comment #1

lbeale says ...

Chow Yun-Fat. 'Nuff said. One of the coolest guys ever. I'm there.

comment #2

LexG says ...

The litmus test is always, if this movie had WHITE PEOPLE in it, would any dorko Asian movie critic like it? The answer is ALWAYS NO. If you made TIME AND TIME here in LA with Paul Walker and Sam Worthington but ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WAS IDENTICAL-- Hell, it could also be directed by Tsui shot SHOT FOR SHOT identical-- it would get panned.

Nerds think ASIANS ARE MAGICAL. They think KUNG FU is real, and that ASIAN WOMEN are DELICATE FLOWERS who would date GOATEED MEN.

Actually, since I live in LOS ANGELES, that's kind of true, since I've NEEEEEEEEEEEVER seen a dumpy beardo with a white women, and ALWAYS see them with wimpy looking FOB Asian women.

Unless an Asian is making some pan fried noodles on the set in the catering department, I honestly? Don't ever really want or need to see Asians in ANY movie, action or otherwise. Asians aren't cinematic...

I like watching white and black people in movies. Asians are kinda dorky.

comment #3

lbeale says ...

Always a pleasure to hear from Lex on race. It's like reading a comic book written by the SS.

comment #4

LexG says ...

That rant doesn't extend to hapas like Vanessa Hudgens or Miranda Cosgrove. And Daniel Dae Kim seems pretty cool, too. He can be in movies.

comment #5

DiscoNap says ...

It's a shame Chow-Yun Fat didn't quite break here. The Corrupter was fun. I kind of wish they'd just tried it as an FX TV series a few years later.

comment #6

LexG says ...

The Corruptor, Replacement Killers and Dragonball Z are the only 3 movies with Chow Yun Fat I saw, other than 2 of the Woo movies.

Actually I only ever saw THE KILLER in some weird Showtime version where they edited all the action scenes, so technically I've never seen that either.

Most Asian stars come here and flail, and their fans from Asian Dork Movies blame BIG EVIL HOLLYWOOD for not using them properly. Actually it means the actor doesn't have any REAL CHARISMA when he's up against white and black people.

comment #7

jujuju says ...

yeah, that trailer was too much. i'll watch it someday, maybe over the course of a week, with beer

comment #8

the sandwich says ...

How much does a movie ticket cost in China? I've actually never even thought about that till just now.
Jeff will rant and spit, but something clicked with people over there...to the tune of highest domestic EVER.

Then again, pork rinds are very popular...doesn't mean they're good.

comment #9

Eloi Wrath says ...

Yeah, to be fair, that does look uniquely dreadful.

comment #10

LexG says ...

If it were straight action, it might be almost tolerable, but the WORST, THE WORST, is that CHINESE COMEDY.

Like that MUGGING STEPHEN CHOW bullshit, it's SO embarrassing and dorky and genial and unfunny. Howard Stern ranted about this once, how he likes white karate guys like Segal and Van Damme, but how come in China they always have to be doing all this stupid comedy? Like, yeah, Jackie Chan does great stunts and seems like the greatest guy in the world... but all that BUFFOONERY where they're MAKING FACES?

John Carpenter describes Asian cinema as being "free of the laden sophistication" of dour American action movies. Bullshit, it's just DORKY. ACTION MOVIES SHOULD be serious.

comment #11

BoulderKid says ...

I hate how 95% of these movies come from the action-comedy temperament no matter what the story is. I swear to god, if someone set out to make a Schindler's List style epic about the Nanjing Massacre it would have a scene of the lead grinning with a cigar in his mouth as he fludder kicked up over a wall to escape Japanese soldiers.

BTW, whatever happened to Zhang Ziyi?

comment #12

Rashad says ...

Yeah, Asian films will pump in slapstick no matter the film. And yes, if this were an American film, the white critics would bash it endlessly.

This does look dreadful, but to be fair, the rifle shoots something on the track that causes derailment. Probably the lever to switch tracks or something.

I feel like watching The Replacement Killers now.

comment #13

THE MovieBob says ...

@BoulderKid,

FWIW, "Flowers of War" - the Zhang Yhimou Nanking flick with Bale - doesn't have any wirework action; but it does have an extended action sequence right in the middle where ONE Chinese soldier wipes out a whole Japanese platoon with improv'd booby traps and crazy-accurate sniping (on its own the scene is pretty amazing); and later on an eye-poppingly excessive rape/murder ends with a high-pressure blood-explosion like something out of Evil Dead or Kill Bill. Fascinatingly tone-schizoid movie.

@Lex,

I'm a fan of the genre and even *I* get tired of the broad comedy; but haven't MOST big action movies been action-comedies since the mid-80s? Like, "Die Hard" isn't a serious movie - "Die Hard" is gunplay and Willis making smart-ass cracks over the walkie. Beverly Hills Cop, same deal. Both Bad Boys movies. All 4 Lethal Weapons. At least 80% of Arnold and Sly's output. Yeah, sometimes you get a Heat or Narc or whatever; but the standard template U.S. action movie is "dry-witted smartass kills bad guy, drops one-liner." The only real difference is that Western actioners are big on verbal humor, while Asia largely seems to prefer slapstick.

comment #14

LexG says ...

By the way paragraph 4 is a great Wells tear, especially because every time he does his SPOT ON dismissal of Asian cinema, he spends half the night getting yelled at by McWeeny or whoever over it.

And, yes, I'd extend it to ALL Asian cinema, not just Asian action. Don't care, can't relate, no interest, doesn't look cool, plus all Asian movies are in that greenish opium haze where it looks all old and like a foreign movie.

AHHHHH SOOOOOOO. YOU SO HONUHBAH NUMBAH ONE

More miso soup, Chen.

comment #15

LexG says ...

"The only real difference is that Western actioners are big on verbal humor, while Asia largely seems to prefer slapstick."

That's only ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD, when you're talking about some GOD like Mel Gibson or Jason Statham doing a stupid pun like "Stick around" vs Bong Jong Sung Dong Ting Tong PULLING FACES like a TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS.

comment #16

slashmc says ...

"Who would've suspected that a single shot from a rifle could not only derail a large train car being pulled by a team of horses along a train track, but cause it to flip over end to end?"

Ummm, I know you hate Asian cinema in nearly all its flavors, but its obvious even on first viewing that the train derails from axes that are embedded in the rails. I'm not sure what this has to do with the shooter, but blame the trailer edits for that. Why can't a movie, especially an action/comedy, have the same ridiculous suspension of reality rules that a bugs bunny cartoon does?

If you require absolute 100% believability in everything you see onscreen you can just forget a number of film genres altogether.

comment #17

Daniel Tayag says ...

C'mon Lex, just say it. You hate Asian people.

comment #18

Kakihara says ...

BTW, the director said he's a Scorsese fan, and that they corresponded by snail mail.

comment #19

Gabe@ThePlaylist says ...

Even as someone who likes Asian cinema, this is a RIDICULOUS movie. It's not that great, and it's way too long, so some of these gags are really spaced out. It's not nearly as ratatat as the trailer would lead you to believe.

In other words, it's not indicative of Asian cinema, and, hit-status aside, it's kind of a slog to sit through. I kinda smiled at some of it, and it's clever in bits and pieces, but if I ever had the opportunity to sit through it again, I would violently refuse.

comment #20

bitplaya says ...

This is not an action movie. It's much more a comedy and an absurd one at that.

comment #21

Raising_Kaned says ...

"If you made TIME AND TIME here in LA with Paul Walker and Sam Worthington but ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WAS IDENTICAL-- Hell, it could also be directed by Tsui shot SHOT FOR SHOT identical-- it would get panned."

You mean Time and Tide? Look, if you can't even get the title right, then nobody's going to take your (mostly bullshit) arguments here seriously -- nor should they.

There's nothing more inherently "stupid" about Jackie Chan making silly faces as Drunken Master than Arnie making terrible puns as he carelessly disposes of his victims in Commando or whatever. They're just cultural differences, that's all.

Besides, isn't the ability to vicariously live outside of your own sphere (personal, national, political, etc.) one of the major draws of cinema in the first place?

comment #22

Raising_Kaned says ...

And only because you mentioned Woo:

I should note that late '80s/early '90s (pre-Hard Target) work arguably has as much in common with '80s Hollywood fare like Die Hard as it does the classic Shaw Brothers' oeuvre (36th Chamber of Shaolin, for example).

It's my guess that it's this balanced, two-pronged (like YIN and YAN, get it?) influence that made him such a global sensation in the first place to such a degree that his name became synonymous with high-octane action.

comment #23

Bob Violence says ...

How much does a movie ticket cost in China? I've actually never even thought about that till just now.

the lowest end is $5-6, 3D is at least $10, and for IMAX you're out $20

it's obscenely expensive by Chinese standards, which is reflected in the box office (a country with four time the population of the U.S. is paying developed-world prices for movie tickets, but only one film has ever cracked $200 mil)

as for what made it click with the local crowd, this piece is a good primer

a crucial fact that this is still definitively Jiang's show (Jiang is easily one of the mainland's top celebrities and a cult figure among the twentysomething set, largely for In the Heat of the Sun) but is also pretty much what you would get if you submitted Jiang to a focus test -- the casting (Chow Yun-fat to bring in the southern and Hong Kong crowds), a more obvious tone of flip detachment (compare the treatment of the villagers here to Devils on the Doorstep and it's easy to understand why people were pissed off by the latter but ate Bullets right up), even the trendy Sichuanese settings and dialogue (they actually released a separate Sichuanese dub of the film, which would be like releasing The Departed with completely different Boston and "General American" soundtracks)

in other words it's a pretty cynical exercise but knows it and gets a few good lunatic moments out of it, hopefully this has set Jiang up to do two or three more "personal" films

comment #24

Chinaski1 says ...

"This, in a nutshell, is why I despise Asian action cinema, and why I'm completely at peace with never watching any Asian action film ever again. "

Jeff, to use your own words against you, you are not a film buff. I hate to be the one to break it to you.

comment #25

JF says ...

HOW DARE those CHINAMEN like exaggerated action and broad, goofy humor. Where do they get the GALL to act like they have a different culture and sensibility from our own?

Fuggin slopes.