Jeff Wells

Posted a little more than 15 years ago (i.e., 6.19.07):

Jett and I were at a Carl’s, Jr. around 1:15 pm today, and there were about 25 or more Latino kids there, and every last one was either bulky, chunky, over-fed or fat.

I was watching a Braves-Red Sox game yesterday on ESPN, and I was struck by two Atlanta pitchers — one who was relieved in the ninth inning, and the guy who relieved him — who were both pretty big…barrel-chested, round faces, Babe Ruth-ish.

Earlier this month Jett and I stayed for two nights at a youth hostel in Positano, Italy, and I noticed several zaftig American college-age girls…female Seth Rogens with surprisingly large girths.

“What’s with all the pot bellies on the girls?” I asked Jett. “If you’re going to be in great shape, there’s no better time than your early 20s.” Jett, about to start his sophomore year at Syracuse University, laughed and said, “All college girls look like that…well, almost all of them. It’s college and all those fatty foods.”

I don’t think it’s college as much as good old American sloth. This is not my usual-usual — this country is getting fatter and fatter. I know, I know…who cares? Order another whopper, have some more fries, turn on the tube.

Were the Greeks fat? Were the Romans waddling around like Jabbas in togas? What great civilizations have had populations who were this roley-poley? It’s another sign of the wind-down of the American empire.

If the ghost of Julius Caesar were to visit this country, he would take one look and sneer, “These people aren’t warriors or conquerors…look at them! They’re cattle!”

To hear it from Variety‘s Owen Gleiberman, Barbie director Greta Gerwig managed to transform the material “into an exuberant jokey carnival of fourth-wall-breaking doll’s-house-as-rabbit-hole feminist surrealism — a candy-colored Dreamhouse burlesque that adores Barbie and resents her at the same time.”

He also notes that Barbie “tweaks the patriarchy even as it treats Ken as the film’s most complicated character, and that has the wit to recognize that Barbie isn’t just a plaything [but] a metaphysical projection of feminine ideals who also has the effect of undermining who women are.”

Having seen Barbie last Thursday and having immediately tapped out my reactions (“Undisciplined Barbie Gush“), I was naturally expecting to see something more plain-spoken than “tweaks the patriarchy.” I was actually hoping to see words that actually apply. Words like “misandrist” or “misandry”, I mean.

Gleiberman does have a tendency to lay it on the line, after all. He’ll use diplomatic phrasing, of course, but if an apple tree is full of ripe green (as opposed to red) apples, he’ll say that for the most part.

Well, not this time as neither term was used. “There must be some mistake,” I told myself. Then I realized there was no percentage in being overly candid about Barbie. It had become too big of a hit, too much of an earthquake. I get it — it’s celebration time. If I was a hotshot critic for a major publication I’d probably play my cards this way also.

Read more

Telluride ‘23 certainly has the gay pathfinder biopic genre covered.

We’re talking two films about older gay people accomplishing something exceptional in the face of great difficulty or adversity — Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi and Jimmy Chin‘s Nyad, a “you go, girl!” drama about 60ish long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad, and George Wolfe‘s Rustin, about gay civil rights activist Bayard Rustin (1912-1987).

The latter film is produced by Michelle and Barack Obama‘s Higher Ground Productions.

Because Rustin is (a) about a Black gay activist and (b) emanating from the Obamas (will they attend Telluride’s opening-day brunch?) it will be hailed in progressive showbiz circles as close to the Second Coming, plus star Colman Domingo (whom I’ve always liked) will be pushed as a Best Actor contender, and who will argue against this?

Being gay isn’t a political ideology, although it’s certainly a “yay-yay” thing in progressive circles. Highlighting and promoting gay bravery and assertiveness as the absolutely glorious and wonderful things they are because we all need make a really big positive deal out of gay characters whenever and however they appear, especially at Telluride with the Obamas present…that’s the political side of things.

All I know is that apart from Alexander Payne‘s The Holdovers, the two films I was really excited about catching at Telluride are (or were, I should say) Woody Allen‘s Coup de Chance, which of course won’t play there because of the Stalinist refusenik Woody haters, and Tran Anh Hung’s The Pot au Feu, which I praised during the 2023 Cannes Film Festival and would absolutely love to re-watch in the Rockies.

I wept when I learned that IFC Films and Sapan Studios have acquired Tran Anh Hung’s foodie masterpiece. I don’t know for a fact that The Pot au Feu will be absent from Telluride, but IFC Films distribution deals have always been tantamount to a kiss of death. It’s certainly a guarantee that a first-rate, ecstatically reviewed European film will not be vigorously publicized and hooplah-ed.

What IFC Films seems to do, in fact, is acquire exciting, critically hailed titles only to suffocate and bury them. The Pot au Feu hasn’t been announced as a Toronto Film Festival title either. Things could always turn for the better but right now IFC Film’s Scott Shooman is the apparent villain in this scenario.

Between the certain absence of Coup de Chance, the feared absence of The Pot au Feu and the SAF/AFTRA strike restrictions, my expectations for Telluride ’23 are dimming by the moment.

I was hoping that Bradley Cooper‘s Maestro (Netflix) might appear at Telluride….nope! The word on the street is that it will debut at the New York Film Festival.

I was hoping that Ridley Scott‘s Napoleon (Apple/Sony, 11.22) might debut at Telluride….nope!

I would also love to see Roman Polanski‘s The Palace….nope! Bad person, suppress his film (a black comedy) at all costs, etc.

I’m despairing and downhearted. My spirit is leaking out of me like sand. Whatta bummer, man.

Read more

Regional filmmaker: “If you look at the filmmakers that Chris Nolan admires (Stanley Kubrick, Nicolas Roeg, David Lean. Paul Thomas Anderson, Michael Haneke), you can understand his chilly undercurrents.  He’s the brilliant nerd in the back of the class who fully understands how poems are constructed but cant fully grasp or express their emotional undercurrents.”

HE to regional filmmaker: “I actually felt emotionally engaged when Jason Clarke‘s Roger Robb was fiercely interrogating Cillian Murphy‘s J. Robert Oppenheimer. My heart was saying “what kind of monsters are you?….leave the poor guy alone.”

HE to regional filmmaker #2: “Nolan should never, ever film a sex scene again. Or should never again, at the very least, shoot one with Murphy and Florence Pugh. Within the confines of Nolan World, it’s all but impossible to believe that Oppie actually laid pipe.”

If I was walking down a street and I saw Jelly Roll coming my way, I would quickly cross to the other side. Obese, tattoo face, drug history…later.

“In a country riddled with crises — the opioid epidemic, mass incarceration, the mental health crisis and gun violence among them — Jelly Roll’s music is an expression not just of musical tastes, but also of a desperate national hunger for healing and recovery.” — from Crispin Sartwell‘s “Can Jelly Roll Heal the Broken Soul of America?,” posted in the N.Y Times on 7.23.

HE to Jamie Foxx: You’re mostly recovered & out of the woods…great. But what happened, bruh? Did you have the sniffles or a fever and then it got out of hand? Were you stabbed by your wife? Did you accidentally swallow a pellet of plutonium? Did gangbangers shoot you down in a hail of bullets?

🔥🚨Breaking: Jamie Foxx speaks for the first time following medical scare. pic.twitter.com/ShjvoBFocw

— Dom Lucre | Breaker of Narratives (@dom_lucre) July 22, 2023

Yesterday afternoon Jeff and Saha discussed the Barbenheimer Bait & Switch — the two films having been sold as one thing only to reveal their true colors during actual screenings.

Hey, maybe it’s me. I mean, maybe I’m a little fucked up or something. But yesterday’s HE comment thread consensus seems to be (a) yes, no film in Hollywood history has conveyed such a high degree of misandrist contempt for straight white dudes (men of color and mixed ethnicity being, of course, not only blameless but glorious), and yet (b) none of this matters because Barbie is a huge hit so all those grumpy misogynist dissers are the problem, not the film itself.

Do I have this right? Toxic gender-hate cinema is totally fine as long as it’s popular?

Again, the link.

…that while Roland Joffe‘s Fat Man and Little Boy (’89) is a far lesser film than Chris Nolan‘s Oppenheimer in several ways, this Trinity explosion scene is decently shot…it looks and feels classically cinematic.

Except for two bonehead errors. One is the ridiculous notion of J. Robert Oppenheimer lighting a cigarette at the exact instant of detonation; second is an absurd suggestion that just as the golden explosion is seen and felt and heard, Oppie would behave like a euphoric Wolf of Wall Street broker who’s just closed a huge sale.

In my southern corner of the world, the audience did NOT vibe with #Barbie. It so clearly wasn’t what they were expecting. I liked it quite a bit, but it’s a bit of a bummer to sit through a funny, inventive film with a packed, dead audience who doesn’t laugh a single time. pic.twitter.com/wlTGpDMf09

— Clarence Moye (@ClarenceMoye) July 22, 2023

“Barbie is like the deformed mutated rage child of Captain Marvel, the 2016 Ghostbusters and She-Hulk.

“Watching this film was one of the most miserable, demoralizing, unpleasant experiences I’ve ever had as a movie critic [as it] genuinely made me question where [western] society is heading.

“It is pure brain cancer in movie form, and I was genuinely shocked by the sheer, undisguised contempt that film has for 50% of the human population.

“Barbie real]y is a wolf in sheep’s clothing…a lot of parents who have been duped into taking their daughters to watch this, probably expecting the kind of breezy, colorful, family-friendly movie that was advertised, only to find themselves confronted with this spiteful, bitter, mean-spirited pile of misandrist dogshit instead…

“Think of the man-hating psychopaths who are going to be created because of this film.

“If you’re a parent and you’re thinking of taking your kids to see Barbie, the Drinker recommends that you skip this one and literally do anything else with them. Believe me — you’ll thank me later.”

“Undisciplined Barbie Gush“, posted on 7.20: “Never has a major studio film ever conveyed such utter contempt for straight guys…in its peppy and good natured way Barbie constantly belittles men and regards them as delusional little boys with selfish and thoughtless agendas.

“Red-staters will have problems with the basic Barbie attitude. This movie definitely tries to nudge the little girls and boys that will see it into the man-hating, male-pitying side of the discussion.

“If you want to start your little girl (or your little boy) on a path to despising foolish and idiotic straight men, this is the film to take them to — trust me.

“In a very good-natured and heavily ironic and often comedic way Greta Gerwig‘s movie absolutely DESPISES men. It really does — it’s total propaganda to this effect.”

Read more

The Warning‘s Steve Schmidt has known Lindsey Graham, the shamelessly Trump-fellating Senator from South Carolina, personally for many years. Schmidt has been completely disgusted by Graham since he became a Trump toady seven years ago. He speaks here about Graham’s slimy, slithering behavior — almost entertaining from a certain perspective.