Seven months ago Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, 18, filed legal papers to change her name to a Pitt-less Shiloh Jolie. The basic idea was to publicly proclaim that she regards her dad, Brad Pitt, as some kind of living embodiment of Satan and therefore wanted the Pitt struck from her last name.

Angelina Jolie, Shiloh’s deeply neurotic mother, was the engine and the propellant behind that legal initiative, trust me.

6.1.24: “Why is the divorce initiated by Angelina Jolie against William Bradley Pitt still ongoing and unresolved eight years later? Sane exes don’t behave this way as a rule.

“I’m not the first person on planet earth to rhetorically ask ‘what exactly is Angelina’s basic psychological malfunction?’

Then again I may be thinking too narrowly. Perhaps Pitt is the devil incarnate, and therefore deserves to be hunted down with clubs and spears and burned like Joan of Arc or Oliver Reed’s Father Grandier from Ken Russell’s The Devils….right?

Flash forward to 12.31.24: It was announced at 1:08 am today that Pitt and Jolie have finally settled their divorce after eight ridiculous years of acrimony.

Statement to People magazine from Jolie’s attorney James Simon:

“More than eight years ago, Angelina filed for divorce from Mr. Pitt. She and the children left all of the properties they had shared with Mr. Pitt, and since that time she has focused on finding peace and healing for their family. This is just one part of a long ongoing process that started eight years ago. Frankly, Angelina is exhausted, but she is relieved this one part is over.”