Earlier today a coding error distorted the design of an all-media invitation to see Dwayne Johnson‘s Skyscraper (Universal, 7.13). These things happen, no biggie. But the image suggested what things might feel or look like if Johnson were to accidentally sample the wrong kind of LSD during the making of this film, which everyone is calling is calling Die Hard meets The Towering Inferno. If this were to happen, director Rawson Marshall Thurber would need to find a calming LSD guru to calm Johnson down, and who better to handle this delicate task than Cary Grant, aka Captain Trips?
(l.) Skyscraper producer-star Dwayne Johnson; (r.) North by Northwest star Cary Grant.
The following happens inside Johnson’s on-set trailer. Subdued lighting. Queen tunes are playing gently out of a Sonos speaker. Knock-knock. Grant enters.
Grant: Hello, Dwayne. I got here as soon as I could. You’re looking wonderful.
Johnson: Oh, hey, Cary. Good to see ya, man. (clears throat) Uhhhmm.
Grant: How are you feeling?
Johnson: I don’t know, man. I really…it’s hard to describe.
Grant: Don’t try — that’s the first thing. Don’t attempt anything. Just settle in.
Johnson: But I have a movie to make, man. I gotta muscle up and do the job.
Grant: Rawson is doing the job. He’s the director. All you have to do is be yourself.
Grant: You’re there, you’ve got it.
Grant: If you want to let it out, do that. And if you don’t, don’t.
Johnson: But this is the biggest bombastic movie I’ve ever made. Everyone will be comparing me to Bruce Willis. I have to deliver. I gotta be better than Bruce, I mean.
Johnson: I make big bombastic movies that earn big money, and I’m a Republican to boot.
Grant: Why do you say that?
Johnson: Just being honest, man. I haven’t made a half-good film since Pain & Gain, and even that one had problems.
Grant: Settle down.
Johnson: I might run for President in ’24.
Grant: Mmm-hmmm. (Fluffs up pillow, places it behind Johnson’s head.)
Johnson: Will you vote for me, Cary?
Grant: For President?
Grant: Sure. (pause) How are you feeling?
Johnson: Not bad.