Around 1:45 pm I visited the Hollywood DMV office on Cole Avenue to once again, for the third time, try to pass my written motorcycle test. 12 or so multiple choice questions (I think), and all you need to do to pass is get nine of them right. I got four wrong and failed. So I renewed my temporary car driver’s license in the main room (I’m trying to get a combination car and motorcycle license) and went back into the Alcove of Agony and took the written test again. I failed it for the fourth time. But consider one of their fucking questions. They show you an overhead drawing of a motorcycle cruising alongside three or four parked cars, and I mean parked really close together, 9 or 12 inches between bumpers. Question: “Which possibility is the most dangerous to a motorcycle operator? (a) one of the cars pulling out, (b) a pedestrian walking between the cars and into the street? or (c) a car door suddenly opening?”
Well, this is an easy one, I told myself. Given that the cars are parked so close together, I immediately discounted the “car pulling out” scenario because you’d obviously notice a driver trying to nudge out of the parking spot, bit by bit…no surprise element, plenty of time to maneuver. It had to either be (a) pedestrian or (b) the swinging door. I figured the pedestrian would be less dangerous unless he/she was totally reckless or drunk and stumbling around. So I chose the car door option because people often open driver-side doors suddenly and you have almost no time to react.
Nope, says the DMV. The most dangerous possibility, they said, is one of the cars pulling out from the curb. No, you brainaics! None of the cars can pull out suddenly because they’re parked too closely to each other and…aahh, ya pricks ya. What’s your blockage? Why do you ask questions like this?
See what I’m up against? Yoda to Luke: “That is why you fail.”