In William Freidkin‘s Cruisin’, Al Pacino‘s Steve Burns is asked “how big are you?” — i.e., hung like a horse or a cashew? Pacino replies that he’s “party size,” which I always presumed meant that he was more like a Mustang car (sizable enough but sleek) than a Mustang horse.
We’re all heard the rumors about which Hollywood guys had/have the heftiest packages: Willem Dafoe, Humphrey Bogart, Milton Berle, Frank Sinatra, Liam Neeson, Michael Fassbender, Ed Begley, Jr., Gary Cooper, James Woods, Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, David Duchovny, Matt Dillon, Jim Carrey, Errol Flynn, Charlie Chaplin, etc.
But the rumors are mostly bullshit, I’ve always suspected, because the rumor-mongers never distinguish between show-ers and growers, and this is key. Nobody’s a show-er when they’re walking out of chilly ocean waters, for instance. Or when they’re getting a traffic ticket. Or waiting in line at the DMV.
Those on the other end of the spectrum has allegedly included Ken Jeong, Elvis Presley (i.e., “Little Elvis”), Clark Gable, Adolf Hitler…who else?
The aspiring elephant club also includes (according to worthless internet rumor) Orlando Bloom, Daniel Craig, Ralph Fiennes, Vincent Gallo, Jason Momoa, Eddie Murphy, Jared Leto, Kevin Hart, Colin Farrell, Jon Hamm, JayZ, Ben Affleck…but it’s all bullshit, I tell you. Certainly a good deal of it. Certain people spread rumors through friends and allies in order to enhance their legend. No one can be trusted about anything.
Just to be different, I’d like to hear scurrilous rumors about which behind-the-camera fellows — directors, screenwriters, producers, cinematographers, studio heads, agents, supporting actors, stand-up comedians — belong in this alleged fraternity of size.