The world will not have to cope with a Michael Bay-produced remake of Rosemary’s Baby, which was being threatened four of five years ago. Instead there’s a four-hour miniseries now being shot in Paris by the respected Agniezka Holland. I’m presuming she’ll apply the same kind of restraint that Roman Polanski used in the original 1968 Paramount film. Zoe Saldana is playing Rosemary Woodhouse (i.e., the Mia Farrow role). Carole Bouquet and Jason Isaacs are playing Margaux and Roman Castevet (the Ruth Gordon and Sidney Blackmer roles in the ’68 film). When the original Ira Levin book was published in March 1967 there was a sense that the old traditions were falling by the wayside and that Cecil B. DeMille‘s demanding, disapproving, deep-voiced God was losing His grip or had perhaps even died (as a famous 1965 Time magazine cover asked). But that was 47 years ago and this is now. Who is the target audience for this NBC miniseries? Uncultured pudgebods who are too lazy or stupid or inert to stream Polanski’s original? There’s nothing the least bit alienating or “dated” about that film. It’s perfect. It totally works by 2014 standards. But they’re remaking it anyway.

Zoe Saldana as Rosemary Woodhouse, Patrick J. Adams (a dull-looking actor) as Guy Woodhouse in Agniezka Holland’s Rosemary’s Baby miniseries.