comment #1

Sabina E says ...

My friend (a guy) just started reading Twilight so he can impress horny fangirls in hope of getting some sex.

comment #2

George Prager says ...

They'll be impressed, but not sexed.

comment #3

great scott says ...

If it's only "a shade better" than the first one, that means it won't be seen by me until, well, the umpteenth repeat on Starz.

comment #4

Mr. F. says ...

DBTP: are there horny Twilight fangirls WORTH getting sex from? Let's be honest here: most of the Twilight fans you see -- at least the ones who are 21 and older -- are, uh, not exactly the ones you'd see out at a bar or club on a Saturday night and try picking up...

My hunch is that your friend should stop wasting his time on the books and just try *talking* to them -- if these women are SO invested in what happens between (scrolling for the names here) "Bella and Edward," they'll sleep with him just for showing the slightest interest.

comment #5

Rich S. says ...

Is is just me, or has Kristen Stewart become infinitely cuter since she dyed her hair to play Joan Jett? The straight black hair and "heroin chic" eyes really suit her.

comment #6

LexG says ...

Kristen Stewart is the MOST BEAUTIFUL and charming and sexy woman alive (except MAYBE for Megan Fox), so I CANNOT COMPREHEND how there aren't DUDES lining up around the fucking blog to see New Moon, and who don't have the first Twilight on constant rewind in their DVD player.

K-STEW is beyond sexiness, all earnest and sensitive and arty, and she does that scrunched brow thing when she's trying to contain her ENCHANTING awkwardness. She is female perfection, and not since the ingenue days of early Scarlett Johansson or Liv Tyler has there been a youthful actress who functions so perfectly as an object of older male directors' (and viewers) projections and desires.

Every second she is on screen in ANY movie, but maybe especially as Bella, she is charismatic and like watching a young Brando or Dean in terms of her natural authenticity and charisma. She has a charge that is magnetic. She's instantly the best actress of her "generation" and probably since Jodie Foster. She is going to be a HUGE, HUGE star and icon for decades, long after Twilight subsides.

I realize Twilight is chick-fantasy lit for doughy emo girls who wear thick glasses and post on Television Without Pity about "bwah ha loves me so hoyay" because they're generally threatened by men who aren't Nathan Fillion...

But men need to support this series and support the burgeoning stardom of the sexiest, most awesome, delightful, charismatic, beautiful young actress in the world.

Kristen Stewart is AMAZING.

comment #7

great scott says ...

Lex, did you cum after you typed that out?

comment #8

Ponderer says ...

Wow, Lex...that was simultaneously kind of creepy and yet sorta charming as well. I'm fairly impressed.

comment #9

Mr. F. says ...

Lex: I've always wondered about your fascination with the K-Stew -- I had you pegged as more of a breast kinda guy. And if there's any one difference between her and Scarlett or Liv... uh, yeah. Maybe I should say "two differences"?

(Okay, this has to stop. This is all that's worth contemplating when discussing this stupid franchise! Get away from my Hollywood Elsewhere, you Mormon vampires! Wells: time for a good ol' fashioned gem about the Hispanic party elephant! Or the greatness of Michael Mann! Or more photos from Connecticut! ANYTHING!)

comment #10

DeeZee says ...

Deaf: What good will it do to win over Twilight fangirls, unless you're below 18 years of age, too?

Lex: Don't really care about the franchise, but it's nice to see something for girls not written by guys who want to see them act out Princess Leia/Buffy-esque cat-fights.

comment #11

LexG says ...

Large breasts are the most overrated thing on the planet except maybe for coffee.

comment #12

The Winchester says ...

"Large breasts are the most overrated thing on the planet except maybe for coffee."

And Glee

comment #13

Mr. F. says ...

And, on the subject of most-overrated things... Twilight?

In an effort to get the thread back on track, since I'm the one who kinda hijacked it: everyone thought the Potter movies were boring and by the book, until Cuaron was hired and did (the excellent) Azkaban. Does the Twilight series need the same kind of talent infusion? I'm asking as someone who hasn't seen the movies... but might if there was someone really interesting behind the lens. Would the folks at Summit ever bother trying to shake things up when the movies are already seen as OK for what they are? Is "slightly better" than the last one always a good yardstick, or should they mix things up to see if they can do better?

comment #14

DeeZee says ...

Winchester: Haven't seen the show, but it seems like Hamlet 2 without the irony.

comment #15

Geoffsongs says ...

I am in total agreement about Kristen Stewart-- she floored me in ADVENTURELAND, causing me to actually go rent TWILIGHT. The Brando comparison is right on the money-- an amazing actress with raw talent, and one of the most fantastic females on the planet.

comment #16

liz says ...

Though she's trimmed it a bit, I love her Joan Jett hair as well. And is it me or has anyone else noticed how her confidence has shot up leaps and bounds, this past 6 months? After all the stick she's been getting for appearing aloof and above it all (since she wont play the girly-girl role that the media are accustomed to) its great to see her pull off a high-profile franchise and become more comfortable in her own skin.

comment #17

LexG says ...

Yes, she was CHARMING on Conan the other night... very funny and quirky; Awkward of course, but much more game than last time around. Or it might've had something to do with Conan treating her with respect instead of cruelly leaving her out in the wind flailing like Letterman did.

comment #18

Jonathan Spuij says ...

LexG, seriously?

comment #19

dinovelvet says ...

Eh? Kristen Stewart, while not unattractive, is hardly a mega hottie or anything. You can see hotter chicks her age at any mall. Now Ashley Greene, one of the other girls in Twilight, is a breakout babe waiting to happen.

comment #20

dangovich says ...

My friend (a guy) just started reading Twilight so he can impress horny fangirls in hope of getting some sex.

Is your friend R, Kelly?

comment #21

mikeinseattle says ...

Jesus, y'all are talking about having the hots for a girl that was born in the '90's. I'm officially fucking old.

comment #22

fattyhadaparty says ...

"But men need to support this series and support the burgeoning stardom of the sexiest, most awesome, delightful, charismatic, beautiful young actress in the world.

Kristen Stewart is AMAZING."

We now return to HEAVY SARCASM with your host, LexG. Mmmm...heavy sarcasm. It tastes so sweeeet and yuuuummy! Just like the tears of a newborn.

But where was I? Oh my, yes: NEW MOON. Actually, such an epoch-shattering cinematic event must be paid the proper respect by referring to it by its full title: THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON.

Um, yeah. Well, I've seen it. Many times, in fact. It's gay. Really, really gay. In fact, every time I finish watching it , I feel like I have to wash the gay off me. And you know what the irony is? I'M GAY!!

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD (for those of you who haven't read the books or seen the trailers or the commercials. Better not read thiis!)

The main plot line invovles Bella Swan being consoled over her missing vampire lover by Jacob, the local Native American hottie. Things are really great for a while. Bella and Jacob rebuild motorcycles. They go to bad action movies. They bond. They're both creeped out by those other Native Americans who they always see cliff diving into the icy waters of the Pacific. You know the ones. THE ONES THAT NEVER WEAR SHIRTS!

Then something happens. Jacob starts going through some changes. He cuts his hair short. He starts hanging out with those guys who never wear shirts. He gets really buff. HE STOPS WEARING A SHIRT!! Jacob is gay!! Well, no. He's just a werewolf. But this is based on teen chick lit, so, actually, yeah, he's gay. Hope I didn't ruin it for you.

There are a lot of other things wrong with NEW MOON. Here are some of them.

- It's WAAAAY too long. This is a 130 minute long vampire film, AND WE DON'T SEE A VAMPIRE DRINK A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD, FER CHRISSAKES!! Robert Pattinson is barely in the thing until the last half-hour. We just mope around for the first 90 minutes with Bella and her gay werewolf friend until, hey, it's time to fly off to Italy and confront the vampire elders!

-It relies way too much on visual effects and obvious CGI for just about everything (giant wolves, Bella's visions of Edward, etc.)

-The mythology of the TWILIGHT universe is a bunch of watered-down, recycled cliches from bettter novels and films. Vampires GLITTER in the sunlight? You know who else glitters in the sunlight? Guys who've been high on meth at Tiger Heat all night.

-Almost everyone in this film is miscast or cannot act. Billy Burke looks more like a pedophile than Bella's cop dad. Graham Greene has completed his physical transformation into Joel Schumacher. Even Michael Sheen gives a campy, affected performance. About the only person who comes off as a professional is Dakota Fanning. But she's been doing that since she was five.

So, to sum up, "NEW MOON? FUCK THAT SHIT!! PABST BLUE RIBBON!"

comment #23

Sabina E says ...

ppffttttt you guys don't know. There ARE Twilight fangirls over the age of 18, many of them being college students.

ANNNNDDD not all of them are fat, ugly, or obese. There was a female who worked at the building where I was working at, she was very pretty and nice, but she was a hardcore Twilight fangirl and I couldn't believed it when she started talking about Twilight crap.

anyway I had to LOL at LexG's comment about K-Stew... I'm pretty sure he was masturbating while writing that.

comment #24

Sabina E says ...

Large breasts are the most overrated thing on the planet except maybe for coffee.

a lot of gay guys would agree with you on that, LexG. and funny thing is, Starbucks are always full of homo's.

comment #25

Skullebrity says ...

The heart and sould of this film is the muscle Taylor Lautner put on for it:

http://www.celebrityfreakshow.com/taylor-lautners-30-pounds-of-muscle-to-get-spinoff-series/

comment #26

Uncle Milty says ...

R. Kelly thinks Kristin Stewart is hot.

She has less acting talent than the keyboard I'm using to type this.

comment #27

LexG says ...

Take a seat Uncle Milty and FACE THE FACTS:

Rent SPEAK. Or ADVENTURELAND. Or IN THE LAND OF WOMEN. Or INTO THE WILD. Or THE MESSENGER. Or CAKE EATERS. Or WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Or UNDERTOW.

Maybe if you had seen any of those you'd know what you were speaking about, because she is the most exciting young actress in film today.

She's the distaff equivalent of the way everybody's been talking up Ryan Gosling for a half-decade, only she doesn't have his mannered tics and affectations. She is a 100% natural on screen, and, again, the Next Jodie Foster. She's brilliant in TWILIGHT but if you're just going by that, you're not aware of how deep and nuanced her unaffected, naturalistic style is.

And for those saying she isn't a mega-hottie or whatever... What is this, 1984 with a stack of your dad's Playboys? What, she's no Pam Anderson? She's not a beach-blanket sex bomb, she's natural and sexy and sensual and subdued and stunning in a completely different way.

I'm 37 years old but K-STEW's cinematic and popcult essence is basically the dream woman I've idealized my entire life-- slightly awkward and not overtly terrifying, extremely cool and CHARMING but can still brring the WHOLESALE HOTNESS when need be. And because I was raised in a REPRESSIVE RELIGION, my OTHER dream type is the OVERTLY dangerous Fox/Jolie type--

The TWO REIGNING TOWERS OF HOTNESS: Arty, slyly charming good girl K-STEW and the dark, tattooed, sexualized FOX.

Never let it be said that I don't come with the honesty.

comment #28

Uncle Milty says ...

I've seen Adventureland, Into the Wild, Twilight, and Undertow.

She has the body of a twelve year old and nonexistent acting ability.

She bores me.

comment #29

Uncle Milty says ...

Megan Fox is hot, I'll agree with you on that. But she is an even worse actress than Stewart.