messages.

Posted by Uncle Milty at November 20, 2009 10:15 PM

comment #25

Gordon27 says ...

Listen, I think a lot of the vitriol is definitely misogynistic, but I don't think you have to be a misogynist to know that the 'Lord of the Rings' films, and the original 'Star Wars'es, are better films than 'Twilight'.

Posted by Gordon27 at November 21, 2009 1:35 AM

comment #26

Markj74 says ...

Star Wars and Lord of the Rings are well made though. Twilight is shocking. That baseball scene still makes me stare at the screen in disbelief that someone thought that was of a high-enough quality to release to theatres.

Posted by Markj74 at November 21, 2009 12:02 PM