Golden Globe summary: After all the heavy campaigning and two awards ceremonies over the last couple of nights, it would feel more correct and fitting if the Oscars were to happen earlier than February 27th. Wouldn’t it? Isn’t it all pretty much over? Is there a sentiment shift yet to come? Doubt it. And yet we’re looking at another six weeks. I don’t want to screw up the Santa Barbara Film Festival timetable, but…well, the Academy needs a re-think. Really.

10:55 pm: The clapping, cheering and love for Michael Douglas is obviously the warmest moment of the evening. “There’s gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation,” he quips. And the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture, Drama goes to The Social Network. Dave Karger, Anne Thompson, Peter Howell, David Poland and other errant Gurus…you need to take a long walk or a long drive or a long hot bath and, like, re-assess. Okay, don’t. It’s still an open contest!

10:47 pm: Colin Firth wins again for Best Actor for his performace in The King’s Speech. Locked down and Oscar-secured, as it has been for weeks.

10:46 pm: “Poor people are gross and they smell bad.” — quote attibuted to Sandra Bullock by Ricky Gervais.

10:38 pm: Tom Hanks and Tim Allen presenting the Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical award, and the winner — good one — is The Kids Are All Right. Even if it’s not “comedic.” Throwing in natural sprinklings of humor into a relationship-family piece doesn’t make it so. Congrats nonethless to director-cowriter Lisa Cholodenko. Oh, and to producer Celine Rattray, who looks dazzling in her white gown and her Turks and Caicos tan.

10:34 pm: Natalie Portman wins, naturally, the Best Actress award for Black Swan. The HFPA really isn’t kidding around with this Critics Choice Awards 2 thing. Portman is so happy and beautiful, and is starting to look pleasantly and quite radiantly plump — obviously quite a contrast from her appearance in the film.

10:25 pm: Barney’s Version‘s Paul Giamatti wins for Best Comedy/Musical Actor. “People busted their asses to get [this movie] made…I had three wives, a trifecta of hotties, and I got to smoke and drink and got paid for it.”

10:20 pm: How many people are on stage to accept the Glee award for Best Comedy /Musical TV Series award? 18? 19?

10:14 pm: Time for David…I mean, the Best Director, Motion Picture award. And the Golden Globe goes to David Fincher for The Social Network. “Popping for pizza like chiclets?” Oh, sorry…”popping propecia like chiclets.” My idea of a gracious, relaxed and settled-down speech. “I’m personally loathe to respond to the praise this film has received for fear of becoming addicted to it,” he says. I hear that.

10:02 pm: A Robert De Niro tribute. Forget all the crap he’s done over the last decade because he was really great in the ’70s and…okay, part of the ’80s and definitely in 1990 in Goodfellas. And he was! Which is why everyone’s standing and whoo-whooing him right now. Thoroughly deserved. At the mike De Niro acknowledges that Little Fockers is shit. An amusing line about posing for pictures with the Hollywood Foreign Press, etc. He’s reading the whole thing off a teleprompter.

9:50 pm: The Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress award goes to The Fighter‘s Melissa Leo. This is the Critics Choice Awards…admit it! Congrats to Melissa. On her way to a perfect strike. She’s breathless, ecstatic…cool.

9:36 pm: The winner of the Golden Globe Best Foreign Language Film — “a category nobody in America cares about!,” says Gervais — is Susanne Bier‘s A Better World. Excellent call. Bier is genius-level — certainly one of the finest female directors working today.

9:27 pm: The Best Screenplay award naturally goes to The Social Network‘s Aaron Sorkin. “The people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make movies,” he says. (Really?) Kudos to Mark Zuckerberg, you turned out well, etc. Sure, fine.

9:13 pm: Al Pacino (soon to portray Phil Spector!) wins the Best Actor, TV Dramatic Film-or-whatever-it’s-called award for Barry Levinson and HBO’s You Don’t Know Jack. Good call. Wise. Pacino’s quietest performance since Michael Corleone in The Godfather, Part II. Geoffrey Rush‘s head is shaved because…?

9:00 pm: Gervais: “Some of you know Robert Downey, Jr. from the Betty Ford Clinic and the Los Angeles County Jail.” Wait…what’s Downey doing? He’s pushing it. We’re all pushing it. This show is pushing it. (It has to. What else can it do?) Best Actress, Musical or Comedy and…yes! Annette Bening has her win…her moment. Intensely right-on. This is the end of the Bening awards parade but we’re okay with that. We love her, a great mom…cool.

8:55 pm: Justin Beiber is…what, three inches shorter than Hailee Steinfled? What is he, eight years old? Toy Story 3 wins for Best Animated Feature or whatever they’re calling it. Fine, richly deserved, thumbs up.

8:50 pm: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross winning the Best Original Score award for their work on The Social Network means that The King’s Speech is finished as far as winning the Best Motion Picture, Drama award. Right? An indicator, I mean. Dispute?

8:46 pm: Nobody cares about the Golden Globes choice of Best Original Song. Eff Best Original Song. Eff it up the bunghole! And the winner? “You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me” from Burlesque! The trip to Vegas worked! The whores dropped to their knees and delivered!

8:37 pm: Boardwalk Empire wins the Golden Globe for Best TV Dramatic Series-or-whatever. 8:35 pm: Steve Buscemi wins the Best Supporting Actor in a TV Drama-or-Miniseries-or-whatever award for his tough-darts gangster guy in Boardwalk Empire. Down with that. Good show but honestly? I’ve only watched it twice. Is it okay if I promise to buy/rent/watch the DVD box set?

8:30 pm: “Eva Longoria has the daunting task of having to introduce the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press,” says Gervais. “Oooh!” says the audience. “That’s nothing!,” says Gervais. “I just had to haul him off the toilet and pop his teeth in!” Corrupt red-haired scumbag!

8:18: Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey hand a Golden Globe for Best TV Movie or Miniseries or Whatever to Olivier Assayas‘ Carlos. Good call@ Taste buds! Shut up with the prompt music…show respect! These are Carlos guys!

8:06 pm: Scarlett Johnasson hands out the Best Supporting Actor award to Christian Bale for The Fighter. Naturally, sure, no surprise. Are the Globes going to be exactly like the Critics Choice Awards? We may as well face that possibility.

8:01 pm: Ricky Gervais starts off with a few Charlie Sheen jokes…thud. And then a Tourist joke – “It must be good because it’s nominated so shut up. The HFPA also accepted bribes.” And a Tom Cruise/John Travolta gay joke — “”Also not nominated was I Love You Philip Morris with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor. Two heterosexual characters pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke.” And a Hugh Hefner fellatio joke. And a Lost joke — “the fat one ‘et them all.” And: “Here is beautiful, talented and Jewish…Mel Gibson told me that, he’s obsessed! — Scarlett Johansson!”