Spoiler warning: Two nights ago I finally saw the second half of Brady Corbet‘s The Brutalist, and I’m sorry but it still struck me as a gloomy, anguished drag.

Yes, it has a certain blow-me integrity (i.e., if you don’t like it, it’s your damn fault and not ours), and yes, I respect Corbet for having pulled off a film of this pretentious scale in Eastern Europe for so little money, but I still hated watching it.

Like Bob Dylan‘s Ophelia in “Desolation Row”, The Brutalist‘s sin is its lifelessness.

I didn’t care for anyone’s company in the whole film…no one did it for me. I hated the Philly-Pennsylvania atmosphere..I wanted to escape from this film more than William Holden longed to break out of Stalag 17.

I couldn’t decide which supporting character I hated more — Joe Alwyn‘s wealthy snotnose or Alessandro Nivola‘s ayehole furniture store owner. At other times I was thinking I hated Adrien Brody‘s Laszlo Toth the most. I’m saying this having loved hanging with Brody’s titular character in Roman Polanski‘s The Pianist.

I didn’t like the grim-slide vibe. All through the damn thing I felt like Ishmael contemplating “the damp, drizzly November of my soul.”

The only Act Two scene I actually kind of liked was when Felicity Jones gives Brody an under-the-sheets hand job. I know that sounds primitive and I’m sorry for this, but I perked up when she leaned over and snuggled up.

If you ask me the anal rape scene is ridiculous. Guy Pearce is playing a tough, domineering control freak industrialist, okay, but why would he want to fuck Adrien Brody in the ass just to make a point? And without any lube? (In Brokeback Mountain, at least, Heath Ledger applies a little saliva.) Why would anyone want to fuck Brody in the ass?….ask yourself that. And it happens in some kind of half-lighted basement adjacent to the European stone quarry? Just a couple of guys in dark clothes and overcoats reaching and grasping and wrestling around?

Don’t even mention the Deliverance ass-rape scene in the same breath; ditto Pulp Fiction‘s.

You know what would’ve been interesting? If Brody were to fuck Jones in the ass. This would’t have made any sense, of course, but it would be bizarre or startling in a way that you wouldn’t see coming. It would make you say “wait,…what?”

Too many critics are bowing down before The Brutalist because it struts around like a heavyweight champ…adopting the posture and pretensions of a Big Important Epic Movie…the length, the overture, the intermission, the social gloom…the whole “we’re hammering home a significant statement about capitalism devouring or at least having no patience for European gentility or integrity”…the general “pay attention to this shit” feeling…the sluggish oomph of it all.

While I completely hated the first half, I merely disliked the second half. So my final verdict ie “okay, not altogether terrible but never again.”