Since arriving in the thin-air Rockies I’ve been grappling with stabbing pain in my swollen right knee and gnawing pain in my left thigh. It hurts to walk anywhere, and walking around the Telluride Film Festival like Joe Biden feels profoundly humiliating, let me tell ya.

A day or two ago I was half-hobbling toward Telluride’s Palm theatre, and a pair of Type-A women with badges passed on my left. One of them turned and glanced at me and eyeballed my badge. She wanted to know who the gimp was.

I’ve had strong legs all my life, and while I’m fairly certain this current malady isn’t permanent, the idea of resembling a member of the shuffleboard set from an assisted living facility is shattering. It certainly delivers a blow to my own self-image.

I was honestly saying to myself yesterday that I should have brought my shiny black cane with me. (I bought it during my mid-teen bout with plantar fascitis.)

I’ll say it again — walking around like Biden is hugely depressing. I have my CBD gummies, my Advil tablets, my muscle-massage gun and my Nordic Goddess body balm, and nothing really seems to help. Okay, the gummies have modified the pain somewhat but the shooting knee ache has nearly brought me to tears.

Last night I was about to leave for a 9:30 pm Galaxy screening of Pablo Larrain‘s Maria — roughly a 10-minute uphill walk — and I was so intimidated and gloomed-out by the idea of each right-leg step delivering a twitch of pain…I was so bummed that something collapsed inside, and I decided to just crash on the couch. I slept until 4:30 am.

I’m hoping that an injection or two of cortisone when I get back home might make the knee pain subside. Thank God my life activities mostly revolve around sitting — writing, watching films, driving — but the idea of being less inclined to walk here or there because of acute discomfort…that’s the end, man. “When your legs go, so do your professional opportunities” — William Wyler.

Sasha tells me my leg troubles will be alleviated if I start wearing therapeutic ugly shoes. Sasha knows I’d rather die than wear ugly shoes so I don’t know why she mentioned it.