Were you happy, sad or indifferent about the Variety story two days ago (Thursday, 3.30) that the movie version of Dallas, which 20th Century Fox wanted to start shooting in May so it would be in theatres by November, had fallen apart due to the sudden depature of director Robert Luketic (Monster in Law)? I was personally delighted. Fox may find another director and the film might get made down the road, but there would be a heavy spiritual price all around. Exposure to a thing like this can give you soul cancer. The rule, of course, is that you have to chuckle at gaudy garbage movies or people will shake their heads and call you a sourpuss. To hell with these folks and all the prescription drugs in their bathroom cabinet. Anyone panting to see a Dallas movie has a void in their soul the size of the Houston Astrodome. And who would want to see John Travolta and that bizarre tennis-ball haircut of his trying to re-invigorate the spirit of J.R. Ewing? (I can hear his drawling Texas accent in my head.) Why did Luketic bolt? I’m told that Fox honchos were “shoving casting choices down his throat.” If this is true, I wonder which actor or actors were the deal-breakers? The names that had been kicking in the trades included Travolta, Jennifer Lopez (Sue Ellen Ewing), Luke Wilson (Bobby Ewing) and Shirley MacLaine (Ellie Ewing).

So Hal the coyote had a year of roaming the planet and living off the land, and then a week or so ago some New York City health services guy zapped him with a tranquilizer dart, and then Hal was caged, muzzled, bound up and whatnot. And now the poor guy’s dead…inert matter. Coyotoes are renowned for their exceptional survivor skills — they’re wily, adaptable, resourceful — and know more about the ins and outs of big city life than most humans. If Hal had never been caught he’d still be alive. We all know this. The metaphor is obvious. This is a movie. Somebody should step up and do it. I’ll pay to see it in a theatre, and I’ll buy the DVD.