The bald-Britney-freakout story is all over the place. Fried, over the falls in a barrel…acck-acck! It’s not the shaved-head appearance per se (she could have just done that and kept her cool) as much as (a) that tattoo-parlor employee saying Spears appeared “distraught and disturbed…very scatterbrained,” plus (b) Spears’ alleged reply when asked why she’d done it: “I don’t want anyone touching me. I’m tired of everybody touching me.”

Is this on the level of Norma Desmond walking dramatically down the grand staircase, playing Salome for the newsreel cameras and saying, “I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille”? Or just another standard-issue Hollywood meltdown a la Martin Lawrence waving a gun, or a disoriented Anne Heche knocking on some suburban home-owner’s door around breakfast time?