Mark Smith Meditation on Alec Baldwin

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: I fixed your brakes.

GUY: Excellent, thank you. So the car is safe to drive?

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: What did I just say?

GUY: Brakes are vitally important, you know.

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: A very astute point. I should have that on a poster above the toilet.

GUY: I mean, I’d hate to drive off the lot and have the brakes fail….

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: You and me both.

GUY: …and plow through a farmer’s market or something.

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: Exactly. Who needs THAT aggravation?

GUY: Okay, then. I’m trusting that my brakes have been fixed.

BRAKES R US MECHANIC: Ayy! Would I let you drive outa here with faulty brakes? My reputation, as well as the lives and fresh produce of hundreds of local farmers, is at stake here.

GUY: Great!

[guy drives off, brakes fail, car plows through farmer’s market, many perish]

DA: I hereby charge you with involuntary manslaughter for driving with no brakes.

GUY: Makes sense.