I’ve finally figured out the right real-life metaphor for “To Serve Man“, the old Twilight Zone episode. Sometimes it takes decades for the exact meaning of great art to be deciphered. “To Serve Man,” I now realize, is a parable about the unregulated Gordon Gekko Republican boom market of the last 25 years, the growing pestilence that has finally manifested in our current condition. Think about it.

“Owners of capital will stimulate working class to buy more and more expensive goods, houses and technology, pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, until their debt becomes unbearable,” a certain visionary economist once wrote.

“The unpaid debt will lead to bankruptcy of banks which will have to be nationalized and state will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism.”

The author was Karl Marx, writing in 1867. I don’t know about America going commie but was this guy perceptive or what, given what’s happened in this country over the last decade or so?

It was so cold last night that this morning the normally dark gray asphalt streets had turned chalky white.

My mood perked up when I saw that a King Kong Blu-ray would be released on 1.20.09, only to crash-land when I realized it’ll be Peter Jackson‘s version.

What I would love to see would be a John Lowry de-grained version of the original King Kong on Blu-ray. The grain levels in that 1933 classic are excessive in certain portions, to say the least. That brief scene with four leads — Denham, Driscoll, Darrell, Englehorn — leaning against the rails of the ship and listening to the Skull Island drums is ridiculous. Grain first, image and sound second. An Iraqi sandstorm squared.

Where would the harm be in cleaning this classic up? I for one would buy this Blu-ray in a New York minute, providing the upgrading was done and done right.

I tried to re-watch Jackson’s version a couple of years ago on DVD and gave up about 100 minutes in. I posted a half-positive response when I first saw it, saying it kicks into gear at the 70-minute mark, but the flamboyant illogical CG insanity is all but impossible to sit through. Jackson is one of the genuine charlatans of modern cinema. The nature of his game will be understood only by future generations; present-tense moviegoers, I believe, are too swayed by the smoke and mirrors to see it.

King Kong “is too lumpy and draggy during the first hour or so to be called exquisite or masterful,” I wrote on 12.8.05. “But there’s no denying that it wails from the 70-minute mark until the big weepy finale at the three-hour mark. Monkey die, everybody cry.” I added that it’s “damned exciting in an emotional, giddily absurd, logic-free adrenalized way.”

“If I were a 14 year-old kid talking to friends about all of us seeing Kong a second or third time, I would suggest that everyone try to slip into the theatre after the first hour because who wants to sit through all that talky crap again? Kong isn’t better than Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures because it’s almost entirely about enthusiasm and has almost nothing to do with restraint (bad word!), but it’s still the most thoroughly pulse-pumping, rousingly kick-ass film Jackson’s ever delivered, and respect needs to be paid.”

Boy, am I ashamed I wrote that last sentence. Deeply ashamed. I don’t have a decent explanation except that I’m human and weak and occasionally susceptible to crap.

“Repeating what Spielberg has already accomplished in the Jurassic Park series, Jackson has fallen into a trap,” wrote the New Yorker‘s David Denby. “Spectacle must be more and more astonishing or it creates as much as boredom as wonder, yet it’s not easy, as filmmakers are finding out, to top what others have delivered and stay within a disciplined narrative.”

I’m sorry, but I don’t find the prospect of an HBO series based on a period re-teaming of the Delirious guys, Steve Buscemi and Michael Pitt, all that intriguing, even with the pilot being directed Martin Scorsese .

The reason, in part, is that I don’t think Pitt is capable of submitting to the mindset and behavior of an Atlantic City hustler in the 1920s. He is entirely about one thing, which is exuding his own carefully constructed moody-mannerist thing, which is fine for the most part in contemporary-type roles and films. I loved his work in Last Days and The Dreamers. All right, I’m moderately interested in seeing this.

The boys and I were standing in front of the Eiffel Tower nine years ago this evening, as ’99 gave way to ’00. This was easily the most dazzling New Year’s Eve fireworks display of my life. It began three minutes before midnight (“Wait…it’s only 11:57…who cares!”) and continued to erupt like some Krakatoa volcano three minutes after.

The metro shut down an hour later and tens of thousands had to walk home. It took us the better part of two hours to get back to our Montmartre studio, but the spectacle of it it all was partly Jacques Tati and partly Cecil D. DeMille, like some inebriated exodus out of Egypt, moonlit multitudes flooding the streets and sidewalks…amazing.

A friend and a p.r. guy who works in midtown Manhattan offered an interesting Milk post earlier today:

“After recently seeing Milk last weekend i was struck by its thematic/plot similarities to Braveheart, to wit: (a) both are about a revolutionary figure who finds his calling mid-life; (b) this figure unites a previously persecuted group to fight for change (gays and Scots; (c) in so doing, said figure naturally upsets certain status quo political place-holders (Anita Bryant and John Briggs in Milk, the monarchy in Braveheart); (d) said figure is a great motivator and public speaker, leads troops into battle/marches and protests; (e) said figure is ultimately killed but his legacy lives on and inspires a new generation to challenge ruling authority

“I realize that these themes are common to a lot of Hollywood biopic inspirational pics,” he concluded, “but this comparison really leapt out at me.”

It appears that the comparison between Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and Wile E. Coyote has come from author Eric Dezenhall (“Damage Control“) in a 12.31 piece on Medio. “The people who get themselves into these messes are like Wile E. Coyote…people who are in love with their own cunning who end up driving themselves off a cliff,” Dezenhall says.

I need to stay in the city until sometime in the early morning, despite the intense cold and wind. I live below a family of animals — Hispanic party elephants — who stomp around and play music so loud that the building throbs and the plaster cracks. It’s a fairly safe bet they’re going to lose their minds tonight so I may as well just huddle down in the city and bounce around from bar to bar.

I won’t go near Times Square, of course. New Year’s Eve is the emptiest holiday ritual of the year, and an opportunity for shallow under-30s to act like assholes.

Joaquin Phoenix and Brett Ratner the night before last at a Miami hotspot called Liv. I just sense a great caption waiting to happen. An impressionistic Daily Mail story by Mark Coleman, more or less based on this and other pics, describes Pheonix’s appearance as “bloated” and “disshevelled.” I think it may just be, in part, an attempt to look like Joaquin-the-musician instead of Joaqin-the-former-actor. Still, he does look a little polluted for a 34 year-old. The beard, of course, is identical to the one Bruce Willis wore in Barry Levinson‘s What Just Happened?

Here’s a N.Y. Post/”Page Six” anecdote about same. This is going to end one of two ways — Phoenix eventually going to rehab or eventually you-know-what.

In France Revolutionary Road is called La Noces Rebelles, which translates as Rebellious Weddings. If you’ve seen the film you’re aware the person who approved this title is a moron. HE pop quiz: come up with a better substitute title for Sam Mendes‘ film (i.e, one that relates to the movie in a way that makes a modicum of sense), go to Babelfish and translate it into French, and report back here. Not in English.

Here’s one I just came up with: Egouttement lent d’enfer suburbain.