The 2019 Tribeca Film Festival (4.24 — 5.5) will offer a whoop-dee-doo gala presentation of the 40th anniversary of Francis Coppola’s Apocalypse Now at the Beacon Theatre. Great — but the people behind this are misleading audiences by calling it Apocalypse Now: Final Cut.

No new footage, nothing to do with re-editing or extra bells and whistles — it’s strictly a technical upgrade thing. “Remastered in 4K Ultra HD with Dolby Vision and Dolby Atmos from a 4K scan of the original negative,” etc.

Hollywood Elsewhere urges Coppola to remove the words “final cut” and replace them with “spit-shined.” Because that’s what this is.

Coppola statement: “Restoring Apocalypse Now: Final Cut forty years later has been a tremendous undertaking and joy that I am thrilled to be able to share with the world for the first time at this year’s Tribeca Film Festival. The audience will be able to see, hear and feel this film how I always hoped it could be — from the first ‘bang’ to the final whimper.”

There are many great 20th Century films that could use some spiffing up, but in my judgment Apocalypse Now is not among them. By my criteria it has always looked and sounded terrific from the very first screening at the Ziegfeld in 1979. God, the moment when I felt those Ziegfeld bass woofers in my ribs…