Make Your Own Damn Movie!

No joke, this may just be the DVD of the year. With 5 chaotic, utterly disorganized discs, it's almost impossible to make any sense out of Make Your Own Damn Movie's overall design (although there is a helpful insert). But once you really dig in, this is an amazingly satisfying, if poorly organized, package. 50% of the content is embarrassing and amateurish, while the other 50% is fascinating, not only because of the countless celebrity appearances -- well, movie geek celebrities -- but also because Lloyd Kaufman is an insane tour guide/ringleader. Simultaneously crazy, misguided tyrant and brilliant, resourceful maverick, Kaufman is a truly fascinating figure in the world of independent filmmaking.

The DVD case estimates 12 hours of content but that's probably a conservative estimate. In addition to four feature length films, we get a seemingly endless number of featurettes. This is a companion piece to Lloyd Kaufman's book of the same name but it's not a direct adaptation of that book. Instead, Troma has dug through their DVD catalogue and collected some of their best documentaries and featurettes. They've also created a number of new featurettes and even a Make Your Own Damn Movie! diploma (which I've just finished framing). Here's what we get:

Disc 1. This is the only disc in the collection that doesn't contain a feature length film. As a result, it's the most lesson-heavy disc. In addition to Kaufman's intro, we get lessons from him on casting, props, financing, special effects, and more. We also get expert guidance on making music videos, writing tips from Larry Cohen (It's Alive, Phone Booth) and Troma vet James Gunn (who also wrote the Dawn of the Dead re-make), as well as general filmmaking advice from H.G. Lewis (Blood Feast), John G. Avildsen (Rocky), and John Badham (Saturday Night Fever). I'd check out Make Your Own Damn Movie! for this disc alone. But there's much more.

Disc 2. This disc features The Battle of Love's Return, Lloyd Kaufman's first feature, along with an audio commentary by Kaufman. We also get sound tips from Kaufman and other assorted lessons from filmmakers, both unknown and established. The best known participants on this disc are director Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) and the Spierig twins, creators of the much-delayed Australian zombie film Undead, which is finally hitting North American theaters this July.

Disc 3. The main attraction on this disc is Apocalypse Soon: The Making of Citizen Toxie, a 137 minute (!) documentary about the making of the fourth Toxic Avenger film. In fact, as far as I can tell, disc 3 is simply a re-packaging of disc 2 from Troma's 2-disc Citizen Toxie special edition from 2003 (it's not difficult to reach this conclusion, given that the menus are different from all other discs in the set). We get all kinds of pre-production and production featurettes, as well as a few glimpses of festival stops from around the world. Obviously, this is familiar to anyone who's already seen the Citizen Toxie DVD but, for all other Troma fans, this is fascinating material.

Disc 4. For a real glimpse into the directorial dark side of Lloyd Kaufman, be sure to catch the feature-length documentary Farts of Darkness: The Making of Terror Firmer. This disc also includes an hour long documentary on the extensive Tales From the Crapper re-shoots (they should have re-shot the title). There's also a half hour on Bolex filmmaking, an interview with director Vincent Sherman on the Hollywood blacklist -- which has nothing to do with making your own damn movie (unless you're a communist with a time machine) but it's still kind of interesting -- 14 minutes on German filmmaking (since Lloyd recently appeared in a German film called Lord of the Undead), and an interview with former Trom-ites Trey Parker and Matt Stone from the set of Team America.

Disc 5. In my opinion, this is the best disc in the set. For one, we get the insane All the Love You Cannes, a documentary covering Troma's experiences at the 2001 Cannes Film Festival. Troma is totally out of their element at Cannes but they still seem right at home (they've been making this trip since the early 70s). We see brief interaction between Kaufman and everyone from Roger Ebert to Quentin Tarantino. We also watch Troma annoy their hotel, their neighbors, and even Jean-Claude Van Damme.

At one point, a "junky" -- at least that's what Troma calls him -- is discovered using the Troma shower. In response, they urinate on him and try sticking a baseball bat up his, well, you figure it out. If that's not bad enough, Lloyd endlessly threatens to have oral sex with men for money. But Troma treats nobody worse than their own. The documentary culminates in a fistfight between two employees and some vengeful urination (will somebody please explain toilets to these guys?).

And that's only the beginning of disc 5. We also get helpful pointers on starting movie theaters and video stores, as well as indie filmmaking tips from William Lustig (Maniac, Uncle Sam), Adam Rifkin (Detroit Rock City), and George A. Romero. Actually, forget the Romero thing. Lloyd confronts him while on a cigarette break at last year's "Rue Morgue Festival of Fear" in Toronto and gets about two minutes of bizarrely photographed anecdotes. He pretty much forces Romero to say something about the Night of the Living Dead copyright fiasco -- the film was never properly copyrighted and has remained in the public domain ever since -- but, before Romero's finished speaking, the Rue Morgue guys drag him away.

Disc 5 also features a hilarious featurette about Lloyd's recent lifetime achievement award at South by Southwest in Austin, Texas. We see all kinds of Austin movie icons -- including Harry Knowles and Richard Linklater -- and we get to watch a drunken Lloyd Kaufman loudly compare Jack Valenti to Hitler, while Valenti gives a speech. Apparently, Kaufman has an axe to grind with Valenti because Valenti cut The Toxic Avenger to shreds and Lloyd's not shy about expressing his frustration. In one of Make Your Own Damn Movie's most puzzling incidents, Kaufman actually chases Valenti to the bathroom. It's crazy, embarrassing, 100% pure Trom-tastic insanity.

And that's still not the end of disc 5. For my money, the best feature on the whole set is a 25-minute interview with Cabin Fever director and former Troma actor, Eli Roth (who also contributes a hilarious commentary on Troma's Bloodsucking Freaks DVD). Although not as knowledgeable as Quentin Tarantino, Roth is a more articulate, funnier, better looking variation on that outspoken auteur (also, Tarantino once called him "the future of horror"). The animated Roth shares numerous anecdotes about the making of Cabin Fever, most of which should be genuinely helpful to anyone making a low budget film. His stories about mob-like union tactics and the importance of sales agents are particularly interesting.

There's plenty of reasons to criticize Troma. Yes, the technical quality of these DVDs is suspect -- if I grabbed my own video camera and photographed myself writing this review, the production values would be better -- and begs the question "is Lloyd Kaufman really the best guy to teach filmmaking?" It should also be noted, for the uninitiated, that Troma is not shy about exploiting women, not to mention The Toxic Avenger and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD. But what do you expect from the current kings of exploitation filmmaking? Anything less would be a betrayal to their fan-base.

Troma is not a classy outfit but, as the Jerry Springer of independent filmmaking, Lloyd Kaufman is an unpredictable, endlessly entertaining, one-of-a-kind personality. Make Your Own Damn Movie! might not make you a better filmmaker but it's a great introduction to both Kaufman and the whole damn Troma phenomenon. -- Jonathan Doyle