The Artist dominated the BAFTA awards this evening — Best Picture, Best Director (Michel Hazanavicius), Best Actor (Jean Dujardin), Best Original Screenplay (Hazanavicius), Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, Best Music. With each successive award I felt number and number. I am berefet of all feeling…nothing. I’m a cypher sitting in a leather chair.

Previous Update (1:32 pm Pacific): Nobody with their mind and feet half-planted in the real, non-movie-blogging world (like me) gives a damn about the BAFTA awards. The BBC America broadcast is delayed until this evening, and you can’t even watch a live feed online. There’s Twitter, of course, and the blow-by-blows on various film fanatic sites (like In Contention) but who cares anyway? It’s already turning into a celebration of Artist and Hugo love.

All right, I can support the BAFTA guys giving Tyrannosaur director Paddy Considine their Best British Debut award…fine.

Wait…the BAFTAs gave Best Foreign Language Film to Pedro Almodovar‘s The Skin I Live In? Almodovar never makes a bad film and I enjoyed Skin as far as it went, but c’mon — it’s unmistakably one of his lesser efforts. And they blew off A Separation to do this?

Guillaume Schiffman‘s black-and-white cinematography for The Artist was won a BAFTA award. But it didn’t offer a scrupulous recreation of a late 1920s film, which is what The Artist is all about (revisitings, film styles, getting it right) and what it should have been. It looks a little too glossy and fluid. 1920s films were much more static and antiquated looking.

THE WINNERS:

Best Film: The Artist.

Best Actor: Jean Dujardin, The Artist. Wells response: Sigh..whatever.

Best Actress: Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady. Wells response: Maybe this isn’t such a shocker. The Brits voted for a story that portrayed, or at least reflected, their own history and culture. A vot efor Viola Davis would have obviously been a vote portraying or reflecting American culture, so there you are,

Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist. Wells response: Why not a BAFTA award for director of most widely-liked default consensus film of 2011?

Best Animated Film: Rango. Wells response: I understood and appreicated of what Rango was up to, but I was bored.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Bridget O’Connor and Peter Straughan, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. Wells response: Brits standing up for their own.

Best Documentary: Senna. Wells response: Why not?

Rising Star Award: Adam Deacon. Wells response: Who’s Adam Deacon?

Best Original Screenplay: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist. Wells response: Better than the original screenplays of Midnight in Paris or A Separation? This is lunacy.

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, The Help. Wells response: This means Meryl’s not winning Best Actress…right?

Best British Film: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Beginners. Wells response: Fine.

Best Production Design: Hugo

Best British Debut: Paddy Considine, Tyrannosaur

Best Foreign Language Film: The Skin I Live In. Wells response: They’re serious?

Best Makeup: The Iron Lady.

Best Costume Design: The Artist. Wells response: Those 1920s outfits were wonderful! I loved them! So accurate!

Best Cinematography: The Artist. Wells response: Not that special, certainly not deserved.

Best Film Editing: Senna.

Best Sound: Hugo.

Best Music: The Artist. Wells response: Give me a break!

Best Visual Effects: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

Nobody cares!

The BAFTAs are not even being broadcast live in the UK. They take the raw footage and edit it all into a two-hour package — and then the show is broadcast a couple of hours later.