The charitable view, according to nearly everyone on the planet, is that The Mummy (Universal, 6.9) stinks. Or has cut one in a big Battlefield Earth way. “A holy mess“, the “worst Tom Cruise movie ever“, “so impressively awful it deserves study“, “deserves to be buried”, “never should have been unwrapped“, etc.
And yet, curiously, The Mummy got a pass from 25% of the Rotten Tomato gang — one out of four! — while 39% of the Metacritic crowd went “c’mon, it’s not as bad as all that!.”
This is an opportunity to identify and burn into our collective consciousness the names of critics who gave this thing a modified thumbs up, and in so doing revealed themselves as accommodating to a fault or, if you will, movie-critic versions of Trump supporters (i.e., no matter how appalling they’ll give it a pass).
There is, of course, no right or wrong opinion about anything except when it comes to rancid bullshit CG-driven corporate franchise movies, in which case the only legitimate response is to show no mercy.
I’m not suggesting that the following critics are easy, but…well, I guess I am. They’re certainly indicating an unwillingness to consider the bigger picture, which is that the 21st Century corporate branding and franchising mentality has become a spiritual pestilence — the equivalent of digital locust swarms invading and blackening the souls of moviegoers who, as recently as 10 or 12 years ago, went to megaplexes with actual expectations (close to absurd in a present-day context) of seeing a good, smart, emotionally affecting film.
Brian Truitt, USA Today: “A tomb full of action-packed guilty pleasure that owns its horror, humor and rampant silliness equally.”
Louise Keller, Urban Cinefile: “Beyond the splendid visual effects and extravagant locations, the fun lies in watching Tom Cruise in top form, boyish charm intact, carrying the film with energy and charisma.” Forgive!
Dan Jolin, Empire Magazine: “An odd but frothily entertaining genre cocktail, which coasts on the charisma of its two biggest names and keeps things just fun enough to forgive its considerable lapses in narrative.”
Travis Hopson, Punch Drunk Critic: “A surprisingly fun, thrilling, and adventurous film that takes most of its cues from Indiana Jones than the horrors of a bygone era.”
Dan Mecca, The Film Stage: “A fun, and funny, B-movie throughout.”
Heather Wixson, Daily Dead: “While there was a lot of action to be found, it’s apparent early on that [director Alex Kurtzman] wasn’t screwing around when it came to the horror aspects of The Mummy, making this action/horror hybrid a fantastic start to the new Dark Universe.”
Hugh Armitage, Digital Spy: “The Mummy is a breezy summer blockbuster that could be the start of an entertaining series.”