Fire Escapes

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I was up in Connecticut this weekend for a memorial gathering for my recently deceased brother. And being subliminally distraught or whatever (i.e., I tend to push things down) I left my apartment keys somewhere up there -- either in the Wilton/Georgetown cottage I stayed in last night or the rental car. So I got back to the Brooklyn pad this evening and no keys. But I got into the building anyway and went up on the roof and climbed down the fire escapes and tried the windows -- no dice. So I went over to the only hotel in the neighborhood and was told it's $59 and change for four hours. A hooker hotel -- great. So to get eight hours sleep I need to wait until 11 pm to check in and pay $120 to stay in a total dump.

11:30 pm Update: I got in! 100 minutes ago I left a note for the second-floor neighbors, saying that I needed to use their fire escape to place a step ladder on in order to climb up and into my kitchen window, which is always kept open. They called around 10:55 pm and said come on over. I borrowed a step ladder from the guy managing a 24-hour market three doors down. I carried the ladder into the neighbor's apartment and onto their fire escape, but it wasn't quite tall enough. So the guy in the 2nd-floor apartment rummaged around and found a wooden fruit crate. I put the crate on top of the step ladder and, with the guy holding the base of the ladder, carefully stepped up and lifted myself up and in. Success! Good-neighbor values, ingenuity...a perfect New York story. All is well.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on November 1, 2009 at 6:54 PM

comment #1

buster keaton says ...

Fuck the movies -- this is why HE rules. What other blogger would be forced to stay in a hooker hotel after losing his keys far away from his Brooklyn apartment?

My condolences, Jeff, and certainly I don't mean to laugh at your dilemma and I hope you were able to find a comforable place to lay your head. But it is kind of funny that all this stuff happens to you. I'm reminded of Joe Btfsplk, the character in the old Li'l Abner who was followed around perpetually by a black raincloud.

Posted by buster keaton at November 1, 2009 7:18 PM

comment #2

lazarus says ...

Does the "when in Rome" thing apply to staying in whoretels?

Here's a question, Jeff: How much would a new window cost? If it's the same or less than the room, you may as well just break it and stay in your own place, then have a new one put in tomorrow.

Posted by lazarus at November 1, 2009 7:22 PM

comment #3

ROTC says ...

Not to embarrass you or anything, Jeff, but don't you have any friends who'll let you crash at their place for the night?

Posted by ROTC at November 1, 2009 7:58 PM

comment #4

nouvelle_vague says ...

you live this way for all of us jeff. Thank you.

Posted by nouvelle_vague at November 1, 2009 8:02 PM

comment #5

Phreaker says ...

No it's totally true. This is exactly the sort of thing that makes this blog unique.

Posted by Phreaker at November 1, 2009 9:06 PM

comment #6

solus says ...

This all sounds familiar...Last time there was a fire dept involved though right?

Posted by solus at November 1, 2009 9:42 PM

comment #7

Gordon27 says ...

I'm a little bit impressed at balancing a stepladder on a fruit crate on a fire escape. That's gotta take some balance.

Posted by Gordon27 at November 1, 2009 10:10 PM

comment #8

Bingo says ...

No fucking wi-fi on the fire escape again....

Posted by Bingo at November 1, 2009 11:38 PM

comment #9

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Wells to Gordon: Yes, getting in necessitated some impressive balance but you've got it reversed -- I stepped on top of a wooden fruit crate that was balanced on the top slat of a wooden stepladder, not the other way around. But thanks for the compliment. I'm a bit of a squirrel -- I used to climb trees as a tree surgeon for a living.

Posted by Jeffrey Wells at November 2, 2009 3:14 AM

comment #10

EDouglasCS says ...

My single greatest fear is travelling somewhere and losing my keys there, not realizing until I get back to NYC and then trying to get into my apartment... because I don't think it will be nearly that easy. It almost happened last time I went down to LA because I left my coat on the plane (with my keys in the pocket) and fortunately, realized it, and went back.

Posted by EDouglasCS at November 2, 2009 5:13 AM

comment #11

Stringer Bell says ...

Why not call a 24 hour locksmith?

Did you have a 2nd set of keys in your apartment?

Posted by Stringer Bell at November 2, 2009 9:09 AM

comment #12

Devin Faraci says ...

There are two types of people: those who will read that story and appreciate the telling of it and those who will read that story and start in with the 'Why didn't you try doing this?' The second type of person is always a lame drag.

Posted by Devin Faraci at November 2, 2009 5:16 PM

comment #13

Stringer Bell says ...

Devin: I'm certainly not trying to be a drag. I love Jeff's adventures.

But ...

If I had a choice between paying a locksmith or staying in a hooker motel, then there's certainly nothing to think about it. I just think Jeff's tight with a buck, which is certainly his right.

Posted by Stringer Bell at November 3, 2009 7:32 AM

comment #14