comment #1

Glenn Kenny says ...

I DO blame you, and I absolutely think it was your idea. So there.

It is interesting that the porn guys are so squirrelly these days that they go out of their way to specify that they're portraying college students.

comment #2

jackfly says ...

I hate when trailers give away the whole plot.

comment #3

George Prager says ...

They have to go out of their way to say that it's a "parody." What's up with that? Let's hope that someone isn't planning a PRECIOUS parody.

comment #4

LexG says ...

Yay maybe I'll get to subtitle this.

Aside from the merciful lack of Evan Stone or Randy Spears, not much good to say about the cast. And HD is not porn's friend.

comment #5

Wrecktem says ...

I remember when I was a kid porn actresses all looked like they'd been run over by tractors. The nicest looking ones were charitably plain.

These days, judging by this trailer, they are all knock-outs. I'm sure this observation has been made a million times before, but it just struck me now.

comment #6

DeeZee says ...

I guess I'd rather it'd be the porn industry than a shitty Hollywood remake.

Anyway, via Dark Horizons:
More blue people.
Predators pics.
MGM's Cabin in the Woods is dead in the water.
Bill Hader does Scott Pilgrim.
Megan Fox still has work.
Michael Hogan goes to the hood.
Tree won't find life in Venice?
More on Monster Squad remake writers and directors.
Atlas sued.
Hey, it worked for Munich. Oh, wait!
Breaking disgusting.
Cuaron next sci-fi gig,
Downey does the Game of Death thing with Steve McQueen.
An "edgy" Fraggle Rock movie would be Meet the Feebles.
Martin Sheen on the double.
Crowe tries to bring back the Equalizer.
Scott talks to AICN.
Raimi confirmed for Oz thingy.
Liman ready to kill.
Isn't this a remake of The Bank?
Via THR, Middle Men trailer.
Yay, another generation gap movie.
The Blues Brothers gets the Vatican's approval.
Anyone need to see Green Hornet in IMAX?
DWA's having a tough year.
Kids Are All Right clip.

comment #7

LexG says ...

"(Russell) Crowe tries to bring back the Equalizer."

That's like a license to lose money. Maybe Clive Owen can try to bring back Riptide, too.

comment #8

Wrecktem says ...

In other news, the Wachowski brothers option the rights to Simon & Simon.

comment #9

The Hoyk says ...

What happened to all the dopey joke titles? Nowadays, it's all THIS AIN'T [INSERT FAVORITE TV SHOW] or [POPULAR MOVIE]: A XXX PARODY. Are porn producers now so lazy they can't even think of bad puns? Couldn't they call it THE BREAKFAST CHUBBY?

comment #10

MilkMan says ...

Wrecktem:

Due to massive amounts of research I can confirm your suspicions. Porn has more hot girls right now than at any other time in its history. It's actually quite staggering. I could give you a list of 300 current/active pornstars that are of the non-plastic/non-dyed blonde/ non-skanky category, that are just flat-out foxes. The guys, however, are still creeps. As are the chronic masturbators who watch porn, a category I rightly fall into.

comment #11

EdHavens says ...

Hell, why even call it a parody? Parody implies some kind of satirical commentary or ironic imitation. I see nothing in this trailer that shows satire or irony, except maybe in the way Alanis Morrisette defines "irony."

comment #12

Abbey Normal says ...

Faye Reagan by the way (the redhead playing Ringwald's character) is one of the 300 women MilkMan describes.

comment #13

Wrecktem says ...

Odd that there are more hot porn actresses than ever before, yet the porn industry continues to bleed revenue. Or does actress-hotness not correlate with actress paychecks?

comment #14

EdHavens says ...

If Faye Reagan is considered a flat-out fox, I'm glad I never really got in to porn. I'll stick with my now sadly vintage collection of Playboys from the late 1970s and early 1980s. Now those were some flat-out foxes.

comment #15

DeeZee says ...

Ed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrPqpY6tfgM

Wrecktem: It's called illegal downloading. It's gotten so bad even the porn stars are doing [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U114qDMORFM]PSAs[/url], apparently.

comment #16

Deathtongue_Groupie says ...

You gotta love how they went out of their way to duplicate the basic set, right down to the torso statue but then replace the Paul Gleeson character with some MILF.

At any rate, Mrs DTG is going to get a kick out of it. Provided I can find it somewhere on the Westside. I don't suppose anyone rents porn anymore?

comment #17

Yuval says ...

The redhead looks pretty plain.
And why do people want film parodies with porn? I don't see the attraction. It's just feeding some more lame Kevin Smith jokes. God, Zak and Miri was awful.

comment #18

Eloi Wrath says ...

I'm 26 and I've never once paid for porn. Not even a softcore magazine like Playboy or anything. I'm sure there's an entire generation of guys growing up now who are just used to a buffet of free porn all over the internet. Why would you pay for a Brazzers or Vivid subscription when you can get it all from PornHub or Spankwire or any of the hundreds of other free streaming sites?

Like the movie industry, the 3D craze might help them. If they make high-def 3D BluRays that can't be easily pirated, people might start to buy porn again. But until that day I can't see a reason why anyone would bother to shell out.

comment #19

DeeZee says ...

Smurfs teaser got added

comment #20

Eloi Wrath says ...

^ Great. We were all waiting for that one.

comment #21

LexG says ...

In her defense, Faye Reagan is usually cuter and a lot sexier than she looks in this trailer.

I've seen enough porn to last a lifetime, and it's usually soul-deadening to watch at this point, but I disagree with Eloi. Literally EVERY SINGLE TIME I have ever even THOUGHT of looking at porn on my laptop, I get some damn spyware, redirect virus, or slow downs. Watching a clip on one of the sites you mention is like playing with fire, and I'm scared shitless of even the fairly common ones like YouPorn... 99% of porn sites are like a GUARANTEE-- not a risk, an ABSOLUTE GUARANTEE-- of spyware or viruses. There isn't a single website on the entire internet I'd trust at this point, after having to kiss an entire computer goodbye once from watching a single ten-minute Sunrise Adams clip from an allegedly "safe" adult site.

So the only porn I could watch at home is old videotapes from like 2003-- and trust me, I don't think Dascha, Briana or Jenna could remotely get me aroused at this point-- or whatever's on my cable's Spice PPV, which is usually heavily edited. It's either that or run to the video store and buy a 30-dollar DVD sight-unseen, because RENTING PORN is the foulest thing this side of a port-authority bathroom stall. I can't believe people actually handle discs and tapes that other guys have rented, especially knowing how lax most dudes are about hand-washing, or blase they are about bodily fluids. Hell no.

Also funny to imagine what a big deal NUDIE MAGS seemed like back in the 80s growing up. Growing up in places like WV, Ohio, PA, western NY state-- not exactly easy access to video pornography for a teenager. So stealing a Penthouse or Playboy from the local convenience store was like a fucking Charley Varrick heist for me and my low-rent crew. We'd sit around planning that shit out like Neil McCauley with charts and graphs, and on a good day someone could snag a pack of More 100s from the front display while someone else was boosting the men's mag. When I got into my teens, buying a Hustler or Penthouse was like more arousing and exciting than anything-- my heart would be palpitating and I'd be dizzing driving home.

If you told me Kristen Stewart and Taylor Swift were waiting at my apartment tonight having a pillow fight and enjoying an entire box of Popsicles, I don't think it would match the workout my circulatory system got at the prospect of a new nudie mag-- like porn didn't really exist then yet back there, or at least you couldn't get it out in the burbs, and there was no Internet. So amazing that you get older and everything becomes so commonplace, it practically takes gag balls and Sasha Grey being passed around like a Little Caesars Hot and Ready to make you look up and take note of something... Back then a fucking High Society seemed like the most extreme shit imaginable.

comment #22

MikeSchaeferSF says ...

MilkMan: the guys in hetero porn are "creeps" because all the good-looking, buff straight guys are making better money doing gay porn.

comment #23

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

"When I got into my teens, buying a Hustler or Penthouse was like more arousing and exciting than anything-- my heart would be palpitating and I'd be dizzing driving home."

Ah, you were possibly even more innocent in your youth than even I would have suspected. So these incidents occurred after your 16th birthday?

Love the last paragraph. Anytime you can work a random pizza reference into a pornography diatribe, it's always a good idea. For whatever reason, it always seems like such a natural fit, maybe it's because of the ubiquitous "delivery guy" aspect of the films? Or perhaps it's all that gooey cheese...

comment #24

LexG says ...

No, the cigarette-and-Playboy adventures were probably around age 13, 14... Usually they'd be foiled by the cashier, or one dude would bogart the magazine because he had the treehouse or whatever. Or we'd do the IDIOTIC notion of "splitting up" the mag, each ripping a few choice pages out and taking them home. It was easier to stache two or three ripped-out pages in my sports mags or movie guides. But to get them in the house without getting caught (and this was the TUBE SOCK era) you'd have to fold them into fours then stash then down the side of your hiked-up sock. (Shorts were stricly the high-legged three-stripe Adidas MEATBALLS look still.) So they'd end up all folded and frayed.

So when I got my license it was like FUCK YEAH, I'll go buy my own... except you stil had to be 18. So I'd go to some card shop/newsstand at the less popular mall. The cashier was an 83 year old woman who looked like the Grumpy Greeting Card chick, and to this day I can't believe I was enough of a douche to roll in there with a big cheesy confident smile and actually ask her to fetch me a copy of the Hustler they'd keep behind the register. And that was what would bring on the palpitations on the ride home.

Whenever I think of UNFORGIVEN or RAiSING CAIN, I think of how I saw them the same day, and even though the former is like the greatest movie ever made, I was sweating the whole time distracted during the movie because I was right near the aforementioned newsstand, and was itching to buy a nudie mag the whole time (I was fucking 19 at this point, so CHRIST WHAT A LOSER.) Later that day, after having procured said Hustler and hidden it under the floormat (of my DODGE ARIES), I went back out to see RAISING CAIN and still couldn't WAIT for it to end so I could get home and take care of business.

comment #25

DeeZee says ...

Finally found the Egyptian July line-up.

comment #26

THE MovieBob says ...

I'm not seeing any girl-on-girl, what the hell? That's like a Stooges short without any slapping!

comment #27

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

That's hilarious stuff, man. To this day, can you watch Lithgow campily struggling with his multiple-personality disorder without sprouting a Pavlov-like stiffy?

I take it this was back when the parents were rollin' around in the "new" Taurus?

comment #28

tommy5tone says ...

Lex, in all seriousness, man, WRITE A BOOK. Cut and paste your posts here and on Poland's blog into a collection of short stories. Your posts are rapidly becoming the sole reason I visit both sites.

The fact that you recognise and appreciate Faye Reagan only enhances your man-god status in my eyes.

comment #29

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

Insanely off-topic here, but the 2AM rule applies (and I seriously doubt anyone wants to read a 2AM posting on the topic of porn, anyway), but did anyone else see Leno tonight? I usually try to avoid it like the plague, but I have to admit I lingered a bit when I saw him call out Rob Schneider, and instead of heading straight for the couch he heads for the stage for some stand-up. Stand-up?

So he did his little routine (which was not very funny, unsurprisingly) and then went back to the couch to talk to Jay. So I guess it's been almost 20 years since he last did stand-up, and his old SNL Grown Up buddies Chris, Adam, David, et. al have convinced him to get back onto the scene for a worldwide comedy tour. He said he's putting all his projects on hold

Is this guy serious?

Granted, I'm no fan of his movies in the first place, and you sort of have to respect the genuine passion that must be involved in deciding to make the crazy trade-off of arduously traveling around the world for what must seem like peanuts compared to raking in easy millions while staying in LA -- but was this guy ever really funny in the first place?

comment #30

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

Last sentence of second paragraph should read:
*on hold to in an effort to "be the best comic in America (yes, he actually said that)."

comment #31

nemo says ...

"When I got into my teens, buying a Hustler or Penthouse was like more arousing and exciting than anything-- my heart would be palpitating and I'd be dizzing driving home."

This reminds me of smoking pot in the early 70s. The anticipation -- finding out who has pot, scoring the pot, driving home with the pot, smelling the pot, hiding the stash of pot, cleaning the seeds and stems out of the pot, rolling the pot -- was always a lot more thrilling than actually smoking the pot.

comment #32

Wiggumx says ...

These are some good LexG posts, right here.

comment #33

DeeZee says ...

Narnia 3 teaser.

comment #34

Eloi Wrath says ...

I got the same heart palpitations the first few times I downloaded porn. This was in the day of dial-up, and only one PC in the house had a modem. So before I even dared to search for porn, I'd made sure I'd studied how to clear the history and remove all trace of browsing activity beforehand. This was back in the day when you had to go into a Netscape .ini file and remove line after line of data, not just clear the history like you do today.

But yeah, I'd usually search for Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston nude, find some appalling fakes, yet still save them to a 3.5 inch floppy disk for future use. Then Playboy started giving away loads of free images on their previews of news stand specials.

comment #35

hcat says ...

What projects would Schneider need to put on hold to go do stand up? Building a Bird house? If he wasn't Sandler's buddy he wouldn't have appeared in a film since 95. His getting back on the road probably has more to do with being his only way to make a buck than any real attempt to reclaim former glory.

comment #36

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

Totally with you on general principle, hcat. Schneider has made some movies that have turned a pretty tidy profit, though. Presumably without too much help from Sandler and company (and if so, they certainly didn't take credit for them). But that well seemed to have dried up -- thankfully -- about 5 years ago when the Deuce Bigalow sequel flopped hard.

That's funny, Eloi. I recall when the next big thing in storage was the zip drive (remember those??). 100 whole megabytes of actual storage?? Yippee! Forget pictures, that was enough to hold a few minutes of actual video footage acquired online! Now of course you can buy a small stack of DVD-Rs, and it would take you two full days to even get through all the footage. Of course the irony now is that there's such a plethora of footage out there, there's no point in even saving any of it...it's all about streaming.

Complete and total access would have seemed damn near unfathomable to my then-teenage mind of 1998, but as time has worn on, it's had this strange side effect of extreme ennui and apathy.

comment #37

Eloi Wrath says ...

It was a nightmare when someone in the house picked up the phone during a dial-up session. Not only would it break the connection, it'd also frequently crash the browser, leading to images frozen on screen and no way of closing the window. In emergencies (when parents were heading into the room) I had no option but to switch the monitor off entirely and pretend I was reading a book.

Prior to the internet, there was always some kid who had access to his Dad's stack of magazines. There was also a local stash of magazines hidden in an actual field, underneath a bit of fallen tree. It's amazing nobody simply took the stash home, but there was a kind of honor code - you agreed to keep the library stocked full of material. Any given weekend you'd see four or five boys casually thumbing through issues of Escort or Fiesta, unable to take care of business right there, but saving the images in the mental hard drive of the mind for later.

comment #38

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

I think someone could pretty much empirically prove the laws of supply and demand using nothing but the constantly-widening access to the progressively more explicit types pornography (stories, mags, VHS, dial-up images, CD-R mpgs, streaming video).

It used to be hiding in the cracks and the crevices of society, and everybody would put an enormous amount of time, effort, and even money into acquiring it. Now it's everywhere (or more to the point, the access to the cracks and crevices is quickly becoming damn-near universal), so if it's more than a few clicks away -- let alone actually costs something -- people won't even bother. The anticipation is gone, there's no longer any thrill to the chase (which I think is actually a key component to really enjoying slutty material).

A few people have probably already gotten their Master's -- possibly even their PhD -- in economics based solely on this thesis.

comment #39

Eloi Wrath says ...

Don't they always credit the victory of VHS over Betamax to the porn industry's decision to go with VHS?

I wonder if Steve Jobs knows what he's doing when he's proudly trumpeting "freedom from porn" as a feature of the iPad.

comment #40

DeeZee says ...

Eloi: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lSrX8W9Dfw

comment #41

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