Bad Tits
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on October 08, 2007 at 01:58 PM
This "Fifty Best Breasts in Film History" piece (dated 10.9, which is tomorrow) on the Film Threat site is a bore and a time-waster. The YouTube clips stink, for one thing. It's the kind of online wank that makes you hate yourself for dancing through it even for four or five minutes.
Last updated: October 3, 2007
Obviously I'm light in several categories.
Suggestions and disputations are welcome.
BEST PICTURE: Australia (20th Century Fox), The Argentine (Focus Features), Guerilla (Focus Features), Milk (Focus Features), Seven Pounds (Sony), The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Paramount/Warner Bros.), The Soloist (DreamWorks), Body of Lies (Warner Bros.), Revolutionary Road (Paramount Vantage/DreamWorks), The Changeling (Universal Pictures), Frost/Nixon (Universal), Doubt (Miramax), Blindness (Universal Pictures), Defiance (Paramount Vantage), The Duchess (Paramount Vantage), Valkyrie (MGM-UA), The Reader (Weinstein Co.)
BEST DIRECTOR: Fernando Meirelles (Blindness), David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon), Brian Singer (Valkyrie), Baz Luhrmann (Australia), Steven Soderbergh (The Argentine and Guerilla), Gus Van Sant (Milk), Gabriele Muccino (Seven Pounds), Joe Wright (The Soloist), Ridley Scott (Body of Lies), Sam Mendes (Revolutionary Road), Clint Eastwood (Changeling), John Patrick Shanley (Doubt), Edward Zwick (Defiance), Saul Dibb (The Duchess), Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
BEST ACTOR: Leonardo DiCaprio (Revolutionary Road), Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Ralph Fiennes (The Duchess), Hugh Jackman (Australia), Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), Harrison Ford (Crossing Over), Sean Penn (Milk), James Franco (Pineapple Express), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Synecdoche, New York), Heath Ledger (Dark Knight), Will Smith (Seven Pounds), Jamie Foxx (The Soloist)
BEST ACTRESS: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road), Angelina Jolie (Changeling), Keira Knightley (The Duchess), Nicole Kidman (Australia)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Leiv Schreiber (Defiance), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), John Malkovich (Changeling and Burn After Reading), Bill Nighy (Valkyrie), Robert Downey Jr. (The Soloist), Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic thunder), James Franco (The Pineapple Express), Alan Alda (Nothing But the Truth)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Meryl Streep (Doubt), Amy Adams (Doubt), Vera Farmiga (Nothing But the Truth)
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who (20th Century Fox)
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Charlie Kaufman (Synecdoche, New York)
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Peter Straughan (How to Lose Friends and Alienate People)
SPECIAL EFFECTS: Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Inside Elsewhere...
Michelle discovers a couple of comedy films thanks to the power of Netflix.
Adam joins the Elsewhere crew from the Windy City and hits the ground running this week.
Essentials
Upcoming
July 2
July 3
July 4
Diminished Capacity
Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson
We are Together
July 9
July 11
August
Eight Miles High
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
July 18
A Very British Gangster
Before I Forget
Felon
Lou Reed's Berlin
Transsiberian
July 22
July 23
Comments
Plus, come on people. Obvious omission, Annette O'Toole, Cat People remake. Paul Schrader is going to hell for that swimming pool scene, the least we can do is show our appreciation.
Susan Sarandon giving them lemon juice in Atlantic City is another obvious miss. That one even has good dialogue to explain it later, how many gratuitous breast scenes can say that?
Posted by: Mgmax![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 02:15 PM
Heh heh heh! He said TITillating! Heh heh heh!
Posted by: Joe Leydon![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 02:18 PM
The Best Breasts in Film History belong to Carice Van Houten, the star of Verhoven's Black Book. They are perfect.
Diane Lane in The Big Town comes in second, followed by Ludvine Sagnier in Swimming Pool.
I'm sure there are many more, those are just the three sets that stand out for me at the moment.
But seriously, rent Black Book and tell me those are the best breats you've ever seen.
Posted by: MilkMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 02:58 PM
"But seriously, rent Black Book and tell me those are the best breats you've ever seen."
Er, well, MilkMan, speaking as someone who has seen bare female breasts in real life, I would have to say... Ah, no, I can't. You made it too easy for me.
Posted by: Joe Leydon![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 03:12 PM
Joe: I don't understand your comment. Mine, the last sentence at least, was chock full of typos. I meant to say, "and tell me those aren't the best breasts..." But still, I'm glad that you've seen real hoots. I don't know what it is about the dudes that post on this site always having to affirm their hetero-bonafides.
Posted by: MilkMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 03:17 PM
Another obvious omission - Virginia Madsen.....I do agree with Jeff W., and I would like to lobby Jeff to post his own list, with still from his private collection as accompaniment. Oh- and Uma Thurman, circa Jennifer 8 - horrible movie, but great bathtub....
Posted by: va![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 03:41 PM
Film Threat? Is it 1992?
Posted by: lesterg![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:11 PM
I forgot:
Emily Mortimer in Young Adam.
Rose McGowan in Going All The Way.
Kimberly MacArthur in Malibu Express.
AND
The Girl in the last scene of Kentucky Fried Movie.
Don't worry, I'll think of more. Even if I'm the only one pushing this thread forward, I will soldier on.
Posted by: MilkMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:24 PM
So there's a reason they call you MilkMan.
Posted by: nemo![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:30 PM
Jah. I am Milkman. Now really, I'm the only guy who reads this site who has a mental file of hoots in his head? C'mon. Let's play.
Posted by: MilkMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:36 PM
I give up.
Fine.
How about this:
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE RETURN OF THE CLASSICAL APPROACH TO NARRATIVE. IS JAMES GRAY'S WE OWN THE NIGHT THE FIRST OF THE NEO-CLASSICAL FILMS? OR IS IT JUST THE LAST GASP OF AN OLD WAY OF TELLING THE SAME STORY.
There. I feel much better about myself.
Posted by: MilkMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:58 PM
Jeffrey is just upset Vinessa Shaw wasn't listed....
Posted by: Wyatt Donnelly![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 04:58 PM
Okay, Milkman, I'll add to the breast thread so you won't be lonely. From "Barnyard" those udders on the male cows.
Posted by: PerfectTommy![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 05:20 PM
At this point I wish I could remember the lyrics to Loudon Wainwright's "Rufus Is a Tit Man" ...
Posted by: nemo![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 05:43 PM
I agree with Jeff that the Film Threat presentation is pretty poor (wouldn't stills have done a better job than those horrible YouTube clips?)... but that didn't stop me from going through most of the piece.
Susan Sarandon is a glaring omission... and it seems odd, given the hoopla around Swordfish and Monster's Ball, that Halle Berry didn't make the cut.
And as far as my own list... Heather Graham and Angelina Jolie (does no one remember Gia?).
And lastly, I was surprised that a list of this nature didn't include Anita Ekberg, Mamie Van Doren or Gina Lollobrigida... but maybe Jessica Rabbit was included to cover this whole category.
Posted by: Caustic712![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 05:44 PM
how about victor mature?
Posted by: movieirv![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 06:04 PM
Sorry to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure Uma had a body double in Jennifer 8. When you don't see the face and the breasts in the same shot, it's a dead giveaway
Baron Munchausen and Dangerous Liaisons, on the other hand...
Milkman, try Water Drops on Burning Rocks for more of lovely Ludivine.
Posted by: frankbooth![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 06:06 PM
Dammit! Someone beat me to the obvious Vinessa Shaw joke!
Posted by: Dzayson![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 8, 2007 07:05 PM
I remember when I saw DANGEROUS LIASIONS with my mother and Uma's breasts first popped out I muttered "Holy shit!". Probably the most awkward moment of my life.
Posted by: BurmaShave![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 9, 2007 12:04 AM
Can't you also see Uma in Baron Munchausen? I haven't seen it in a while but I'm pretty sure...
Posted by: DavidF![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 9, 2007 07:32 AM
No Julie Andrews from her famous scene in SOB?
Hey, wha' happened?
Posted by: christian![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at
October 9, 2007 10:10 AM
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