Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 5, 2010 at 6:30 PM
comment #1
googs says ...
Ugh, so tired of the "what if _____ directed ______" youtube genre. It's gotten so old and tired it yet it still seems like a new one goes viral every week. Yeah we get it, QT is violent, Wes Anderson is quirky, etc.
Actually thought the QT opener was the worst part; Not a whole lot you can do with gameday footage to make it look like quirky cinema, but the Lynch soundscape and Anderson titles and Godard section at least were somewhat appropriate.
The QT bit is just a bunch of whooshing sword sound effects? Man, at least cut away to a static conversation, a trunk of a car, or a totally gratuitous shot of some cheerleader's feet or something.
QT's should have been two guys arguing on the sidelines for ten minutes ( in subtitled French, aside from the words "motherfucker" and "nigga") over the subtext of Brian Trenchard-Smith's oeuvre, as a cheerleader does The Madison in the background. They're finally interrupted by a screaming player being carried by on a stretcher, covered in blood, his tibia exposed. He takes off his helmet, revealing that he's Todd Bridges, and jumps into the debate. Then they all pull out pistols and shoot each other.
Lex - did the last creative work on my short today (one final day for last minute sound design); now we just need to export the audio tracks, do the final sound mix, and then figure out the best way to export for DVD, Youtube, etc.
So, for me, it was a pretty good day, yessir. In fact, since I love to set off DZ's bitter rants, it was a damned good week for me. I filed my taxes, and am getting substantially more money back than expected, and I might be getting paid to write a novel based on a screenplay I worked on a few years ago.
All I know is I'm going to see FROM PARIS tomorrow, but I'll be god-fucking-damned if I'm not seeing The Sey in DEAR JOHN this weekend too, and since I have to work tomorrow night (transcribing hardcore porn for continuity), this leaves me in the ever-manly position of planning to see DEAR JOHN by myself on Sunday DURING THE SUPER BOWL.
Dude, don't look at that as a bad thing. Everybody else there will be a woman, and they won't *all* be escaping from a few hours of their boyfriend being drunk. Some of them will be the friend they feel sorry for because she is single and doesn't care about football, so not only is she not doing anything on Super Bowl Sunday, but she doesn't even realize she should feel bad about it!
Just position yourself correctly, and start to cry when the guy dies in the war [that's not technically a spoiler, because it's only an assumption], but do it, you know, stoically. (Obviously, make sure somebody sees you tearing up, so not *too* stoic.)
The Wes Anderson is almost perfect. I thought it would've been nice if they could've included a horizontal track shot. Searched YouTube and only found one for Steelers vs Seahawks. Anyway, it's still pretty good.
I thought the Wes Anderson one was written and acted perfectly, but the costumes were horrible; rather than being Anderson-style, they were just the same costumes from other Anderson movies. Also, they got the font wrong.
But, damn, that guy does a dead-on Owen Wilson. I was trying to think back through the Owen Wilson movies I've seen, asking myself "What did they get that audio clip from?"
"...but, no, I'm not getting laid tonight either."
Probably because you're wasting time on here bragging about your imaginary money you hope to make, when you don't know shit about climbing the ladder in the entertainment industry the way Lex does.
"when you don't know shit about climbing the ladder in the entertainment industry the way Lex does. "
That's brilliant, tactically. I can't point out all the absurdities in that statement without insulting Lex, which I have no desire to do.
"bragging about your imaginary money you hope to make"
You have such a strange view of the world. Like, when you dismiss actual tracking numbers for 'Avatar' and then say it's a crapshoot, that there's no way to predict it... or, now, my taxes are filed, my rebate is being direct deposited but, according to you, it's imaginary money I hope to make.
But, keep spinning; lord knows that, as I said, I deliberately posted that just because I knew it would bother you, so I'm glad it did.
In fact, let me explain it better, because I *want* you to be upset -- the novel itself is definitely happening, it's just a question of if they can pay me enough to interest me. I might pass on it, simply because I'm more interested in my own thing now, but if I can get a decent paycheck out of it, I might as well.
Please. What kind of dumbass would reject an advance on a novel for one of their ideas in *this* economy? As if you actually had the luxury of negotiating like you're a fucking Crichton or something, son. You're just making shit up to hype your short which will probably be BT'ed long before you make any profit on it.
"What kind of dumbass would reject an advance on a novel for one of their ideas in *this* economy?"
That's the thing, it's not my idea, it's an idea that they came to me with and basically hired me initially as a technical-writer-only, to translate what one guy had into a readable screenplay. But, over a few months, I started contributing creatively. But it's not really my thing, it's his, and he's in control of it -- it's just that he not only doesn't want to write, but doesn't have a computer, 'cause he's, you know, that generation.
But, at this point, it's something I worked on two years ago, and I've never actually tried to write a novel [in some ways, I actually think this would be a really good way to write a first novel, under-the-gun and for-the-money rather than anything particularly personal, which is always more of a struggle to get out in any sort of interesting way], and I'd much rather focus on my short.
"As if you actually had the luxury of negotiating like you're a fucking Crichton or something, son."
I figure that I'm going to have to spend at least three months focused largely on this thing if I'm gonna hand in a halfway decent novel, so I sent them a fair assessment of what I think my time is worth. It's just that I'm sure they wanted to pay me much less, probably to the point where I wouldn't be able to justify to myself spending the time to make it a good novel, so there'd be no point. The thing about doing something creative for the paycheck, "selling out" as it were [and the money isn't, you know, WGA minimum or anything], is that, if the money's not worth the headache of the job, I'd rather be writing something new of my own, rather than re-writing an old story in a different format.
"You're just making shit up to hype your short"
Nah, this is under the table stuff that I wouldn't feel right about talking about in public, as it's essentially ghost writing something for them. I don't view it as a real thing -- there's virtually no chance this script will ever be made or this novel published. But it would be a really stupid promotion for the short "Yeah, I got paid to write a script once by some guys, but it had nothing at all to do with this."
The thing is, I don't care whether you dismiss it as made up or not. I'm telling you it because I know it's true, and I know that success of any kind, no matter how small, embitters you. And no matter how much you protest and try to tell yourself I'm making this up, there will be an honest voice in your head saying, "You know, Danny, he might be telling the truth! After all, whenever you assume something, it turns out to be wrong." That voice is right.
"which will probably be BT'ed long before you make any profit on it."
can somebody translate moron-to-English for me? BT'ed? I really don't know what you mean, but I'm glad that you've now leapt to the conclusion that I'm dumb enough to think that there's profit to be made in short filmmaking.
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comment #1
googs
says ...
Ugh, so tired of the "what if _____ directed ______" youtube genre. It's gotten so old and tired it yet it still seems like a new one goes viral every week. Yeah we get it, QT is violent, Wes Anderson is quirky, etc.
Posted by googs
at February 5, 2010 7:16 PM
comment #2
LexG
says ...
Actually thought the QT opener was the worst part; Not a whole lot you can do with gameday footage to make it look like quirky cinema, but the Lynch soundscape and Anderson titles and Godard section at least were somewhat appropriate.
The QT bit is just a bunch of whooshing sword sound effects? Man, at least cut away to a static conversation, a trunk of a car, or a totally gratuitous shot of some cheerleader's feet or something.
Posted by LexG
at February 5, 2010 7:51 PM
comment #3
Gordon27
says ...
If Quentin Tarantino directed the Super Bowl, DZ would be on record predicting nobody would watch it.
Posted by Gordon27
at February 5, 2010 8:53 PM
comment #4
frankbooth
says ...
QT's should have been two guys arguing on the sidelines for ten minutes ( in subtitled French, aside from the words "motherfucker" and "nigga") over the subtext of Brian Trenchard-Smith's oeuvre, as a cheerleader does The Madison in the background. They're finally interrupted by a screaming player being carried by on a stretcher, covered in blood, his tibia exposed. He takes off his helmet, revealing that he's Todd Bridges, and jumps into the debate. Then they all pull out pistols and shoot each other.
Posted by frankbooth
at February 5, 2010 9:05 PM
comment #5
BurmaShave
says ...
QT's should be Peyton Manning telling Pierre Garcon that he is afraid he has exhausted the extent of his Creole.
Posted by BurmaShave
at February 5, 2010 9:29 PM
comment #6
DeeZee
says ...
Noticed they used footage from the Eyeshield 21-legally available for free @ http://www.crunchyroll.com/library/Eyeshield_21 -anime for the QT spoof.
Anyway, I guess Republicans are right about Obama being eager to pull out the white flag-at least when it comes to health care reform.
http://tinyurl.com/yg3hbyo
Yet another Shutter Island spot.
http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2009/STUVWXYZ/Shutter-Island/trailer.php
Raimi might try to reboot The Shadow.
http://tinyurl.com/yhyhs27
Crowe is eager to do a male remake of Glitter,
er, A Star is Born.
http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/16262/crowe-up-for-a-star-is-born-remake-
Who will get the rights to T5?
http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/16260/sony-lionsgate-duel-for-terminator-rights
Posted by DeeZee
at February 5, 2010 9:46 PM
comment #7
Gordon27
says ...
"Raimi might try to reboot The Shadow."
Oh, I have a second source for that, if you're interested:
http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2010/02/trapped_1.php
Posted by Gordon27
at February 5, 2010 9:50 PM
comment #8
Wiggumx
says ...
Fuck, DZ, you spam the site with links, and you don't even READ the site? Good job.
I guess that's fitting, as you don't really watch movies, either.
Posted by Wiggumx
at February 5, 2010 9:53 PM
comment #9
googs
says ...
DeeZee, this is a new low for you. And that's saying something.
Posted by googs
at February 5, 2010 9:55 PM
comment #10
Punchdrunk
says ...
"If Quentin Tarantino directed the Super Bowl, DZ would be on record predicting nobody would watch it."
Gordon has the line of the day.
Posted by Punchdrunk
at February 5, 2010 10:01 PM
comment #11
LexG
says ...
Another big Friday night for D.Z... er, and me... and Gordon... and Wiggumx... never mind.
Christ I need to get laid.
Posted by LexG
at February 5, 2010 10:04 PM
comment #12
DeeZee
says ...
Oh, and if you're in L.A., you can drop off your e-waste this weekend @ Fairfax High.
http://www.midcitywest.org/posts/e-waste-collection.asp
Posted by DeeZee
at February 5, 2010 11:06 PM
comment #13
Gordon27
says ...
Lex - did the last creative work on my short today (one final day for last minute sound design); now we just need to export the audio tracks, do the final sound mix, and then figure out the best way to export for DVD, Youtube, etc.
So, for me, it was a pretty good day, yessir. In fact, since I love to set off DZ's bitter rants, it was a damned good week for me. I filed my taxes, and am getting substantially more money back than expected, and I might be getting paid to write a novel based on a screenplay I worked on a few years ago.
... but, no, I'm not getting laid tonight either.
Posted by Gordon27
at February 5, 2010 11:29 PM
comment #14
LexG
says ...
All I know is I'm going to see FROM PARIS tomorrow, but I'll be god-fucking-damned if I'm not seeing The Sey in DEAR JOHN this weekend too, and since I have to work tomorrow night (transcribing hardcore porn for continuity), this leaves me in the ever-manly position of planning to see DEAR JOHN by myself on Sunday DURING THE SUPER BOWL.
Posted by LexG
at February 5, 2010 11:39 PM
comment #15
Gordon27
says ...
Dude, don't look at that as a bad thing. Everybody else there will be a woman, and they won't *all* be escaping from a few hours of their boyfriend being drunk. Some of them will be the friend they feel sorry for because she is single and doesn't care about football, so not only is she not doing anything on Super Bowl Sunday, but she doesn't even realize she should feel bad about it!
Just position yourself correctly, and start to cry when the guy dies in the war [that's not technically a spoiler, because it's only an assumption], but do it, you know, stoically. (Obviously, make sure somebody sees you tearing up, so not *too* stoic.)
Posted by Gordon27
at February 6, 2010 12:07 AM
comment #16
Terry McCarty
says ...
Only the Herzog documentary parody worked for me; the rest was SLATE occupying the middle of the middle of the road.
Posted by Terry McCarty
at February 6, 2010 12:52 AM
comment #17
raquelswell
says ...
The Wes Anderson is almost perfect. I thought it would've been nice if they could've included a horizontal track shot. Searched YouTube and only found one for Steelers vs Seahawks. Anyway, it's still pretty good.
Posted by raquelswell
at February 6, 2010 5:35 AM
comment #18
Floyd Thursby
says ...
Saints 21, Colts 17
Posted by Floyd Thursby
at February 6, 2010 7:10 AM
comment #19
Gordon27
says ...
I thought the Wes Anderson one was written and acted perfectly, but the costumes were horrible; rather than being Anderson-style, they were just the same costumes from other Anderson movies. Also, they got the font wrong.
But, damn, that guy does a dead-on Owen Wilson. I was trying to think back through the Owen Wilson movies I've seen, asking myself "What did they get that audio clip from?"
Posted by Gordon27
at February 6, 2010 1:18 PM
comment #20
DeeZee
says ...
"...but, no, I'm not getting laid tonight either."
Probably because you're wasting time on here bragging about your imaginary money you hope to make, when you don't know shit about climbing the ladder in the entertainment industry the way Lex does.
Posted by DeeZee
at February 6, 2010 8:58 PM
comment #21
Gordon27
says ...
"when you don't know shit about climbing the ladder in the entertainment industry the way Lex does. "
That's brilliant, tactically. I can't point out all the absurdities in that statement without insulting Lex, which I have no desire to do.
"bragging about your imaginary money you hope to make"
You have such a strange view of the world. Like, when you dismiss actual tracking numbers for 'Avatar' and then say it's a crapshoot, that there's no way to predict it... or, now, my taxes are filed, my rebate is being direct deposited but, according to you, it's imaginary money I hope to make.
But, keep spinning; lord knows that, as I said, I deliberately posted that just because I knew it would bother you, so I'm glad it did.
Posted by Gordon27
at February 7, 2010 4:55 AM
comment #22
Gordon27
says ...
In fact, let me explain it better, because I *want* you to be upset -- the novel itself is definitely happening, it's just a question of if they can pay me enough to interest me. I might pass on it, simply because I'm more interested in my own thing now, but if I can get a decent paycheck out of it, I might as well.
Posted by Gordon27
at February 7, 2010 4:57 AM
comment #23
Gordon27
says ...
Ah, I now realize, I should've just said, "Nah, it's because yo momma was busy last night!"
Posted by Gordon27
at February 7, 2010 5:07 AM
comment #24
DeeZee
says ...
Please. What kind of dumbass would reject an advance on a novel for one of their ideas in *this* economy? As if you actually had the luxury of negotiating like you're a fucking Crichton or something, son. You're just making shit up to hype your short which will probably be BT'ed long before you make any profit on it.
Posted by DeeZee
at February 7, 2010 12:29 PM
comment #25
Terry McCarty
says ...
Actually, this Wes Anderson-as-SPIDER-MAN-auterur parody works better than the SLATE Super Bowl one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5KfHEoZDKI
Posted by Terry McCarty
at February 7, 2010 12:43 PM
comment #26
Gordon27
says ...
"What kind of dumbass would reject an advance on a novel for one of their ideas in *this* economy?"
That's the thing, it's not my idea, it's an idea that they came to me with and basically hired me initially as a technical-writer-only, to translate what one guy had into a readable screenplay. But, over a few months, I started contributing creatively. But it's not really my thing, it's his, and he's in control of it -- it's just that he not only doesn't want to write, but doesn't have a computer, 'cause he's, you know, that generation.
But, at this point, it's something I worked on two years ago, and I've never actually tried to write a novel [in some ways, I actually think this would be a really good way to write a first novel, under-the-gun and for-the-money rather than anything particularly personal, which is always more of a struggle to get out in any sort of interesting way], and I'd much rather focus on my short.
"As if you actually had the luxury of negotiating like you're a fucking Crichton or something, son."
I figure that I'm going to have to spend at least three months focused largely on this thing if I'm gonna hand in a halfway decent novel, so I sent them a fair assessment of what I think my time is worth. It's just that I'm sure they wanted to pay me much less, probably to the point where I wouldn't be able to justify to myself spending the time to make it a good novel, so there'd be no point. The thing about doing something creative for the paycheck, "selling out" as it were [and the money isn't, you know, WGA minimum or anything], is that, if the money's not worth the headache of the job, I'd rather be writing something new of my own, rather than re-writing an old story in a different format.
"You're just making shit up to hype your short"
Nah, this is under the table stuff that I wouldn't feel right about talking about in public, as it's essentially ghost writing something for them. I don't view it as a real thing -- there's virtually no chance this script will ever be made or this novel published. But it would be a really stupid promotion for the short "Yeah, I got paid to write a script once by some guys, but it had nothing at all to do with this."
The thing is, I don't care whether you dismiss it as made up or not. I'm telling you it because I know it's true, and I know that success of any kind, no matter how small, embitters you. And no matter how much you protest and try to tell yourself I'm making this up, there will be an honest voice in your head saying, "You know, Danny, he might be telling the truth! After all, whenever you assume something, it turns out to be wrong." That voice is right.
"which will probably be BT'ed long before you make any profit on it."
can somebody translate moron-to-English for me? BT'ed? I really don't know what you mean, but I'm glad that you've now leapt to the conclusion that I'm dumb enough to think that there's profit to be made in short filmmaking.
Posted by Gordon27
at February 7, 2010 1:03 PM
comment #27
kangmeng
says ...
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Posted by kangmeng
at October 31, 2011 10:53 PM