It’s been denied that Cannes Film Festival jury chairman Steven Spielberg and fellow jurors will watch the 20 competition films aboard Spielberg’s yacht, The Seven Seas, during the festival. The 282-foot yacht, which sailed from Ft. Lauderdale over a month ago so Spielberg can live on it during the festival, has “an infinity pool with a 15-foot glass wall that doubles as a movie screen so guests can watch his [films] while swimming or lounging poolside,” according to one description. If I was Spielberg I would do that without apology. I would wallow in pig luxury and tell the complainers to kiss my ass.

Then again if I, Jeffrey Wells, could afford to own The Seven Seas I wouldn’t own The Seven Seas. I would instead buy a three-masted wood and plexiglass schooner with beautiful canvas sails and classic early-20th-Century lines, like something Joseph Conrad would have sailed on in his youth. It would sleep ten or twelve and have a few choice goodies (onboard wifi, etc.) but I’d stop short at some of the tasteless, nouveau riche indulgences that Spielberg has gone in for.