Philip Morris was an I Love Lucy sponsor for four years — ’51 to ’54. This wasn’t a magazine ad but a 1953 cardboard standee, promoting Christmas packaging for cartons of Philip Morris King Size cancer sticks. HE to Clayton Davis: Desi was Cuban, of course, but here he looks half-Spanish and half like Raymond Burr in Perry Mason….kinda like Javier Bardem looks in Being The Ricardos (Amazon, 12.10).

“Suspicious Minds“? Really? Released in ’69, that was a Vegas Elvis tune. And we don’t like the Vegas decline-and-fall years around here.

The real authentic Elvis reigned between ’54 and ’58, and sang “Blue Moon,” “All Shook Up,” “Good Rockin’ Tonight,” “Blue Suede Shoes,” “Hound Dog,” “Reddy Teddy,” “Teddy Bear,” etc. That’s the Elvis everyone wants to hang with.

Does this mean that Baz Luhrman‘s Elvis (Warner Bros., 6.4.22) is going to focus on downslide Elvis, glitter jumpsuit Elvis, fat Elvis, Memphis Mafia Elvis, Graceland Elvis, keeling-over-on-the-toilet Elvis? Does this mean that Austin Butler will do a Robert De Niro in Raging Bull and wear a 40-pounds-heavier fat suit and look all puffy-faced and shit?

Young Elvis is the glorious first half of Lawrence of Arabia. Corpulent, drug-addled, peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwiches Elvis is a tragedy.

The 6.4.22 release date means it’ll probably play at next May’s Cannes Film Festival.

Elvis Monday⚡️

Made a little something to let you good people know we are taking care of business on June 24, 2022.#Elvis #TCB pic.twitter.com/grf8IGqfw9

— Baz Luhrmann (@bazluhrmann) November 15, 2021

As I began to read Peter Debruge’s Variety review of Licorice Pizza, I knew he’d be giving it a pass. Not just because 95% of the the critics are dropping into Paul Thomas Anderson‘s lap, and not just because it’s a half-decent film that doesn’t warrant dismissal. My own view is “good enough, not bad, great ending.” I can’t imagine anyone saying it’s no good.

The critics know they have to show love or the PTA fanatics will slag them on social media. And we know that they know. Because when it comes to certain major directors, the fix is pretty much in. (The Hollywood Reporter‘s David Rooney is the only one who held back and gave it a mild, yes-and-no assessment.)

But I knew Debruge would go easy on it either way. First and foremost because you can’t pan a major auteurist director’s film unless it really fucking stinks. But the bottom line is that Debruge knows the Hollywood waterfront and all the ins and outs. He’s a very sage and seasoned critic. And there’s something in his basic nature that likes turning the other cheek. When push comes to shove he tends to lead in the direction of “noblesse oblige.”

So when a major award-season film has been screened and I see that Debruge (rather than the occasionally scrappy Owen Gleiberman) has written the Variety review, I have a pretty good idea of what’s coming. Which isn’t to say that Debruge doesn’t write the occasional pan. He’s no Scott Mantz, nor is there anything “wrong” in being mellow and mild-mannered and accepting, etc. What matters in the end is how good a writer you are, and Debruge certainly qualifies as one of the best.

It’s not the ignorance — that can always be corrected. It’s the casual presumption on the part of these women that the male version of perfume has the same spelling as the Panamanian seaport. Nobody googled it…brilliant.

In a recent discussion between Firing Line‘s Margaret Hoover and Chinese artist-activist Al Weiwei…

Hoover: “In your book, you describe the directive of Mao Zedung during the Great Cultural Revolution…that would be distributed publicly every night. And then you write — this is your quote — ‘these messages served a function similar to Donald Trump’s late-night tweets while in office. They were a director communication of a leader’s thoughts to his devoted followers, enhancing the sanctity of his authority.’ So do you see Donald Trump as an authoritarian?

Ai Weiwei: “Certainly [in] the United States, with today’s condition, you [could] easily have an authoritarian. In many ways, you are already in the authoritarian state. You just don’t know it.”

Hoover: “How so?”

Ai Weiwei: “Many things [are] happening today in the U.S. can be compared to to the Cultural Revolution in China.”

Hoover: “Like what?”

Ai Weiwei: “Like people trying to be unified in a certain political correctness. That is very dangerous.”

In other words, wokester terrorism is just as bad as any other oppresive mindfuck movement…that it’s the same thing that created the French Terror in 1793 and ’94.

"Certainly the United States, with today's condition, you can easily have an authoritarian," says artist and activist Ai Weiwei — @aiww — who challenged China and became a political prisoner.

"In many ways, you are already in the authoritarian state. You just don't know it." pic.twitter.com/TODgkHaolp

— Firing Line with Margaret Hoover (@FiringLineShow) November 12, 2021

The still-unnamed granddaughter (I’ve been urging Hadlee or Wave) is expected to emerge four days hence (Thursday, 11.18). HE will fly to NYC on 11.26 and pay a visit a few days later. I’ll be in the NYC, New Jersey and Connecticut region for 16 days.

All my life I’ve been an existential mystical jazz cat samurai poet warrior Bhagavad Gita mescaline X-factor rumble-hogging be-bop Dharma Bum in a leather motorcycle jacket, slim jeans, Italian brown suede lace-ups and a black cowboy hat. In just a few days all of that will take a back seat to “don’t drop the baby, grandpa” and “you remember how to change diapers, right?”

Yesterday afternoon I finally saw Joachim Trier’s The Worst Person in the World, the justifiably acclaimed Norwegian relationship drama that led to star Renate Reinsve winning the Best Actress trophy at last July’s Cannes Film Festival.

A side observation shared by Tatiana and myself was that Reinsve bears an unusual resemblance to HE’s own Svetlana Cvetko (Show Me What You Got, the forthcoming One Nation Under Earl). They’re of different generations, of course, but with Svetlana being a younger-looking ex-model type you might almost think “older sister-younger sister” if they were to stand side by side at a cocktail party.

Reinsve will be in town soon for interviews and industry schmoozers, and I’m determined to at least try and get the two of them to pose before HE’s iPhone 12 Max Pro.

Here are some comparison shots — one of the Reinsve snaps was taken during an accidental fire alarm intermission at the Soho House screening room; the others were taken in Cannes. The Svet shots (wearing a cap, accepting an award at the Messina Film Festival, etc.) speak for themselves.

Variety’s Clayton Davis is shaking his woke turkey feathers at Javier Bardem’s Desi Arnaz portrayal in Being The Ricardos. Bardem’s big shortcoming, Davis feels, is his Spanish ancestry, which is an OUTRAGE because Arnaz was Cuban. Joe and Jane Popcorn (not to mention your average Academy and SAG member) don’t and won’t give a shit, but Clayton has a solemn duty to raise high the woke, ethnic-identity, social-casting-justice flag. (Thanks to Jordan Ruimy for the nudge.)

Today, I mean. Via Showtime app. In addition to (sigh, exhale) Rebecca Hall’s Passing.

The Netflix guys offered me a ticket for last night’s AFI Fest VOIR screening, but I had to catch Being The Ricardos in Westwood. The David Fincher-David Prior film-worship doc debuts on “the service” on 12.6.