What’s the actual, no-bullshit reason for the Sundance Film Festival reportedly mulling the idea of pulling up stakes in Park City and relocating someplace else as of 2027?

Festival honcho Eugene Hernandez has offered a word-salad explanation that totally dodges whatever the actual situation might be.

Here’s the first half of Hernandez’s blah-dee-blah bullshit statement, as quoted by The Hollywood Reporter‘s Chris Gardner: “We are in a unique moment for our festival and our global film community, and with the contract up for renewal, this exploration allows us to responsibly consider how we [can] best continue [to] sustainably serve our community bullshit bullshit while maintaining the essence of the festival experience blah blah blah-dee-blah.”

Hernandez #2: “We are looking forward to conversations that center supporting artists and serving audiences as part of our mission and work at Sundance Institute blah blah blah blah blah, and are motivated by our commitment to ensure that the festival continues to thrive culturally, operationally, and financially as it has for four decades blah blah word-salad bullshit.”

HE admission: Hernandez’s statement didn’t actually include the “blah-dee-blah bullshit” stuff, but it may as well have.

Hey, Sundance Film Festival, are you listening? I’m shedding tears of joy over the news of your slow and inevitable demise. You’re essentially dead and nobody cares….in the words of the legendary J.J. Hunsecker, you’re a cookie filled with woke arsenic so get yourselves buried.

Okay, that’s a little too harsh. Let me try again. How about “you’re Frankie Pentangeli before he opened his veins and bled to death in a bathtub”? Does that work better?

Sundance will remain in Park City next January and in ’26, but they’re sniffing around for a new home. The festival isn’t decisively leaving Park City but something is prompting Hernandez and others to say “blah blah blah we’re happier and healthier than ever but we might leave,” etc.

If Sundance wants to extend its contract with Park City beyond ’26, the deadline is October 2024 — six months hence.

Yes, Virginia…Sensitive Gargoyles Have Ruined Sundance,” posted on 12.27.21: