I wouldn’t have gone for leg-lengthening surgery as the Ilizarov Apparatus wasn’t invented until 1949, which Hart, who died on 11.22.43 or exactly 20 years before JFK’s murder, obviously wasn’t around for.
Nor would I have gone to Prague for hair transplant surgery, as the results didn’t look good in Hart’s era. Things changed in 1984 with the introduction of mini-grafts and micro-grafts, which have incidentally enhanced HE’s life.
I would, however, have lobbied to be cast as the Mayor of Munchkin City in The Wizard of Oz. Just for a lark. No, I’m not being cruel or dismissive — if Victor Fleming had given Hart the role, his performance would have been applauded as a witty, urbane, self-accepting thing. Don’t hide from your biological shortcomings** — lean into them.
And I would have worn the same kind of elevator shoes, or “lifts”, that Humphrey Bogart wore in The Big Sleep. Oh, and I would have embraced sobriety.
“Although Hart wrote dozens of songs that are playful, funny and filled with clever wordplay, it is the rueful vulnerability beneath their surface that lends them a singular poignancy.” — Stephen Holden, N.Y. Times, 4.30.95.
** Lorenz Hart was five feet tall. Alan Ladd and James Cagney towered above him.