For reasons best not explained I decided last month to invite a fourth party to share unit #108 at the Park Regency — a large one-bedroom condo with a pair of bunk beds plus a not-very-comfortable fold-out couch. So we’re talking two guys in the bunks and another in the living room. (I have my own bedroom-and-bathroom with a recent-model TV.) Last night one of the bunk guys began to loudly snore, and it was bad enough to result in the following letter being sent to the offender:
“Dear snoring journalist,
“[Unnamed non-snoring journalist] barely slept last night due to your snoring, which he has described as quite loud, persistent and horrific. He tried earplugs and then a white-noise app to try and block out the sound, but your grizzly bear growling still kept him from slumber for the most part.
“[The other journalist] was able to sleep, but said he had some trouble with this also.
“We have to do something about this. We can’t deprive everyone of their much-needed sleep during this very demanding festival. This is non-negotiable. You have to go to the nearest Rite-Aid and buy whatever remedies they might have to arrest your snoring. If you don’t have the money for this or that remedy we will gladly chip in to help.
“If you can’t arrest your snoring we’re going to have to return your rent money, and you’ll have to find somewhere else to stay. I’m sorry, man, but big snoring is something that JUST CAN’T HAPPEN during the festival. Let’s hope you can find the right remedy and all will be well.”
The guy wrote back to say that his snoring was unintentional (as opposed to those who deliberately snore out of malice) but that he would go to Rite-Aid and “get a spray that usually helps my sinuses.” I said that my understanding is that there are more aggressive remedies out there — things you wear, nose clamps, etc. I reiterated that if cost is an issue I’ll be happy to contribute to the kitty.