Watch Your Ass

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If this was a film and Lindsay Lohan was playing a character like herself, listening to the warnings of a judge in court, I'd be geninely impressed. Because she's not "acting" here, and yet her dolled-up face is a portrait of torrential contradictions. She's nodding and going "yes, Your Honor" but it's obvious she's not there. She's quietly livid because she's finally begun to understand that her life is really and truly fucked. Lohan is a very fine actress, but in high-end Hollywood circles she's seen as beyond repair.

For A Moment...<< previous | next >>Last 2010 Oscar Shot

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 9, 2011 at 8:59 PM

comment #1

Kakihara says ...

Not that I'd normally agree with Lex on this, but a felony for a friggin' necklace is a bit over-the-top here. I mean, if they were gonna threaten her, it should've been for the DUI.

Posted by Kakihara at February 9, 2011 9:21 PM

comment #2

phantasmata says ...

boning her would be like having sex with a hooker: bad skin, coke, expensive, and a high probability of being robbed.

Posted by phantasmata at February 9, 2011 9:26 PM

comment #3

DiscoNap says ...

phantasmata, I get the feeling you think that about every girl.

I'm being completely earnest when I say Lindsay needs to shack up with Charlie Sheen. When the student is ready, the master will appear.

Posted by DiscoNap at February 9, 2011 9:31 PM

comment #4

phantasmata says ...

Disco:

you got me there.

Posted by phantasmata at February 9, 2011 9:32 PM

comment #5

Kakihara says ...

BTW, as for her chances of a come-back, well everyone thought Downey was over, once, too. So it's just matter of whether she wants to change her game, and sober up already. She's still got *some* looks left, so that's not an issue. She just needs to up her standards again.

Posted by Kakihara at February 9, 2011 9:35 PM

comment #6

scooterzz says ...

"Lohan is a very fine actress..."

um...no.....she's an actress...just an actress....

Posted by scooterzz at February 9, 2011 9:38 PM

comment #7

arispil says ...

I think she IS actually taking this seriously now. She'll be fucked if she breaks any laws now, and it's clear. Looked to me like she gets it. But I dont give a shit either way.

More importantly, however, what happened to her lips?

Posted by arispil at February 9, 2011 10:03 PM

comment #8

raquelswell says ...

This is how all actresses should look like whenever they step out of their house.

Posted by raquelswell at February 9, 2011 10:05 PM

comment #9

LexG says ...

LOOK AT HER!

Posted by LexG at February 9, 2011 10:14 PM

comment #10

patches23 says ...

She still doesn't have anybody/won't let anybody near her who will give her decent advice and call her on her shit.. That''s obvious. She should have gotten that much out of rehab. No sponsor? The dress is too short for one thing. This isn't the photo op before a premiere. She should have worn a suit with a skirt below the knee. Hot doesn't count when your ass is on the line. Then the judge and her parole officer might see she's taking this seriously and have respected her just a little more. She needs to call Downey and have him read her the riot act, somebody who's been through it.

Posted by patches23 at February 9, 2011 10:45 PM

comment #11

patches23 says ...

On the other hand, that dress would be perfect for a remake of the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct.

Posted by patches23 at February 9, 2011 10:52 PM

comment #12

AH says ...

As far as a movie career goes, she's done. Its not just that pretty much no one will insure her, its also because, as an actress, her personal and professional lives are very much connected. Actors generally don't have that problem, Charlie Sheen is an example of that, but actresses do; unfortunately, that's how it is in the public's eye. Also, can we stop comparing her to RDJ. He is way, way more talented than Ms. Lohan.

Posted by AH at February 9, 2011 11:46 PM

comment #13

Rashad says ...

The Parent Trap is still one of the finest performances put on film. Oscar gold unfairly eluded her on that one.

Posted by Rashad at February 9, 2011 11:52 PM

comment #14

LexG says ...

Following up on AH's point, she should start a rap career or something.

It's true that actresses can't do this much low-rent shit and score this many negative headlines and still be taken seriously as an actress, etc etc. But the exception to all the rules is if you're an R & B or hip-hop star of either gender, then ALL rules go out the window, via some crazy showbiz logic. Like Ice-T can clock in for cameo appearances in porno movies and still qualify for NBC prime time, Snoop can be a figurative and literal pimp and roll with Elmo in between sparring on screen with Denzel, TI can do a Ridley Scott movie in between jail stints, 50 Cent can go segue from porn to Vitamin Water to shooting scenes with De Niro... even pop diva J. Lo can do the lowest rent reality TV shit (not AI, but think that MTV dance competition show she had) then pop back into big-time features.

When he was at his height, Tupac was ALWAYS involved in some low-rent shit firing off guns in public places, and was still getting movies opposite Tim Roth or directed by John Singleton. Nobody ever really had a problem suspending disbelief when watching his skilled, sensitive film work.... and in some ways Lindsay has that bipolar Tupac appeal where she can be the greatest actress in the world, or she can just be absolutely an impossible pain in the ass sabotaging everything in her wake.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 12:04 AM

comment #15

Rashad says ...

Lindsay Lohan: the new Tupac

Posted by Rashad at February 10, 2011 1:09 AM

comment #16

THE MovieBob says ...

And for what must be the 502nd time this WEEK, Charlie Sheen thanks God that he wasn't born a woman... and thanks Satan for double-standards.

Posted by THE MovieBob at February 10, 2011 1:28 AM

comment #17

Buk94 says ...

Regarding the "double standard" with Lohan and Sheen. It's complete bullshit. It's not that Sheen is a man. It's that he's more popular and vital to a money making machine than Lohan. What was Lohan's last real big hit? Mean Girls? What was that, 5...6 years ago? Sheen plays the lead on what I believe is the top rated sitcom on television.

Regarding the "double standard" with Lohan and Downey. Also complete bullshit. First of all, Downey went through his periods of career hell. Remember that direct to video ski comedy he did in the late nineties? Didn't think so. But also, by the time Downey's problems became legal problems he had already given us a decade of memorable performances (including an Oscar nomination) in a wide variety of films. He also never caused major hold ups or production problems on any of his films.

Plus, Downey has ten times the talent we've seen so far from Lohan.

Posted by Buk94 at February 10, 2011 2:07 AM

comment #18

LexG says ...

Downey's shining DTV moment was DROP ZONE, sporting a totally 1996 mushroom haircut in the lowest rent Thursday Night Prime action movie imaginable, kicking ass side by side with Billy Zane. Anyone who ever saw that must imagine an alternate reality where 1997 STEVEN BAUER went on to star in THE DARK KNIGHT.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 2:18 AM

comment #19

LexG says ...

Oops, sorry, it was called DANGER ZONE, not Drop Zone, which was the Snipes/Kyle Secor wonder from John Badham.

LOOK AT LOHAN though. Look at her. I've said this before, I'll say it again: Celebrities SHOULD be allowed to kill people, shoot up banks, do ANYTHING. They're fucking awesome and the rules ABSOLUTELY should NOT apply to actors, actresses and directors.

They're simply BETTER than regular people.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 2:20 AM

comment #20

Glenn Kenny says ...

I wonder why Jeff's dialed back on the "death penalty for Lindsay Lohan" skree. Has he been hit by a thunderbolt of compassion, or is it just that he knows it would look even more ridiculous in close proximity to his "have a heart for poor Melissa Leo" bleat?

Posted by Glenn Kenny at February 10, 2011 3:33 AM

comment #21

LexG says ...

Everyone knows I'm a HUUUUUUGE Lohan fan and would take her side on literally anything, but watch this video again: She has more charisma than just about any other 30 people in showbiz combined. More integrity and honesty and truth than almost every other working actress. She RADIATES star quality.... here and anywhere, you CANNOT take your eyes off of her. Every single moment she's a total rock star, she's DEVASTATING to look at, she's practically hypnotic. LOHAN 4 EVER.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 3:38 AM

comment #22

filmsofdusts says ...

Quit while you are ahead, LexG.

I would expect this kind of fawning over Camilla Belle or Minka Kelly, or even Victoria Justice, but not Lindsey Lohan.

Posted by filmsofdusts at February 10, 2011 3:55 AM

comment #23

filmsofdusts says ...

And really, which doctor fucked up her lips?

Posted by filmsofdusts at February 10, 2011 3:56 AM

comment #24

LexG says ...

I like Camilla Belle and Minka Kelly (YEP YEP on both).... but who the hell is Victoria Justice?

Lindsay Lohan is one of the top 5 actors in the world, with Daniel Day Lewis, Kristen Stewart, Anthony Hopkins and Al Pacino.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 4:06 AM

comment #25

LexG says ...

Oops, my bad... Still don't know who she is, but Victoria Justice was born in 1993. So, thumbs up.

Posted by LexG at February 10, 2011 4:09 AM

comment #26

Josh Massey says ...

May I remind you where RDJ was as recently as 2006?

Posted by Josh Massey at February 10, 2011 6:43 AM

comment #27

JR says ...

TMZ is reporting some inconsistencies in the jewelry store owner's account of the "theft"...I have a feeling Lohan is going to beat this rap...sounds to me like the necklace was a loaner.

I have no dog in this fight. I think Lohan showed amazing promise as a child actor - she was incredible in "The Parent Trap" - I hope she turns it all around.

And she looks better in this video than she has looked in years.

Posted by JR at February 10, 2011 6:51 AM

comment #28

JLC says ...

Re: that dress. Wow. I mean, just, wow. Whoever advised her to wear that to court should be sent back to whatever backwater department store they came from.

Lohan's got a long way to go, but at least in this case, the facts seem kind of sketchy. It doesn't appear LiLo attempted to conceal her possession of the necklace, which you would expect if she intended to steal it. It's not like Winona's shoplifting rap.

Whatever. Next time she appears in court, though, she needs to be in sackcloth and ashes.

Posted by JLC at February 10, 2011 7:01 AM

comment #29

Krillian says ...

I thought the same thing looking at the video, before I saw anyone else's comments. What happened to her lips?

How long was Downey in jail? Wasn't it like 18 months? Then he got Ally McBeal and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, working his way back . . .

Lindsay Lohan would be lucky to get Shaggy Dog. Someone must have informed her the That Darn Cat remake's already been done.

I'm trying to think of young actresses who sunk low and bounced back. Best example I can think of is Drew Barrymore.

Posted by Krillian at February 10, 2011 7:03 AM

comment #30

bobbyperu says ...

Jeff, where do you get this idea that Lohan is a "very fine actress" -- based on what? I've never seen her do a single impressive piece of "acting" in any of her films. Even working with Robert Altman didn't yield anything too interesting. Mean Girls belonged to Rachel McAdams and Tina Fey. She did not deliver in I Know Who Killed Me. She was underwhelming in Chapter 27. Georgia Rule showed that she was truly bland. So should we look at Herbie and The Parnet Trap? I don't see any evidence whatsoever that Lindsay Lohan is a very fine actress or even that she could have pulled off a Hailee Steinfeld at that age.

Posted by bobbyperu at February 10, 2011 7:56 AM

comment #31

bobbyperu says ...

And in Machete she didn't deliver either -- she didn't get the joke. And the movie stunk anyway.

Posted by bobbyperu at February 10, 2011 7:59 AM

comment #32

Eloi Wrath says ...

In other celebrity gossip news, this is a fairly astonishing take-down piece in THR: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/blogs/heat-vision/drama-surrounds-i-number-star-97582

The kid must have really pissed some people off for this type of article to be written.

Posted by Eloi Wrath at February 10, 2011 8:35 AM

comment #33

Snoop Marlo says ...

How could she afford a limo to take her to court?

I dont think she'd be able to afford a Cheeseburger.

Posted by Snoop Marlo at February 10, 2011 2:40 PM

comment #34

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comment #36