IMHO the ugliest Robertson Blvd. Christmas decorations ever displayed — red, green, blue and white bulbs wrapped around tree trunks with tinsel-like strips of the same colors hanging from the branches. In London, which arguably knows more about the spirit of Christmas than the government of Beverly Hills, only white mini-bulbs and imitation candle lights are used. Kardashian-style decorations and the legends of Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchit don’t go together, you see.

Look at these humanoids, these Millennial and GenZ fashion plates in their jeans, T-shirts and whitesides, hopping up and down with anticipation of winning a free getaway in Ojai or whatever. I’d forgotten that Drew Carey has been hosting this show for 12 years now…Jesus. Salivating materialistic frenzy by way of a mosh pit. The American dream, the culture we live in, etc. What would Mark Twain, Sinclair Lewis or Abbie Hoffman say?

From the latest edition of Richard Rushfield’s The Ankler: “It’s nice to have a good, old-fashioned complete disaster. There have been flops this year, certainly, but not really full-blooded systemic meltdowns. A flop like Charlie’s Angels feels so half-hearted, a flop mostly for want of really trying. Say what you will about Cats, but it’s not forgettable.

“Universal threw themselves in headlong, gave it everything they had, and somehow everything still went wrong. And it happened to what might be the most responsible, sober-minded studio in Hollywood; certainly not a place given to crazy bets.

“This is the blood sacrifice the gods demand from Hollywood, at least once a year.

“We need these showbiz equivalents of human offerings at the altar now and then to remind us that we work in a business that is not in any way subject to sane rules and predictable outcomes; a business that is to a great degree dependent on the whims of the gods.

“Take a look at the Cats reactions oh ye of Apple, Amazon, Facebook and Verizon. Stick around Hollywood long enough and this too will be yours. In all likelihood, on the film closest to your heart. Beware dream projects!”

Please scan this “Academy Award for Best Picture” Wikipedia page and vote to take back and re-award five Best Picture Oscars. Choose, in other words, the five most appalling and fundamentally criminal Best Picture winner decisions and give that Oscar to the film that should’ve won. Simple enough.

The 20th Century had its share of Best Picture embarassments and black marks (Around The World in Eighty Days, Driving Miss Daisy, The Greatest Show on Earth), but the 21st Century totally ruled in this realm. You know which films I’m referring to. Five groaners in particular.

HE picks: Worst Best Picture Oscar winner of all time — Michel Hazanavicius‘ The Artist (2011) — the Oscar is re-awarded to Bennett Miller‘s Moneyball.

2nd Worst Best Picture winner: Tom Hooper‘s The King’s Speech (2010); in a tie vote, the Oscar is re-awarded to David Fincher‘s The Social Network and David O. Russell‘s The Fighter.

3rd Worst Best Picture winner: Rob Marshall‘s Chicago (2002); the Oscar is re-awarded to Roman Polanski‘s The Pianist.

4th Worst Best Picture winner: Ben Affleck‘s Argo (2012) — in a tie vote, the Oscar is re=awarded to Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal‘s Zero Dark Thirty and David O. Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook.

5th Worst Best Picture winner: Peter Jackson‘s Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; the Oscar is re-awarded to Peter Weir‘s Master and Commander.

I wouldn’t see Philippa Mawthorpe‘s Mishebaviour with a knife at my back. Set during the 1970 Miss World competition, which Bob Hope, an old-school hound from way back, emcee’d. Feminism had just exploded in Atlantic City two years earlier, and this British pageant saw the crowning of the first black competitor, Jennifer Hosten (Gugu Mbatha-Raw). Keira Knightley plays feminist pathfinder Sally Alexander. Savor the joys of an all-female team (director Mawthorpe, producers Suzanne Mackie and Sarah-Jane Wheale, screenwriters Gaby Chiappe and Rebecca Frayn) bristling at half-century-old sexism.

When I think of Sam Mendes‘ 1917 I mutter “hugely impressive tech,” even though it works emotionally and story-wise on top of this. And then I recall this scene.

Again, dazzling tech. But then comes the inexplicable behavior of the German pilot after being pulled from his burning aircraft. It’s even crazier than the end of Alfred Hitchcoock‘s Lifeboat, when a teenaged German U-boat sailor is hauled out of the sea by British-American rescuers (“danke schoen”) only to pull a Luger on them a few seconds later.

The difference is that the German pilot was merely loyal to Germany and the Kaiser while the U-boat kid was a “Nazi buzzard.” Here’s the mp3.

“I”m dead serious”, “hold your fire,” stoking the fire, etc. All of this mitigated, of course, by Spacey speaking with the South Carolina drawl of his House of Cards character, Frank Underwood. Spacey is obviously speaking about his own situation, so why bring Frank into it?