comment #1

LexG says ...

Jeff, I honestly don't understand the glee-- "Yes! Suffer!" If this was Sean Penn going to JAIL FOR DRINKING, you'd be as appalled as me or anyone else, and rightly so,. I'm not calling out just you on this, but the whole culture of class-hatred that screams "Burn, witch, burn!" when it's some hot, rich chick you arbitrarily don't like-- I imagine you'd be equally giddy about Megan Fox in some embarrassing scandal as well-- smacks of sexism and some weird desire to punish a certain "type" of woman.

Fuck, wasn't Paula Poundstone investigated on some truly queasy charges a few years back? I didn't follow the story and it seems to have been nothing, but no one was gathering with pitchforks like it was the Salem Witch Trials, because it was just dumpy ol' Paula Poundstone. But a hot chick who's perceived as spoiled has two too many vodkas, and IT'S ON.

Would anyone be this giddy if back in his hard-drinking days, Colin Farrell went on some bender, or more currently, Russell Brand? No, it would just be FUCK YEAH, that crazy rapscallion! What a REBEL!

I'm sure to some degree you're taking the Art God stance, in that since Lohan does work you're not personally fond off, she should BURN FOR HER SINS, SUFFER FOR THEM, but if she was Zoe Kazan it would just be The Man putting down a cool, gifted actress for the woeful crime of... of... MISSING A COURT DATE. Or not showing up for some New Age, bunk-ass Rehab, or whatever it was.

And since when can a judge BAN YOU FROM ALCOHOL?

And as a resident of Los Angeles, I CAN'T TELL YOU how relieved I am that that MASTER CRIMINAL LINDSAY LOHAN is off the streets. I'll sleep SO MUCH BETTER knowing that a hot freckled piece of ass actress isn't gonna get crunk on Vodka and Red Bull and shoot me in the head, or steal my stereo, or molest some neighborhood kids.

Give me a fucking break.

comment #2

AH says ...

I feel bad for the girl but she did bring this on herself. She got a number of chances and she blew them all. While some will make arguments about temptation, a horrible family life, etc., at the end of the day people must take responsibility for their actions and so must Ms. Lohan.

comment #3

televisiontears says ...

Fuckin' A, Lex. Right on the nose. This double standard is absolutely sickening. If Jeff's bloodthirsty plea wasn't meant to be sarcastic, he should be ashamed of himself.

comment #4

matt cousens says ...

I'm with Team Wells!

comment #5

moviechick44 says ...

I'd be surprised Lex if she does even a full months worth of time in county. They are over crowded anyway.
But she does need a tad slap on the wrist. I mean she was on probation and she left the country to go to Cannes and was partying which is a violation of her probation. Obviously she didn't take her probation seriously. She says she does but come one. Doesn't matter, she needs to look deep within now, nobody takes her seriously. She needs to go away, get serious about herlife and make a comeback but she won't go anywhere or improve staying out cokin and dopin and drinkin all night every night. It's about time to grow up and not blame anbody but herself.
Hey she can make a coemback...remember when we all but washed outrhands with Robert Downey Jr ? I had lost all hope for that dude and now he is top of the game. He just washed his hands with all the crap that was bringing him down.

comment #6

LexG says ...

Responsibility for what? Who's she hurting, other than herself? Let her get her swerve on and stay out of her business. The whole thing smacks of a bitter judge looking for ink in the press or looking to curry cheap favor with the rubes who hate celebrities and have some juvenile desire to see them PAY, which is doubly hypocritical after the same people WORSHIP THEM. GUARANTEE half the men on Twitter rubbing there hands with glee over this incarceration have entertained more than one sexual fantasy about Lohan, and also guarantee all the big, FAT water buffalo jealous women tittering about it buy every fucking rag tabloid magazine and foam over every lurid detail.

Nation of fucking hypocrites.

FREE LINDSAY.

comment #7

moviechick44 says ...

Sorry for the grammar errors...I'm in a hurry.

comment #8

LexG says ...

And fuck it, I'm throwing it down right now:

CELEBRITIES SHOULD BE ALLOWED to do whatever the fuck they want.

I don't care. Celebrities are fucking royalty, and scumbags in Washington get away with shit EVERY DAY that gets swept under the rug, and it's a whole lot worse than Lindsay Lohan drinking a Long Island Iced Tea and snoozing in her car. Let her drink. Fuck it, let her drive, I don't care. I'll move out of the way. One hot-ass firecrotch in the number five lane, let her through.

comment #9

Eloi Wrath says ...

Brilliant opening post from LexG.

comment #10

moviechick44 says ...

One quick one...Lex...she was on probation, that means you got in trouble got a sentance and have to abide by the rules. Don't think she took it too serious...flying out of the country to party in France when you know you are on probation ? I don't know about you, but I don't think I would have done that.
But like I said, she isn't going to do half that time. Cal. jails are notoriously over crowded. They'll put her on home arrest after a couple of weeks.

comment #11

Ray DeRousse says ...

Lex, I don't think it's so much that she drinks or does drugs, or even that she endangers other lives when she drives on those substances. It's the fact that Lindsay was caught several times in these situations and blatantly refuses to show up for court appearances according to the LAW. You or I would be required to show up to court; she should as well. She shouldn't be punished MORE than anyone else because she was a celebrity, but she should do what everyone else is expected to do according to the LAW.

comment #12

moviechick44 says ...

Plus I haven't heard anyone say if you are a fan ( a true fan of hers ) you'd want her to chill it out a bit and take life a little more seriously so your said Lindsay lives longer than 30 years of age...

comment #13

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

So fleeing probation = "yes! suffer!", yet fleeing an actual court sentence for a felony = "gets a pass from the Movie Godz?"

Interesting.

comment #14

LexG says ...

That's a pretty good point... I wouldn't entirely mind Lindsay chilling on the antics if it'll get her looking a little more like 2005, and obviously I don't want her to totally destruct.

But as someone who has issues with drinking, I have to admit, part of her appeal to me at least IS this hard-partying, super-hardcore, fuck-everything chick who's gonna steamroll right over everyone's interventions and attempts at help, trucking on Plainview style even in the face of possible jail time.

comment #15

bluefugue says ...

>Responsibility for what? Who's she hurting, other than herself? Let her get her swerve on and stay out of her business.

DUIs sometimes run people over. I realize this is insignificant compared to your insatiable lust to either a) bang or b) be certain wealthy individuals in the film industry, but it is bothersome to the people who get run over, and their families.

comment #16

Hip Hop Homey says ...

Growing up, one of my cousins lost he mother and little sister to a drunk/high driver. It's no laughing matter.

If LL had starred in AN EDUCATION, Wells wouldn't be so quick to gloat. Fact.

comment #17

Ray DeRousse says ...

... but it is bothersome to the people who get run over, and their families.

Great line, blue.

comment #18

LexG says ...

Not going to get into this argument again, or try to diminish the seriousness of the surely forthcoming umpteen "My sister's cousin's brother's niece was run over by a drunk driver" posts...

But I see 7,000 jerkoffs a day in LA traffic on their cell phone or texting, or SMOKING A CIGARETTE OUT THE DRIVER WINDOW in their left hand with ash blowing all over the fucking place while drinking a Starbucks AND fiddling with their GPS.

Yeah, there's some flyweight drunks out there who fuck it up for everyone, but anyone who's awesome should be able to handle five, six, eight drinks and drive with laser precision.

comment #19

matt cousens says ...

Lex, you're ignoring the blow.

comment #20

moviechick44 says ...

She doesn't have any good advise. If she has she isn't taking it in. The best thing she could do is go away for awhile. Almost to the point where we forget about her and then in that time get serious about career again, write that tell all autoibiography, start getting some good supporting roles and ride the wave ( barring staying out of trouble ) She should totally follow RDJ's blueprint by turning your career in Hollywood around.

comment #21

Deathtongue_Groupie says ...

Leave it to Lex to push me into Jeff's camp on this one...

Actually, no, I'm in the DTG camp on this one. What is DTG's take on this? I do not give a royal fuck about Lindsay Lohan is doing!

No one who gives a good goddamn about movies gives a shit either.

Lohan had a career and decided to piss it away. That career was being a smart, cute girl-next-door actress with incredible screen presence. There wasn't really anyone else in that group with her and she was poised to take over Sandra Bullock's old job of America's Sweatheart.

Then she, for whatever fucked up reason, decided she needed to be a hottie. Dyed the hair, started hitting the clubs like it says to do in the Hottie's Handbook. You could practically hear the career door slamming shut when that shot of her, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears showed up daring you to not think it was Photoshopped.

By the way, Lex, here's hoping the next drunk driver fatality is someone you know. I actually don't say that out of spite, but it's clear you don't have much empathy for others' pain so might as well happen where it will inflict the least emotional distress. At this point, I know far too many people who have had to deal with a "hard-partying, super-hardcore, fuck-everything" person who got behind a wheel.

comment #22

Phreaker says ...

She's a complete mess and is looking to the wrong role models. This is the best thing that could happen to her. Wake her the fuck up. Even after she got the bracelet she is still hooked on prescription meds. She looks puffed up like Elvis half the time, dim-eyed - she needs a wake-up call.

comment #23

LexG says ...

DTG: Wow, what a fucking asshole. How hateful can you be? Seriously. What a dick. Jerk.

comment #24

LexG says ...

And trust me, Lindsay was already a MAJOR hottie in Freaky Friday.

comment #25

nemo says ...

How many DUIs did Lohan rack up? Plus losing control of her car and putting it up on the sidewalk? Plus the cocaine while driving? Plus failing test after test while on probation?

If she didn't kill or injure anybody, it's only through dumb luck. If Sean Penn did all that, he'd belong in jail, too.

Some people belong in jail, whether it does them any good or not. And sometimes it does them a world of good. For example, Robert Downey, Jr.

comment #26

LexG says ...

Anyone know if you can visit someone in jail, or do you have to be on a preapproved list?

THIS COULD BE MY BIG SHOT!

comment #27

Spartan Tell says ...

LexG: your absurdity and timing are pitch perfect (at least to my ears). LMAO, repeatedly. You're on fire.

Remember that old idea of Jeff's about a movie show where the two critics faced off half-shit-faced and got it on?

You, Jeff, 30 minutes and two six-packs.

There's your ticket, Lex.

One dedicated reader ready and waiting.

comment #28

Ray DeRousse says ...

I, for one, am mystified by any celebrities who get caught drinking and driving. Can't they afford a cab at the very least, or pay for a limo/driver? Don't they have lots of hangers-on that would/could drive them around??

comment #29

nemo says ...

Danny Trejo says that jail did him a world of good as well.

comment #30

DiscoNap says ...

So she'll be 90 days late for her next photo shoot.

comment #31

THE MovieBob says ...

Yeah, I'm with pre-#8 Lex on this one: the law is the law, but the celebratory jubilation as though some rampaging wild animal has finally been caught is BEYOND lame - its sexist, patriarchal virgin-worship BULLSHIT (not just from Jeff, from EVERYONE doing the same routine.)

She's a troubled girl, but in the grand scheme a relatively minor offender. Not even any weapons charges a'la Sean Penn. If this were a guy with the same rap sheet itd be played for aw shucks comedy, and if it was a TALENTED guy we'd be seeing comparisons to Mitchum and Hopper and all the "cool" bad boy stars... But since its a GIRL who lives hard and (worst of all!) ENJOYS SEX!!!, she must be stopped and "fixed."

And when she gets out, don't expect the RDJ quickie-forgiveness either - she won't get to go be Wonder Woman or whoever and everyone writes fawning articles about her comeback and how good we always "knew" she was. Hell no! She'll have to settle, get a steady guy (no more eeeeeeevil lesbianism!) pop out some rugrats... Be a nice, submissive, grateful, deferential "Good Woman." Then, and only then, can she be absolved of her Pandora-esque sins against The Normal - and held up as a warning to all the little girls who might DARE to flaunt it.

comment #32

bushworldq says ...

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comment #33

LexG says ...

MovieBob:

10000000% spot-on. Exactly.

comment #34

nemo says ...

Lohan is talented, but the best she has to show for it is some kids movies made years ago. Her addiction has been actively interfering with her career for years now, while she's been partying with some decidedly uncool company (Britney and Paris).

To be cool, she's needs to start doing things that are cool. Maybe a reality show 12-step program for former celebrity addicts and jail birds -- but only cool celebrity addicts and jail birds. Danny Trejo, Robert Downey, Sean Penn (he's got more anger management issues, but he's a well-known drinker). Too bad Dennis Hopper just died.

And for the cherry on top, to really mix things up, LexG should host this show!

comment #35

jujuju says ...

"yes, suffer"?

you're in a sad situation wells

comment #36

lazarus says ...

Nemo, she was very good in A Prairie Home Companion as well, and was acting alongside some major heavyweights. The girl's got talent, perhaps not enough to warrant so much press, but definitely something. She's not some kind of soulless mannequin like Paris Hilton, that's for sure.

I'm half with Lex on this in that the bloodlusting hypocrisy of some people is ridiculous, but she broke the law, and if you or I had a DUI and got busted multiple times for violating probation, we'd be up shit's creek right now. The judicial court isn't wrong in giving her a deserved penalty, it's the court of public opinion that's exaggerating things too negatively. Chick is under 25 and having fun; people have done much worse.

comment #37

Don Murphy says ...

Lex- while I think there are better things to worry about and I too hope she has a comeback because she is very talented, the judge CANNOT sentence you to stay away from alcohol.

She is guilty of a crime and the judge can lock her up probably ( I haven't looked) for a year or two. In return for not doing that SHE AGREES to give the judge that power.

She could always say fucking eat shit judge, and get locked up for the max.

Happens all the time.

comment #38

dinovelvet says ...

OK what the hell does this have to do with Inception?

comment #39

moviechick44 says ...

Remember, it's not like she's going to gladiator school ( the Pen ) she's going to some kind of over crowded county jail.
She might do a week or two tops. Then they'll put her on another probation and give her house arrest.
And even if she did have to do the full 90 ( which she won't ) county is A LOT more different than the Pen.
She might even get a private cell...I'm sure her lawyer asked for one.

comment #40

Bukowski20 says ...

"By the way, Lex, here's hoping the next drunk driver fatality is someone you know. "

Stay classy, DTG.

comment #41

DeeZee says ...

Yeah, Lohan's irritating, but I don't really have it in for her like her buddy, Paris. If anything, she's just more pitiful than Hilton.

Lex: I think the reason no one cared about Paula Poundstone's shenanigans was she sucked in general. It's like you didn't expect much from her, anyway, because she always came off as the poor woman's Rosie O'Donnell. Anyway, the reason no one went off on Farrell is that Alexander was enough of an intervention for him.

"which is doubly hypocritical after the same people WORSHIP THEM. GUARANTEE half the men on Twitter rubbing there hands with glee over this incarceration have entertained more than one sexual fantasy about Lohan,"

I'm guessing if they did, it'd be for the pre-"Is she clean?" Lohan.

"CELEBRITIES SHOULD BE ALLOWED to do whatever the fuck they want."

Even raping someone with a coke bottle?

Anyway, totally not inspired by Paprika...
Netflix gets relative.
Strand gets Uncle Boonme.
Me + Orson Welles home video release a Target exclusive.
Twi-hard with a vengeance.
Don't Ask, Don't Tyler.
Deconstructing jive.
Bale is fucking distracted by a photograph.
Hood, Abduction, 'Broom cast updates.
Soderbergh Liberace thing shoots next summer.
Gershon, Glover and Patrick enter five minarets.
AICN talks to a Nimrod.
Slightly different shade of Green Hornet.
Anyone wanna talk to some schmucks?
Maybe they should just team up.

comment #42

Glenn Kenny says ...

Yeah, I'm not the world's biggest fan of drunk drivers, but the young lady is an addict and an alcoholic and needs some serious help. And the law is the law, which is what it's going to be. (See Kafka, Franz, "The Trial.")

Still. "Yes! Suffer!" I really don't get. And Lex's first post, despite its subsequent dilution, was correct: what the heck is it with this particular brand of resentment?

You know who I like on Lohan? Craig Ferguson.

comment #43

matt cousens says ...

http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/07/lindsay-had-fucku-written-on-her-nails-the-entire-time/

comment #44

LexG says ...

That "fuck u" fingernail thing is AWESOME. Seriously, she is SO bad-ass and awesome.

MUCH respect.

comment #45

matt cousens says ...

I thought you'd like that one. The videos of her crying are even better.

comment #46

LexG says ...

I hope she did up her toenails like that too. HOT.

comment #47

bitplayer says ...

I see her having a nervous breakdown and going to the psych ward. This girl can probably count the hours she's been alone in her entire life. Th moral to the story is that kids shouldn't support heir parents unless it's a Neil Son play.Rip Gary Coleman

comment #48

Ray DeRousse says ...

I hope Polansli does the fingernail thing when his time comes, too.

comment #49

Ray DeRousse says ...

Oops, I spelled his name wrong. I meant Genius.

comment #50

Quantrell Bishop says ...

Lex, this can only help your chances of nailing her. I mean, it can't get much worse than jail, so maybe she'll finally give you a mercy lay.

Otherwise, I'm totally fine with her doing time. This is more than just having too many drinks. Didn't she have coke in her pants at the police station, then claim the pants weren't hers? Or was that another trial that has yet to happen?

comment #51

LexG says ...

Coke should be legalized. It's pot that they should give life sentences for, because cokeheads are usually cool, skinny, hot and awesome, and potheads are ALWAYS assholes.

comment #52

LexG says ...

Incidentally, I am under DOCTOR'S ORDERS to stop drinking, so I'm on day EIGHT of sobriety, and it's boring as hell, but combined with exercise and my new VEGETARIAN DIET, I have lost 12 pounds in under two weeks.

At this rate, if I can lose 10 pounds a week for the next eight weeks, I will be a trim 170 and fighting weight to Have Sex With Celebrities, aka my life's one and only TRUE GOAL.

Eight weeks, eighty pounds. Then I'm-a strap on my best Von Dutch trucker hat, cock it sideways, iron the CAMO SHORTS and make sure I attach the Danzig Chain Wallet, and hopefully My Favorite Freckly Redhead will be DOWN.

comment #53

coxcable says ...

"Veruca Salt, the little brute,
Has just gone down the garbage chute
And she will meet as she descends
A rather different set of friends...

A rather different set of friends...

The one's who spoiler her
Who indeed?
Who pandered to her every need?
Who turned her into such a brat?
Who are the culprits? Who did that?
The guilty ones now this is sad
Dear Old Mum and Loving Dad"

-- Danny Elfman

comment #54

CitizenKanedForPostingThoughts says ...

"It's pot that they should give life sentences for, because cokeheads are usually cool, skinny, hot and awesome, and potheads are ALWAYS assholes."

Ummmmmmmmm...funny cuz it's not true?

comment #55

LexG says ...

It's true. Potheads suck. Always on about their bong, always talking about fucking weed, having to get stoned for everything. It becomes an entire lifestyle choice, where 24/7 their life is about WEED. Cokeheads usually just get high at clubs or to be awesome or something. Pot is lazy, it's HIPPIE bullshit. Not advocating either one, I don't do coke, I'm just saying it's too mellow, and everyone I've ever been friends with who became a pothead became an asshole in direct fucking tandem. Who wants to smoke WEED anyway? That stupid fucking bong, always getting high with other people where you pass it around and put your lips on some nasty pipe or joint that some other tool's saliva is all over. Blecch.

And everyone acting like it's all NATURAL and shit. Hey, when I can buy it in the Liquor Aisle on my club card and it's manufactured by a real food company, I'm down. But until then, no fucking way I'm smoking some dogshit that's almost certainly been stuffed in someone's ass or grown on some mildewed windowsill by the least hygenic people on earth. Fuck ALL that.

Plus the handful of times I've ever smoked, ever, I didn't feel a fucking thing. Pot doesn't even WORK, it's a total scam. You don't get buzzed, you don't get hungry, it smells up all your shit, and it's fucking stupid.

comment #56

LexG says ...

Hey, Jeff, Vinessa Hardapple Proudfoot's new identity is annoying already. Seriously, talk about re-using the same goddamn phrases...

comment #57

thatmovieguy says ...

It may sound bizarre, but consider this: Lindsay Lohan is on a track parallel to Michael Jackson's. Major stardom as a child. Surrounded by greedy/jealous/anything-for-attention relatives who care more about spending her money than they do about her welfare. Difficulties emerging from being a child star to being a mature talent. Enormous troubles coping with addiction issues. Surrounded by sycophants who hang around as long as the star is picking up the tab and/or they can get their pictures in the tabloids. Sundry courtroom dramas marked by weird behavior, poor judgment and feeble excuses. Yes, Lohan is now an adult and should be held accountable for her bad decisions and misbehavior. At the same time, look at the woman's family -- a deranged father and a would-be reality-star mom, both of whom would do or say anything if it would get TMZ's attention -- and ask yourself what kind of role models she has had to look up to and what passes for "normal life" in her world. I mean, when Paris Hilton and Britney Spears seem like people you can relate to, you must be in the throes of a serious identity crisis. And the earlier commenters were absolutely on the mark: When it's Colin Farrell, Russell Brand or just about any other young "wild man" pulling the same kinds of stunts, it's all a good laugh for the media. Lohan has done some undeniably stupid things, but she's been a target of the tabloids because the "former Disney star turned drunken tramp" has a much more moralistic ring to it than "guy who's always boozing it up boozes it up again." I've always considered Lohan to be a gifted actress with a lot of charisma, and I hope some miracle comes along to get her out of this downward spiral.

comment #58

Quantrell Bishop says ...

People don't smuggle weed in their ass, you dummy. Do you know how much you'd have to get up there to even make it worthwhile?

comment #59

LexG says ...

And while we all eagerly await the next threats-ridden, uncomfortable, unpleasant, unhinged, schizoid post from Dalloway....

I didn't "rationalize" drunk driving, I just don't think it's the HOLY SHIT HE HAS A LIVE GRENADE! crime that MADD has attempted to brainwash society into seeing it as. No one should drive drunk, I NEVER DRIVE DRUNK, I walk or get a ride or a cab, so save your moral outrage for someone who deserves it--

Like the probable majority of Americans who've driven well over the legal limit. How the fuck do you think people get home from bars all across the land? How many people do you think have a cocktail at lunch, or a few after work drinks, and are over the .08 limit? And not all of those people are MANSON-level psychopaths, they're everyday Americans having BBQs or having lunch or having two fucking beers.... They're not the fucking Night Stalker, nor do I think the majority of people are as touchy-feely about it as some of you guys are.

comment #60

Anthony Thorne says ...

"Yeah, there's some flyweight drunks out there who fuck it up for everyone, but anyone who's awesome should be able to handle five, six, eight drinks and drive with laser precision."

Lex, you're a fucking idiot. I'll be avoiding your posts - caps, juvenile ramblings and repetitive stalker ramblings about young actresses - from here on out. Go fuck yourself.

comment #61

LexG says ...

Your loss.

But for the sake of argument-- and I'm SURE you'll be "avoiding" my follow-up: Have you ever consumed alcohol? Okay, if yes... did you enter some LSD-like ALTERNATE PLANE OF CONSCIOUSNESS? Where if, after two or three beers, you'd be hallucinating and thinking you can fly and that your car is a magical spaceship? Do you think the average adult male is careening recklessly out of control after two, three beers? Even four beers?

You can argue reaction time, and you'd be correct, and again I DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE, I DON'T ENCOURAGE IT.... I just think a lot of the BAC laws are a little low, to where perfectly sober people have lost licenses and done jail time because they got nabbed at a random checkpoint after two or three cocktails OR LESS.

YES, that is the side to err on, YES it's better to be strict than too lenient when it comes to this, and again I AM ANTI-DRUNK DRIVING.

My only point, to the extent that I have one, which I don't, is that I don't view everyone who's ever had three beers and driven a couple blocks on surface streets to their apartment -- which is 99% of the population, I'd guess, at least ONCE in their life-- I don't view them as some violent ATTEMPTED MURDERER who should be chained up like the Count of Monte Cristo and shamed for life if they get pulled over at a random checkpoint without having done anything wrong.

comment #62

Quantrell Bishop says ...

Is this trial for that night when Lohan took someone's car and chased that woman? The one where she had cocaine in her pants? Sorry, I mean the one where the cops found cocaine in her pants at the police station, and she said they weren't her pants.

I get so confused between offenses, I have no idea which charge(s) this idiot is paying for right now.

I'm fairly certain, however, it was for more than drinking 3 beers.

comment #63

Bukowski20 says ...

I forget, did Wells defend Roger Avary or want the book thrown at him after he killed a guy?

comment #64

LexG says ...

Blecch...

Was out getting some exercise, came back and re-read some of my alleged gems in the latter half of this thread... Eh, I'm being kind of a flippant asshole about drinking thing. Doubt anyone gives a shit really, but never hurts to admit when you're being a douche, and I'm being a douche. Not saying that because of anyone's posts, or because anyone told me to...

I'm just being a douche. Sorry if I actually offended anyone. And certainly if someone gets injured or worse from a DUI asshole, it's the furthest thing from something to be glib about.

As Stephen Dillane awesomely says in 44 INCH CHEST, I'm kind of "wearing the cunt hat" on this, so, you know... I'll just stick to ogling Lindsay and shut the fuck up on what constitutes a strict BAC.

comment #65

Wrecktem says ...

The only douche around here is coxcable, who attributed Roald Dahl's words to Danny fuckin' Elfman.

comment #66

HoopersX says ...

I really have no dog in the Lilo hunt but there is one thing I think nobody is talking about.

Lilo, obviously has some substance abuse issues. Coke being one of them. To my mind she is gaming the system. Reportedly, she is on Dr. prescribed Ritalin for ADD/ADHD. Also, shortly after her bond hearing, she told the court she was having her wisdom teeth removed, i.e. Vicodin or better for the pain. So now she can hit uppers & opiates with impunity since drug tests dont distinguish between coke & ritalin or heroin & vicodin/oxy. Aside from alcohol, she can use pretty much anything she wants & blame dirty tests on her prescriptions. I doubt the 90 day rehab will allow that to continue.

I really hope she straightens herself out. But right now, to me it looks like she is using Dr. ordered presciptions to allow herself to continue to get high.

Just an observation.

comment #67

Quantrell Bishop says ...

Wow, Wrecktem, I didn't even catch that. Brutal.

Lex, you're a better man than most of us for even admitting that or backing down. Class move.

comment #68

Markj74 says ...

LexG, you realise you could have made about 100 short films showcasing your acting in the time you've spent on here writing about K-Stew and LiLo?

Just trying to help wake you up. Life is short.

comment #69

Wiggumx says ...

LexG is honest and not riding his high-horse all around the internet. I dig him for that, and other things.

And almost everyone I know has driven drunk-ish at one time or another. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it legal, but it fucking happens. That's what he's saying, sort of.

All of you people on high horses need to think a bit. You've NEVER broken the law? You can just come on here and quickly cast stones?

comment #70

HoopersX says ...

Opps, I was mistaken. She is on Adderal & Dilaudid. Prescription speed balls! Just b/c its prescribed doesnt make it legit.

comment #71

Quantrell Bishop says ...

I'm not siding with the puritans by any means, but I think there's a bit of disparity between me driving after a few beers and Lohan using a stolen/"borrowed" vehicle and chasing her former assistant at high speeds while intoxicated, then getting caught with cocaine in the police station (which, depending on the judge, could be made a federal crime), and then getting into another DUI situation, and THEN getting assigned a mere probation for all of this shit, and THEN repeatedly violating that probation.

I think most reasonable people, if given this many chances at dodging the bullet, would have done the smart thing and laid fucking low for a few months. No one is throwing the book at this woman. She got more than her fair share of the typical celebrity treatment afforded stars like her. She's still getting off easy. If you or I had done any one of the myriad things that got her to this place... say, carried narcotics into a federal building... we'd be doing time.

Yes, sure, lots of us have driven after too many drinks. That's the tip of the fucking iceberg here. If we're counting stones cast, Lohan is chucking them by the truckload to every one being tossed her way.

comment #72

Homie Cat says ...

Hopefully, she'll get her life sorted out. If there was any justice in the world, her douche parents would be in the slammer instead for what they've done to her.

comment #73

Bob Violence says ...

I hope she gets shanked for her alcoholism/violating probation/being rich and famous/Herbie Fully Loaded

suffer, burn, blah blah blah

comment #74

Phreaker says ...

More Dalloway. Less LexG.

And this:

"That "fuck u" fingernail thing is AWESOME. Seriously, she is SO bad-ass and awesome."

Maybe to dumb young children it's awesome. Out in the real world it's just another stupid thing to make adults want to punish you even harder. Growing up is hard to do. Lindsay will have to do it. You should try it too, Lex.

comment #75

Versus says ...

I interpreted Jeff's "yes, suffer" statement kindly. Lilo is a talented young woman who is saddled with a horrible family, terrible friends, and abysmal management. No one around her has looked out for her. That said, suffering is a condition that often leads to reflection. And Lilo needs to reflect. She can't in her current world. So my hope is that this helps her change her life for the better: Get sober. Go to college. Get new friends. And return to acting.

comment #76

Circumvrent says ...

My feeling is if she takes it seriously, does her time, gives rehab a genuine shot, then like Martha Stewart or even Paris Hilton (to a lesser degree) she'll come out of it better than she came in, in life and career.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_9EtHhPeI0&NR=1

comment #77

Ryansi51 says ...

^^^ Agreed ^^^

I'd like LessG, thanks.

comment #78

citizenmilton says ...

Thank the Movie Godz - I will interpret this as the long overdue punishment for something more vital - she's getting 90 days for bringing distractions and interruptions to Robert Altman's final film, which could've been as elegant and graceful an exit as possible, if not for her presence.

comment #79

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Wells to Versus: Thank you.

comment #80

larry braverman says ...

Another perfect case for either getting an editor or getting some balls.

Or at the very least admitting you made an edit (instead of thanking people that are obviously responding to comments about your ORIGINAL post/tone/headline)

Let's see if you change your 'Minor Scuffle' post on the sly as well...

comment #81

boldnative says ...

Not enjoying LexG's posts indicates a distinct lack of a sense of humor. And calling something juvenile is the worst insult ever... kids are awesome. No juvenile has ever come close to the kind of evil bullshit foisted upon the world by adults who take things seriously.

comment #82

matt cousens says ...

The edits here are bizarre.

comment #83

bobbyperu says ...

Bold-

No, calling something juvenile is not the worst insult ever, the word has a definition -- look it up. It ain't a compliment.

And thanks, but my sense of humor is totally intact, just not amused by a flurry of "clever" daily perspectives that have become more than an annoyance.

comment #84

longrunner says ...

Don't worry, Dalloway. You're not the only one paying attention.

comment #85

boldnative says ...

Juvenile - "of or relating to or characteristic of or appropriate for children or young people"
Sounds like a compliment to me.

comment #86

LexG says ...

To the regular, reputable HE regulars like Ryans51, Phreaker, and bobbyperu who actually dislike me so much they're giving Dalloway dap, go on up and read POST 56, particularly the last two paragraphs.

This is the CLASS ACT you're siding with over me.

Then go back and look up all the posts of Shep Proudfoot, Vinessa Shaw, M Hulot, and Vern Hardapple. It's the same guy. it's Dalloway. It is incredibly obvious and has already been called out on multiple threads. Somehow Jeff has missed it, but whatever. It's the same person.

The same person whom Jeff has banned multiple times for personal threats, attacks, and other class acts, including pretending to literally be the actress Vinessa Shaw, for insulting Jeff (and his speaking voice, of all things) at every turn, for claiming to know where certain public-figure posters live, for threatening to report HE posts to the posters' EMPLOYERS; In various guises, he's pretended to be a day player actor, an industry accountant, Vinessa Shaw (literally), a man, a woman, and an abuse victim who had just attended the trial for his former attackers.

It is absolutely the same guy, and if you're siding with "Dalloway" over me, you should go back and research some of the deeply disturbing things they've posted over time on this blog, and the way they've returned time and again (usually every 2-3 weeks) to THREATEN or wish physical harm upon posters, often falling back on "I know who you are, I've seen you in public" type threats.

Wells bans them anew, and they simply return. A lot of people call it out every time, but few want to really engage them, because their attacks are so personal, threatening, humorless, and disturbing.

comment #87

goodvibe61 says ...

Quite a thread this one.

Does any movie lover really care in the slightest what happens to this girl? No.

Why: Whenever you show you have some talent, that you could have a career, but then you so obviously show that you don't care in the slightest about it, you've left the movie mythologizing world for the TMZ world, and most people with brains don't care any more.

This girl is obviously a pretty hard drug addict at this point. She's certainly incapable of any introspection, hers is NOT a self examined life (that would interrupt her appointments with the next peroxide bottle and the next club date). So really: who cares?

In and of itself though that video of her crying in court was worth a pretty darn good laugh. It's just so absurd at this point. And it was pretty good for a laugh. She's an 'actress' after all. Being photographed with blow in the south of France one minute, while telling a judge that you tried your best the next...c'mon, it was funny stuff.

As for the whole argument on here about drunk driving: Not funny. Any of it really. Even the poster that seems to be encouraging her to keep it up and kill herself or some innocent bystander. I don't wish that self destruction on anyone, let alone cheer it on.

What she's done isn't huge in the grand scheme. But the law is the law, and I'm not a member of the 3DUI fan club or anything like that.

So who knows? Maybe this will actually wake her up or something. I don't think we should hold our breath or anything though..

comment #88

The Winchester says ...

Seriously, what the hell does this have to do with Inception?

comment #89

matt cousens says ...

Lex, not that I'm siding with Dalloway, but you say some pretty rediculous things, and side with celebs who do awful things which you think are awesome. But, whenever anyone takes you on, you cry foul, get cranky, kick your feet, etc. Your posts are unbelievably bi-polar.

comment #90

coxcable says ...

LexG we get it... this commenter character you have created is a vulgar, lonely, wrong-headed movie buff.

Maybe it's time for a new character. Maybe an oversexed gay European commenter. "SexG" Or an immigrant commenter from Kazakhstan who tests the boundaries of over-polite Americans. "BorexG"

Also... wouldn't it be hilarious if they can all talked to each other?

And Wrecktum, you got me. I was smart enough to make the relevant reference but had absolutely no idea that the slightly altered Elfman song was based on the poem by Roald Dahl.

You are a very smart man. And now we all know it.

comment #91

LexG says ...

Because I want to be liked, that's all. I like to think people are just enjoying an obviously goofy shtick, and then when Deathtongue Groupie (or whoever) comes along with some way above-the-call wishing of ill or personal attack, I'm like, who are you, Nurse Ratched? I'm just trying to AMUSE somebody on a goofy BLOG, I'm a fairly open book about my failings, and everything I write should be taken with a grain of salt.

The idea that anyone comes back at my generally good-natured and ENTHUSIASTIC postings with some super violent threat or deeply personal insult, it catches me way the fuck off guard, because how can ANYONE get worked up about anything I say? How can anyone NOT think I'm funny? I'm the funniest blog poster IN THE WORLD, and anyone who DOESN'T think it's funny clearly has NO SENSE OF HUMOR, or is someone who'd side with Nurse Ratched over RP McMurphy, with Eli over Plainview, with the fat humorless Hispanic lady on SURVIVOR instead of Russell Hantz.

comment #92

longrunner says ...

I prefer Dalloway's posts (regardless of handle) over LexG's, which I find icksome.

comment #93

LexG says ...

Yeah, longrunner, this wasn't icksome:

"And think about it. It might be good for you to have small vagina-like wound. Then you can finally get some by way of onanistic reinvention. And that can only be a good thing. You will finally get some pussy (albeit your own leg-pussy), and one you didn't have to pay for, and that might make you happy, and then maybe, just maybe, you'll stop behaving like a pedophile for awhile."

Or the time he physically threatened Glenn Kenny, or threatened to get someone fired from their job for their posts, or made fun of Jeff's alleged "lisp," or pretended to be a molestation victim under one of their handles, or the umpteen times he's pulled the "I know who you are and where to find you" card, or has personally threatened Jeff with any number of vile insults.

comment #94

Wiggumx says ...

Dalloway is creepy.

comment #95

raygo says ...

Humorless blog commenters such as Longrunner and Dalloway are tiresome. We're discussing Lindsey Lohan, for god's sake. Fact ... people tune in to see how Jeff can ruffle some feathers and watch the click count ratchet up. Take away Lex's amusing rants and we're left with what, exactly? The musings of Dalloway? No thanks. Too bitter for my tastes.

goodvibe61 ... very nice summation.

coxcable ... nice Wrecktum retort.

comment #96

MattyC says ...

Seriously,

Fuck Dalloway.

Right up his/her stupid ass.

Just a Nagging, Unfunny, twat.

Like the worst Jiminy Cricket, I'm-always-on-your-shoulder-telling-you-when-you-fuck-up little WHINER.

Like sometimes when Gordon won't stop needling DZ, to the point where it's just ridiculous, that's kinda how Dalloway is with Jeff.

***We get it, he edited the post*** It's a blog post about movie quotes, not the fucking Warren Report.

Lex, don't ever change. Keep your head up.

comment #97

Chicago48 says ...

LexG: You're out of line. You forget this was about a DUI???? She was driving drunk and hit a car or a tree or something. And it's been 3 years of her ducking punishment and making excuses.

Jeff asked if she's marketable and if the Inferno people can raise money -- they already have the money, they're waiting for her to get out of jail so they can start filming. Is she marketable? She's a celebrity, if the other D-list celebrities can make money off of their faces and no talent, then she can too.
Watch the tape very closely. When the judge lists all the times she missed classes and other infractions, she turns to her attorney with "What?" And the attorney doesn't even look at her. You know why? Because the attorney is probably exhausted from trying to keep her in line and telling her what she should/should not be doing and Lilo has NOT listened.

Good for the judge. Go to jail baby.

comment #98

Bukowski20 says ...

Lexg isn't perfect but Dalloway (assuming he is all of those usernames) is a sick fuck based on past postings.

comment #99

C.C. Baxter says ...

Why can't LexG go to jail instead of La Lohan? At least I'd be able to enjoy reading Hollywood Elsewhere for 90 days. His douchebag character shtick is so tired and annoying, and it's taken over this blog. It's not funny, it's stupid.

comment #100

Chicago48 says ...

Okay, this may be off topic, but didn't Winona Ryder have a little trouble with shoplifting? or something like that? She was not heard from for years and then made a comeback in a small role with Star Trek and she's been under the radar for years now. I think that's Lilo. I never thought she was all that talented as an actress, I only saw her in a couple of movies, and she impressed me as being another "girl" actress, nothing special like Rachel McAdams special. Or Marion Cottillard special. And as for her "potential"....hmm....she's got a long ways to go....time is passing her by. I doubt we will see her in any Major movies soon...only the indies.

comment #101

LexG says ...

C.C. Baxter: Another Internet dork with no sense of humor about movies, life, anything. Anyone who doesn't think I'm funny is an instant asshole.

What's it like going through life as John Lithgow in FOOTLOOSE? Fucking schoolmarms.

comment #102

Eloi Wrath says ...

Why is it all the no-mark, one-comment-every-six-months douches who are getting all up in arms about LexG? Surely if you want to steer the discussion another way, you should actually post something once in a while?

comment #103

G.N.A. says ...

I'm glad at least Jeff acknowledged that she is indeed a talented actress. THE PARENT TRAP was on ABC Family over the weekend and I watched most of it. She really was quite wonderful, giving two entertaining performances.

comment #104

George Prager says ...

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Wells to Kenny: Shep Proudfoot has been deep-sixed. No worries.

comment #105

Wrecktem says ...

'You are a very smart man. And now we all know it."

It's about time someone said this.

comment #106

Admiral82 says ...

I don't post near as much as some (most?) of you. I'd follow Lex to the end of the Earth. He's always spot on and highly entertaining.

You whiners are all fucking lame. Jeff has a good, insightful blog about all things cinema and whatever else, and all you fucking people inundate it with palaver. Frankly, I don't post here because of "you fucking people."

comment #107

Sun Damaged Quiff Man says ...

Dalloway, why even come here, you creepy fucking scumbag? I think it's time you ran along and found a new handle...you've been exposed as the cretinous irk who likes to pretend he knows where certain film critics live and stand on the corners of their street, watching them while jerking off under your raincoat. It's YOU who needs locking up, you fucking fruitcake.

comment #108

longrunner says ...

raygo, just because my sense of humor isn't the same as yours, you determine that I don't have one? That's idiotic.

comment #109

Phreaker says ...

Lex, it's quite obvious that you are creating new nicks and defending yourself. Either that, or you have some really good friends willing to go to the line for you.

comment #110

Sun Damaged Quiff Man says ...

Sorry Phreaker, you are not a winner. Now hop back on Dalloway's creepy dick, ya dizzy broad, ya.

comment #111

matt cousens says ...

"First of all, if any of you feel even slightly sorry for Lindsay Lohan. Fuck yourself. Seriously. Shit in your hand, fuck yourself, then jump into a nuclear reactor. She's a narcissistic sociopath who has pissed and snorted away every single chance she has ever been given and repeatedly laughed in the face of the law."

http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2010/07/dina-lohan-is-in-denial-lindsay-is-a-drug-addict.html

comment #112

matt cousens says ...

Cracks me up.

comment #113

moviechick44 says ...

Like I said, I'd be very surprised if she served the full 90 days. The jail's in LA are over crowded. How much time did Paris get ? Actual in the cell time ? And she broke probation twice. If Lindsay pays all her fines up to date, they may give her 2-3 weeks and send her to a halfway house or drug facility. They are going to MAKE her self examine her life. She'll have a lot of time to reflect. What else can you do in those places.
If she has half a brain she'll first think " what the hell am I doing here ? "

comment #114

matt cousens says ...

Guards at the facility say that people there generally do 25% of their sentence. She'll do 20 days or so, tops...Her dad is quoted as saying he's gonna call her from the bar to make her jealous. really.

comment #115

Ray DeRousse says ...

I'm confused. One hundred and twenty three comments over an argument about which anonymous poster is the most popular on someone else's movie blog?

Hm. Bizarre.

Carry on, then.

comment #116

NickF says ...

Throw away the key was a better title.

Why pussy out and change it?

comment #117

Ghost072 says ...

Geez Louise, some serious ridiculousness going on in this one. I've given Lex some crap occasionally for his some times tired schtick, but criminy, some of the ire is just way over the top. We are talking about Lindsay fucking Lohan here, right?

To keep it positive, my favorite things about the thread so far:

1. The Winchester's insistent queries as to how this brouhaha relates to Inception.

and

2. Lex's "What's it like going through life as John Lithgow in FOOTLOOSE?"

That's gold, Jerry. Gold!

comment #118

Wiggumx says ...

"What's it like going through life as John Lithgow in FOOTLOOSE? Fucking schoolmarms."

That's funny shit.

"Lex, it's quite obvious that you are creating new nicks and defending yourself. "

I've been around for years, and I've been reading Wells since his PoopShoot days. I'm not a Lex creation. I got into it with Prager years ago over Kevin Smith, which Smith even quoted on his blog. So, either Lex planned *way* ahead for this day, or perhaps he's not making up new nicks to defend this silly point.

comment #119

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Mistuh Dalloway, he dead.

comment #120

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Wells to Larry Braverman: I can and will change anything I want, whenever I want, if and when the mood changes or suits or whatever. I am the Lizard King -- I can do anything. And it's all about keeping things in flux, being adaptable, being open to whatever tremors or instincts or subliminal urges occur. I'm not the managing editor of the Kansas City Star in 1957 with a deadline approaching and final edits being applied downstairs before the presses roll. This is a fluid and sometimes cantankerous Thelonious Monky jazz column. I always reserve the right to tweak, modify, edit, change, add and, yes, sometimes, if the urge is strong or persistent enough, wimp out. Wimping out is part of human nature from time to time, so the freedom to wimp out is there -- and so is the freedom to decide later on that I shouldn't have wimped and thereafter a decision to restore whatever it is or was that I may have wimped out on in the first place. That said I stick to 97% of the stuff I put down initially. Make that 98%. Oh, and if I decide to edit this very post I'm writing right now? Then I will do that. Live with it or leave or whatever.

comment #121

The Winchester says ...

Thanks Ghost, but credit goes to dinovelvet who beat me to the punch way in the beginning before the shenanigans. I merely continued it.

The irony? I've been limiting my HE reading until I actually see Inception, avoiding every article or anything that mentions it at all, as I don't want to know anything about it until it's unspooling right before my eyes.

comment #122

larry braverman says ...

Appreciate the honest response, Jeff.

Stay cool.

And since you've referenced the Lizard King, let me end with one of my favorite quotes:

"I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments."

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