“There’s Hollywood Elsewhere and then there’s everything else. It’s your neighborhood dive where you get the ugly truth, a good laugh and a damn good scotch.”
(Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Super 8)
“Smart, reliable and way ahead of the curve … a must and invaluable read.”
(Down and Dirty Pictures Easy Riders, Raging Bulls)
“He writes with an element that any good filmmaker employs and any moviegoer uses to fully appreciate the art of film – the heart.”
–Alejandro G. Inarritu
(The Revenant, Birdman, Amores Perros)
“Nothing comes close to HE for truthfulness, audacity, and one-eyed passion and insight.”
(Salt, Clear and Present Danger, Rabbit-Proof Fence, Dead Calm)
“A rarity and a gem … Hollywood Elsewhere is the first thing I go to every morning.”
“Jeffrey Wells isn’t kidding around. Well, he does kid around, but mostly he just loves movies.”
(Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire, Vanilla Sky)
“In a world of insincere blurbs and fluff pieces, Jeff has a truly personal voice and tells it like it is. Exactly like it is, like it or not.”
–Guillermo del Toro
(Pan’s Labyrinth, Cronos, Hellboy)
“It’s clearly apparent he doesn’t give a shit what the Powers that Be think, and that’s a good thing.”
Director (The Punisher), Writer (Armageddon, The Rock)
“So when I said I’d like to leave my cowboy hat there, I was obviously saying (in my head at least) that I’d be back to stay the following year … simple and quite clear all around.”
–Jeffrey Wells, HE, January ’09
“If you’re in a movie that doesn’t work, game over and adios muchachos — no amount of star-charisma can save it.”
–Jeffrey Wells, HE
“Flaccid!” from Death Becomes Her. (IMHO she basically played herself.)
Love Death Becomes Her
“Dingo ate my baby!!”
I’ll give Streep credit for refusing to repeat the line on Andy Cohen’s talk show. When asked by an audience member, Streep politely said no and implied that the people who repeat that line to her are morons.
Definitely used to be, but I feel like it’s been losing serious ground lately (younger people simply aren’t discovering it).
Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking.
I mean, whatever it is, it’s almost certainly from Prada. She gets all the showy lines in that one.
Please bore someone else with your questions.
Details of your incompetence do not interest me.
It’s just …. drizzling.
Am I reaching for the stars here?
Only when the first assistant hasn’t decided to become an incubus of viral plague.
I had a farm in Africa.
I shared this at ace.mu.nu’s currently ongoing weekly movie thread, Jeff.
If you want to see my mention of you, go to comment 218.
Not the Bees!
Rudy Ray Moore: “B*tch, are you for real?”
“Dolemite is my name, and fucking up mother fuckers is my game!”
“Put your weight on it!”
“Where is Bucky – and WHAT HAS HE HAD?!”
“You rat soup eatin’ m*therf*cker!”
“I got your boy hangin’”
I could do this all day. But my original is still the most iconic.
And, Jesus, anybody want to start with Eastwood? Maybe a Dirty Harry category and a non Dirty Harry category? In the latter:
“Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’. boy”
“Deserves got nothing to do with it.”
“We all got it comin’, kid.”
“In this world, there’s two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.”
Good one — my Dad always quotes, “when you have to shoot, shoot. [Don’t talk].”
For Nic Cage you’ve got to go with “Her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase,” or one of a dozen other classics from Raising Arizona. And for Charles Grodin, I would have definitely gone with “You start the car and I’ll run you over. That’s the best plan I can think of.”
People don’t really quote Raising Arizona, though. I mean, outside of film twerp boards like these, doesn’t really happen. I kinda wonder how many younger people have even seen it.
“Son, you have a panty on your head.”
Yeah, I quote this movie WAY more than I should.
Evelle: “Balloons. Hey, these blow up into funny shapes at all?” Clerk: “Well, no, unless round is funny”
and then 2 minutes later
Evelle: “I got me a packet of balloons”
Gale: “They blow up into funny shapes at all?”
Evelle: “No, just circular”
“He’s got to have his dip-tet!”
“Mind you don’t cut yourself, Mortecai”
“Turn to the left!” “Turn to the right!”
“Hit the deck, boy!”
“I don’t know. They were jammies. With Yodas and shit!”
Shoot him again… His soul’s still dancing.
Did I ever tell ya that, this here, jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
Coffee and a muffin. Okay, so I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana-nut. That’s a good muffin.
I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.
“ what will I do I am old and have no advertisers. I am known. I am lost. Kill me now before the Russian takes my soul”. Jeff Wells in AN ORIFICE AND a JESUIT.
I’d ask Bill Murray to write down the words he whispered in ScarJo’s ear.
“Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel.”
“Lighten up, Francis.”… But a great line nonetheless
i was gonna say….
Bullock is easy. I got gum on my seat. Gum.
Her answer to why she lost her licence also works: “speeding.”
I don’t know if it was a weird ADR situation or more of a Bullock enunciation decision, but that second “gum” always felt goofily emphasized.
I always loved “See ya on the Blindside!”
Hell,Wayne has a million great lines just from one movie. My favorite:
“What you saw wasn’t Lucy”.
“The name ‘Sticky’ is OUT.” – Norman Philipps Jr. as Clarence “Sticky” Merkle in The Best Years of Our Lives.
“I steal!” – Paul Muni
Warren Oates: “All it is, is ocean.”
Brad Pitt: You know Kato, you kinda did.
Marlon Brando: the obvious one is make him an offer he can’t refuse.
I can’t really argue against Hoo-ah, but I’d go with She’s got a great ass! or Broth-a, you are going down.
You guys are forgetting Scarface for Pacino…Say Hello to my little friend!! A whole generation of adult males including rap/hip hop culture loved that movie
“If I had a steak, I’d fuck it.”–Robert Pattinson, The Lighthouse
Are ye a dullard? Fooled me.
Even *more* fun would be having them write quotes that they uttered in real life. Or *probably* did. For example — Richard Gere:
“Whattaya mean you can’t see it up there, Doc?! I can feel it MOVING!!”
You homophobic rancid maggot
Thanks, Lexter, you just reminded me: Are there any good quotes from THIS film?
“Grease is the word that you’ve heard it’s got groove it’s got feeling”
I forget which film that was from.
“I love you too” Fred McMurray in DOUBLE INDEMNITY
One of the great final lines – – hell, one of the great final SCENES – – in all of movies. Pure brilliance. But I feel like McMurray had even better iconic lines in that film.
I would nominate: “I wonder if you wonder.”
God what a great movie.
#1 on my top ten for some time.
You’re right about MacMurray’s quotable lines. and think you can say the same for Edward G Robinson’s stuff . Was about to nominate Robinson’s “Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?” from LITTLE CAESAR but anything from DOUBLE INDEMNITY would do just as well.
I used to own a still from the intended last scene of the film with Fred McMurray in the gas chamber, Edward G looking on, that I had Wilder personally sign. It was destroyed by fire some 30 years ago. I could cry now just thinking about it…
Yep, I know about the intended last scene (which Wilder shot and was rather proud of) and boy was he correct in losing it.
The finale we are left with is pure poetry. Like the film.
Its completely superior to the novel upon which it’s based. Every change is for the better, even the small things. I don’t know why the name Walter Neff works better than the name Walter Huff from the novel, it just does…
Now I’ll get out of here before you throw your desk at me….
Absolutely agree. The novel is pretty good, no more than that. Cain wrote it quickly in the late 1930s for serial publication in (I think) Collier’s. Great central premise, though.
But yes, every change that Wilder and Chandler made was a huge improvement on the book. The film is a masterpiece.
McMurray was also perfectly cast as the foil. George Raft would have been on to Stanwyck in seconds…
“Next time, I’ll rent a tuxedo!”
“Margie… I’ll bet she drinks from the bottle”
” With two olives!”
That tears it.
I actually think the more famous Desmond line may be “I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille.” It’s a close race between the two lines, at least.
“As long as the lady is paying…why not take the Vicuna?”
Autograph “signature lines” are the selfies of the 20th century – they demean both parties involved. Pacino’s signature ‘line’ sucks, but the rant he would do if asked to write that line would be marvelous: “I’ve been AT this for FIFTY YEARS, made a whole MOVIE about Shakespeare’s great words, and you want me to put down this YELPING NOISE I made in my fourth-worst film?!?”
It’s kind of interesting to see what lines would ‘work’ as actual autograph material, as in you’re showing it off to someone who’s not some super-fan. De Niro’s, Irons’ and Sam Jackson’s would come off as insults, and Harrison Ford’s would come off like he’s about to sue or stalk you (much better IMO would be: “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage”).
I guess the ultimate would be MacConaghey’s “All Right All Right All Right!”, followed by Bogie’s “Here’s Looking at you, kid.”
It’s worth talking about lines that people respond to and quote. A catchphrase is different and belongs to a recurring character in a television series or franchise.
Snakes. It had to be snakes.
“… chomp-slurp-chomp-slurp-mmmmmm … pant-pant … chompychompychompychompy-mmmmmmm…”
— Linda Lovelace
You know, kind of along those lines:
Mark Wahlberg: “I’m a star. I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I am a big bright shining star.”
Julianne Moore: “This is a giant cock.”
There’s gotta be a William Macy quote, probably from Fargo, that’s better than the one about his wife having some guy’s ass in her cock. But I can’t think of it right now.
I had a reply to this that seems to have been deleted, sadly. Summary: several people delivered their most famous quotes in Boogie Nights.
Cage: “Shoot him again … His soul is still dancing.”
Streep: “That’s all.”
Tommy Lee Jones (correct choice): “I don’t care.”
Stone: “Ohhhhh, burn!”
Robbie: “We’re not gonna be friends.”
Hill (correct choice): “You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’ We could be that mistake!”
That is indeed the right line for Jones.
And in more ways than he would know at the time.
Truth on Tommy Lee Jones, if anyone doesnt say that in his cadence after hearing him, they are Amish. That line sealed the Oscar.
For Nic Cage the quote I always think of is “Shoot him again…His soul is still dancing!”
Nope. It’s “He ate sand?”
You didn’t even get the quote correct, so that can’t be right.
Sounds pretty much exactly how I typed.
Deepest apologies. “Ya ate sand?”
“It ain’t armed robbery if the gun ain’t loaded.”
You can go sooo many directions with Cage, although I generally favor his mid-late ’90s period (“how in the name of Zeus’ butthole…,” “you know, uh, I can eat a peach for hours,” “you watch your fuckin’ mouth,” “because I was made for this sewer, baby, and I aaam the kiiiing!”).
With Cage even fairly mundane lines are memorable like “I’m gonna steal the Declaration Of Independence”.
Oh, no doubt — he has that in common with the great actors (like Walken).
OTOH, he could be handed a great line (at least in theory, I know it’s barely happened in the past 20 years) and just suck the life out of it — he has that in common with the terrible actors (like Wiseau).
Not difficult to grasp the fascination with Cage — he is definitely an “acting contradiction” incarnate.
Brilliant line, great performance. Herzog FTW
If I ever get to me meet the great Henry Czerny I will have him write one of my favorite lines of all time:
“Alright, Hunt. Enough is enough. You have bribed, cajoled and killed and you have done it using loyalties on the inside, you want to shake hands with the devil, that’s fine with me, I just want to make sure you do it in hell.”
That whole conversation encapsulates all Mission: Impossible movies. Fucking ridiculous and ridiculously cool all at the same time. Love them.
I went to a Marianne Faithfull booksigning because someone dared me to ask her to inscribe: “Why’d ya spit on my snatch? Love, Marianne.” Needless to say, I chickened out … although I bet she would’ve done it. Once I got face-to-face, she reminded me of my sweet grandmother.
Knowing your sweet grandmother, I’m confused as to why the resemblance would make said inscription less apropos.
Both my grandmothers have been dead longer than you’ve been alive.
“Would you like fries with that?”
JW: Yo! Whiplash!
Alt: Yo! Whiplash! I’m on your team!
Mel Gibson: “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”
Gibson you fatous barbarian
Fixed! Had a little too much gib tonight.
Maybe there are others, but Gibson would be “They can’t take away our freeeee dooooom!”
It’s the year 2021, not and one of the (very few) things time — not to mention memes — has correctly amended was shifting Pacino’s signature line* from “hoo-hah” to “‘cuz she’s gotta GREAT ASS (optional button)…and you got your head ALL THE WAY UP IT!!”
* Of course, I think (/hope?) everyone realizes he actually has much better lines from the first-half of his career before he suddenly transformed into the equivalent of a cinematic carnival barker, traveling and shouting from picture-to-picture (albeit entertainingly so).
Give him The Insider. A great, late-in-the-game performance.
Guess this is the right place to insert Hyman Roth – “This is the business we’ve chosen”
I prefer the way he delivers “Don’t waste my muthafuckin’ time!”
Honestly? I probably do, as well, but the line itself isn’t quite as unique (which I was factoring in).
His “inches” speech in Any Given Sunday is a great moment in a mediocre (at best) movie, but where does the quotation begin and end for the casual movie-watcher? I feel like you almost have to give monologues their own separate category.
I just wish I could think of one for Connery!!!
(Don’t even bother trying. It’s impossible).
Shaken not stirred.
Maybe the “Chicago way” exchange from THE UNTOUCHABLES…
Otherwise “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die” has its own special place…
That’s probably as good of a stab (pun intended) at Connery as possible — I think you kinda almost just have to pretend Bond is off-limits (even if he’s not).
Kevin Gage: I had to get it on, man. He was makin’ a move. I had to get it on.
Roy Scheider: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat”
I host the occasional trivia night and one of my questions was “From which movie is the line “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” I thought it was a gimme. Amazingly, NO ONE got it right.
Another Roy Scheider: “It’s showtime, folks” as a quasi Bob Fosse in “All That Jazz” – sadly the movie proved to be so prophetic for both Fosse and Paddy Chayefsky who kept warning Fosse he was going to die early. They both did.
Is TV okay? Ed O’Neill: “Take it down a notch, Clive.”
Tommy Lee Jones is “i dont care” from The Fugitive
Nic cage: Carla was the prom queen
Bacall: “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just out your lips together and blow”…
Alec Guinness (not from Star Wars)” “Ah, then it’s a gift”
^the ending of Doctor Zhivago but from Star Wars: “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” – which is sort of limited in application but how about: “Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?”
I can’t believe that no one has mentioned Schwarzenegger. He might more iconic lines than any other performer in screen history. It was the strange alchemy of the scripts, his out-sized charisma and stilted line deliveries that transformed one-liners into catchphrases.
Its when he left catchphrases for LAST ACTION HERO irony…he never recovered.
Of course the “Great” Bruce Willis (Butch) in Pulp Fiction:
– Butch: It’s a chopper, baby.
– Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
– Butch: It’s Zed’s.
– Fabienne: Who’s Zed?
– Butch: Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.
Kevin Spacey : “Wanting people to listen, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then they’ll notice you”.
Burt Reynolds (Jack Horner) in Boogie Nights:
“I’m Jack Horner, filmmaker. I make adult films, exotic pictures“.
“I got a feeling that beneath those jeans, there’s something wonderful just waiting to get out.”
It’s funny, there was a recent thread about Reynolds quotes, and I don’t think BN even came up.
Philip Baker Hall: “I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me. That’s just something that I enjoy.”
Robert Ridgely: “Thank you, Eddie.”
Daniel Day Lewis (Daniel Plainview) in There Will Be Blood:
“I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed“
“I drink your milkshake, I drink it UP!”
Laurence Olivier: “Is it safe?”
Glenn Close: “I won’t be ignored, Dan!”
Michael Caine: “Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England”
Michel Lonsdale (from “Moonraker”……”You arrive with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.”
Malcom Atterbury (in “North By Northwest…”Funny, that plane’s dustin’ crops where there ain’t no crops…”
Deborah Foreman (in “Read Genius”) “Can you hammer in a 6 inch nail with your penis?”
Susan Backline in “Jaws”……”….ohhh….it hurts….”
Unfortunately, Tom Hardy’s is going to end up being “that’s bait.”
Ayup…the memeification of culture!!
Michael Lonsdale (Papa) in Spielberg’s Munich:
“You could have been my son, but you’re not.“
You need great writers to write signature lines and today there’s a dearth. But if we’re talking about all timers that are indelible because of the specific actors speaking them….
Deserves got nothing to do with it
If you don’t know I cant explain it to you.
This aggression will not stand, man.
Ah but he strawberries. That’s where I had them.
in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, and they had 500 years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.
Yes, Id give the devil benefit of law for my own safety’s sake.
The cat’s in the bag and the bag’s in the river.
All glory is fleeting.
He even managed to use the same line to different effect in two movies: “F— you asshole.” Comic deadpan in The Terminator, comic timing in Commando.
Haven’t read the comments yet, apologies if any of these are repeats:
Margot Robbie: “‘Who?’ What are you, a f**king owl?”
Nic Cage: “Peach… I could eat a peach for hours.” (Yeah, I’d go for the Face/Off line, one of the most underrated camp-action classics of all time)
Emma Stone: “As it turns out, I’m capable of much unpleasantness.”
Sandra Bullock: “Why don’t you just drive around these people?”
Robin Williams: “It’s not your fault.”
Kathleen Turner: “You’re not very bright are you? I like that in a man.”
Al Pacino: “Where did you learn your TRAADE you stupid f**king c**t, you idiot!”
Denzel: “King Kong ain’t got sh*t on me!”
Tom Cruise: “What am I doing? I’m quietly judging you.”
Melanie Griffith: “I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?”
Adam Sandler: “I didn’t ask for a shrink, that must’ve been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn’t mine.”
Mark Wahlberg: “I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Annette Bening: “I will sell this house today.”
Kirsten Dunst: “I want some more.”
Morgan Freeman: “Hemingway once wrote, ‘The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.”
Daniel Day-Lewis: “I’m finished.”
Daniel Day-Lewis: I drink your milkshake!!
Robin Williams wrote “Carpe Diem” on his Chinese Theatre handprints.
Nailed Wahlberg & Freeman (probably Robin & Denzel, too).
I would argue every film that wins the Oscar should have a few memorable lines:
“Home, is it just a word? Or is it something that you carry within you?” – Nomadland
“So we’re all gathered here today to celebrate the reconnection of our phones, and this bounteous Wi-Fi!” – Parasite
Jeffrey “Paywall” Wells (pssst, it doesn’t work the way you think it does).
Am I imagining things, or was this paywalled after originally *not* being paywalled?
Nope, you are not imagining (hence the nickname…).
Jones’ signature line is “I don’t care.”
“Sometimes I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. I just want to earn enough money so that I can get away from everyone“
Rutger Hauer “….like tears in rain”
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