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Pirates of the Persian Mummy

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I don't know why I was reluctant to play the trailer for Mike Newell and Jerry Bruckheimer's Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (5.28). I guess it was because I knew it would deliver the same old deluge of grandiose CG that looks like nothing except grandiose CG, and the same sublime feeling of being soaked in Eloi-pandering oatmeal. And you know it'll play like gangbusters when it opens a little more than six months hence.

I love the colloquial dialogue ("Don't press your luck"), hunky Jake Gyllenhaal diving Batman-style from a great height (a mandatory bit in action epics for the last decade or so), Ben Kingsley conniving his heart out, Alfred Molina saving up for his retirement, etc. "Only the dagger can unlock the sands of time, and there are those who would use this power to destroy the world," etc. The persistent spirit of Stephen Sommers -- corporate factory candy for the toads.

Dream Gone South<< previous | next >>What It Says

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on November 3, 2009 at 8:19 AM

comment #1

moorish says ...

Gyllenhall's British accent isn't actually that bad. Of course, it's still utterly wrong for the location of the story itself, but hey ho.

Posted by moorish at November 3, 2009 9:01 AM

comment #2

Rich S. says ...

As movies based on video games go, this certainly looks like one.

Posted by Rich S. at November 3, 2009 9:11 AM

comment #3

Sean says ...

I've managed to miss a lot of the hoariest modern blockbusters -- I've never seen a Stephen Sommers movie, for instance -- but I do have to say that the levels of CGI malaise that provokes in me are almost identical to those of Newell's GOBLET OF FIRE. Who says the auteur theory is dead?

Posted by Sean at November 3, 2009 9:11 AM

comment #4

rockne says ...

What is acceptable and works in a video game most likely does not result in something that works in a movie. The rules are different. To wit: near the middle, when he jumps off the walls of the buildings to get down. That was a thrilling conceit in the game that just looks...kinda ridiculous in the trailer. In the trailer, we see him as human, and so...why wouldn't his legs break of he would fall wrong or he would hit the wall and just...fall.

Posted by rockne at November 3, 2009 9:19 AM

comment #5

Eloi Manning says ...

Gyllenhaal's British accent is very good.

It looks a bit like a Mummy film.

Posted by Eloi Manning at November 3, 2009 9:27 AM

comment #6

BurmaShave says ...

when someone uses an accent that weird in a movie with a budget that big, somewhere the ghost of Marlon Brando smiles.

Posted by BurmaShave at November 3, 2009 9:40 AM

comment #7

Eloi Manning says ...

I love how much exposition is in this one trailer. It sounds like the instruction manual for the game.

Posted by Eloi Manning at November 3, 2009 9:51 AM

comment #8

Chase Kahn says ...

So now we have a video-game adaptation of a platformer...

It looks like a big-screen version not just of the "Prince of Persia" series, but "Assassin's Creed", as well.

Posted by Chase Kahn at November 3, 2009 10:12 AM

comment #9

bildeaux says ...

An uncharted movie could actually be good if they kept it old school style.

Posted by bildeaux at November 3, 2009 10:38 AM

comment #10

DeeZee says ...

"And you know it'll play like gangbusters when it opens a little more than six months hence."

If Gyllenhaal wasn't the lead, and it didn't look more like a remake of Indiana Jones: The Boomer Years [Er, Romancing the Stone] than a movie based on the game, sure. But this thing looks plodding for a genre which requires non-stop action. And the female co-star comes off a bit dumpy, considering she's supposed to be a selling point for the male demo which never played the game. So it kind of makes you wonder what the Bruck had in mind for POTC 4 which made Verbinski jump ship. [No pun intended.]

Posted by DeeZee at November 3, 2009 10:41 AM

comment #11

Floyd Thursby says ...

Why doesn't it say "From the director of Mona Lisa Smile and Love in the Time of Cholera?"

Posted by Floyd Thursby at November 3, 2009 11:17 AM

comment #12

nemo says ...

Jeez, what happened to the Mike Newell who directed Donnie Brasco?

For a second I thought that was Vincent Gallo starring instead of Jake Gyllenhaal. Now that would have been an exciting movie.

Posted by nemo at November 3, 2009 11:38 AM

comment #13

dinovelvet says ...

"Dumpy", really? So, Keira Knightley is the standard of normal weight now?

Posted by dinovelvet at November 3, 2009 11:45 AM

comment #14

Krazy Eyes says ...

Can't say this looks particularly good but if it inspires somebody to actually make a decent PoP video game again then I'm all for it.

Posted by Krazy Eyes at November 3, 2009 12:10 PM

comment #15

Gordon27 says ...

"and the same sublime feeling of being soaked in Eloi-pandering oatmeal."

I don't think there's ever been anybody who obsessed about the Eloi as much as you who wasn't a Morlock.

Posted by Gordon27 at November 3, 2009 12:10 PM

comment #16

Bob_Roberts says ...

I remember when the first POTC came out, my girlfriend saying, "There is no way I would see that movie, except Johnny Depp is in it". How many younger women feel the same about Jake?
In the trailer, Jake seems to have some one-liners and looks nice, but he seems to lack the easy charm that Depp oozed in the POTC flicks.
I am sure this will make money (they always do), but will the counter intuitive casting really work and make this movie the big bucks?

Posted by Bob_Roberts at November 3, 2009 12:31 PM

comment #17

Gordon27 says ...

Having just watched the trailer, I admit, I was pleasantly surprised. I had no idea Richard Coyle was in this. Is it too much to hope for that he plays Belloq? Or whatever they want to call him ("Smelloq"?).

Posted by Gordon27 at November 3, 2009 12:45 PM

comment #18

DeeZee says ...

Bob: Actually, they don't always make money. [*cough* Hidalgo *cough*]

Posted by DeeZee at November 3, 2009 12:49 PM

comment #19

DeeZee says ...

Int'l. trailer now up @ http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2010/Prince-of-Persia/trailer.php

Posted by DeeZee at November 3, 2009 12:59 PM

comment #20

Ronald McFirbank says ...

I bet Jack Twist would like all the shots of a barechested Gyllenhall.

Posted by Ronald McFirbank at November 3, 2009 1:50 PM

comment #21

televisiontears says ...

So he put the dagger up his butt?

Posted by televisiontears at November 3, 2009 2:31 PM

comment #22

actionman says ...

no thanks

Posted by actionman at November 3, 2009 6:30 PM

comment #23

raquelswell says ...

I don't mind Jake's English accent. Sometimes, I find his natural speaking voice flattens his line delivery. It's worse when he narrates.

The action scenes look not too bad. The banter is annoying. Jake is uncharismatic and the girl is so cunty and plain.

Posted by raquelswell at November 3, 2009 10:46 PM

comment #24

lawnorder says ...

This film represents everything that is wrong with the industry today. Overproduced, soulless shite - and Jake Gyllenhaal has ZERO charisma. I don't get him. I never will. He's another metro sexual pretender trying to play action star. Give me Willis, Stallone, Schwarzenneger any day of the week.

Posted by lawnorder at November 4, 2009 12:56 AM

comment #25