Lars Von Trier‘s two-part Nymphomaniac (Part One lasting 110 minutes, Part Two lasting 130 minutes) will open commercially in…I don’t know where exactly, the Netherlands or Denmark or somewhere in that region, on 12.25 — less than 20 days hence. I would naturally like to review along with the trades so I’ve asked Magnolia reps if they’ll be press-screening the English-language film in NY or LA prior to the Christmas Day opening.

A source confides that the trades “will be expected to review out of Denmark“, although there’s a rumor about a possible L.A. screening. I’ve told these reps that if Magnolia won’t let me see Nymphomaniac in at a NY/LA press screening, I’ll do a Banks and fly to Copenhagen to see and review it.

“But that probably won’t be necessary, right?,” I wrote in one of my e-mails. “I mean, you’re not really going to make me do this, right? Nymphomaniac looks crazy and radical enough to see it ASAP, but I don’t want to blow $1500 bills or whatever to fly to Copenhagen and stay in a hotel…c’mon.”

It was announced earlier today that Magnolia will release Nymphomaniac: Part One (1 hour, 50 minutes) on demand on 3.6.14 and in theatres on 3.21.14, and Nymphomaniac: Part Two (2 hours, 10 minutes) On Demand on 4.3.14 and in theaters on 4.18.14. A single, more hardcore-ish version that will run longer than the sum of these two films (or longer than four hours) will be released sometime later in the year, and will probably have its first peek-out during Cannes 2014.