Whenever I’m near a youngish couple (in a Starbucks or Coffee Bean, inside a gas station convenience store, passing them on a sidewalk), nine times out of ten the guy is apparently saying something really hilarious because the woman is throwing her head back and laughing her ass off. She’s not just giggling or chortling — she’s howling and busting a gut.

I hardly ever hear couples having patient but intense conversations about whatever. They never seem to say to each other “I know, I know, but there’s another side to this” or “please just listen to me…I’m not saying that, I’m saying this.”

This is how some conversations between Tatyana and myself tend to go (not all of them but now and then). How many times do I say something that makes Tatyana shriek with laughter? It happens from time to time, but infrequently.

The best I can figure is that the couples I’m observing are either on first dates or just getting to know each other, and so the women are “performing” or, you know, projecting exuberant responses to whatever the guy is saying. They’re turning on the gush as a way of saying “you’re cool, I like you, you’re a brilliant alpha guy, keep it up.” But it feels so phony. Committed couples rarely howl with laughter at each other’s remarks. When you really get to know someone there aren’t that many secrets or surprises.

All I can say is that the fun couples are a real drag to be around or overhear. More often than not I look at them with expressions of slight disdain, and sometimes…I was going to say that I sometimes convey feelings of flat-out loathing, but I don’t actually do that. I feel the negativity, I mean, but I hide it. Just stop fucking laughing already.

If there’s one thing I want from the next James Bond film, it’s an instructional narrative about how #MeToo and #Timesup have re-shaped our culture and forced sexist dinosaur types like Daniel Craig‘s British agent to man up and face the music.

I want a Bond film in which 007 is told to shape up or ship out, baby! The old sexist behaviors don’t fly any more, Mr. Bond, so sit your ass down, stuff your junk into your pants and get with the program.

Yes, I’m kidding. Well, partly.

No, I don’t want to revisit the old classic Bond cliches, the studly old-school seducer from the ’50s and early ’60s, slinking around and dipping his wick with aplomb. The Bond character has been an openly acknowledged sexist joke for decades.

Nor do I want to meet any more Bond girls or female MI6 colleagues in the vein of Honey Rider (Ursula Andress‘s child-like character in Dr. No) or Pussy Galore (i.e., Honor Blackman‘s tough lesbian who was converted to heterosexuality by a single roll in the jay with Sir James). But at the same time I’m not all that interested in Bond being bitchslapped into #MeToo submission.

According to an 11.6 Hollywood Reporter piece by Rebecca Ford, the forthcoming No Time To Die (MGM/UA, 4.8.20) is “about bringing James Bond into the #MeToo age” and coming to terms with “an evolution” in the basic thinking behind the character and the franchise.

The fact that Bond #25 director Cary Fukanaga has hired screenwriter Phoebe Waller-Bridge (Fleabag, Crashing) to co-write No Time To Die is being touted as a cultural sea-change thing. Injections of wit and fresh cultural pizazz. Okay, fine. But at the same time you don’t want James Bond to be overly obedient…right? He’s nothing without a certain lone-wolf irreverence. Too many progressive agendas will sap the spirit of the poor fellow, not to mention the franchise as a whole.

Lashana Lynch is going to stride on-screen as the new 007 after Bond briefly retires to Jamaica. Cool. But I’ve also read a rumor that Lynch may possibly become Bond’s love interest.

If Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson want to launch a new 007 franchise starring a feisty and fearless woman agent who has the strength and agility to fight Oddjob and other baddies, great. But if you’re going to make a James Bond film, it should be a James Bond film. Forget the Bond babe aspect, fine. But don’t cut the guy’s balls off.

In a 11.6 N.Y. Times op-ed piece, Ali Drucker risked cancellation by writing that Keanu Reeves‘ girlfriend Alexandra Grant “looks” like she could be “close” to Reeves’ age of 56.

All I said the other day was that alongside a 50something movie star, Grant’s appearance at a LACMA event last weekend defied the Hollywood red-carpet norm. “And,” I added, “there’s nothing the least bit wrong with that.” I was all but told to go sit in a corner on my high-chair and face the wall.

I wouldn’t have dared to come within 100 yards of offering an observation like Drucker’s. I was beaten and bruised just for stating an obvious fact. To her credit, Drucker is made of sterner stuff.

The piece is called “If Keanu Reeves’s Date Can Embrace Looking Her Age, I Can Too.”

Grant “is not [Keanu’s] age,” Drucker writes. “But if I’m being honest in a way that perhaps verges on impolite, she looks like she could be close to it.

“And that matters. A few years ago, you’d never catch me writing about a woman’s ability to ‘pass’ for her age, but now as I’ve entered my 30s and have a few lines of my own that even fillers can’t reach, I’d love to stop thinking of the discussion around women and getting older as a transgression. After all, don’t all adults walk around this earth looking plus or minus a few years of our actual age?

“I desperately want to see wrinkles and gray hair as an objectively good thing (look at these lovely markings of your full life on this planet!), or at least as a neutral thing, but the truth is I don’t yet. I’m getting married next year, and much as many brides search around for a hair stylist or makeup artist they like, I’ve been comparison-shopping for plastic surgeons who can do my Botox just right.

“I’m not afraid of getting older. I’m afraid of looking older. And to deny that, as embarrassing as it is, would be counterproductive to the many other women my age who feel the same way.”

In “Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us“, the eldest son of President Trump blasts a high-pitched rant against American liberals who he accuses of turning the country into a socialist monument to political correctness. But a more accurate description of the book might be that it reveals its author to be every bit as devoted to partisan trolling, childish insults and grudge-holding as his father in the Oval Office.” — from 10.30 Guardian review.

Last night I finally saw Annabelle Attanasio‘s Mickey and the Bear (Utopia, 11.13), a stand-up domestic drama which has shown at noteworthy festivals over the past several months (SXSW, Montclair, Cannes “Acid”, Hamptons Film Festival). It’s a modest but solid film, steady and pared-down and fortified by on-target performances and a constant tone of restraint and unforced assurance. You can trust this film and pretty much everything in it — you can tell that right away.

Set in the Montana town of Anaconda, pic focuses on Mickey (Camila Morrone), the young but already world-weary daughter of Hank (James Badge Dale), an opioid-addicted Iraq War vet with a hair-trigger temper and the attitude of a 13 year-old delinquent.

The basic question is “when is Mickey, a 19 year-old who’s vaguely terrified by the idea of living a modest, no-account life in Anaconda for the next 60 or 70 years, going to finally realize that her dad is a nihilistic, combat-traumatized asshole who’s a master of nothing but chaos and incapable of getting his act together, and that the only thing to do is to get the hell out of Dodge and let this dickhead stew in his own juices?”

Mickey is a realist and mature for her age, but she nonetheless believes she has no choice but to take care of her poor, pissed-off, born-to-lose dad. And this unfortunate mindset is what holds things together for the duration.

There’s an insensitive asshole boyfriend (Ben Rosenfield) to deal with, and a promising new guy — a British-accented, mocha-tint boyfriend named Wyatt (Calvin Demba) who, of course, is instantly resented and antagonized by racist Hank. The right way to go is so obvious, but Mickey…well, she’s transitioning.

Hank-wise I understood what Mickey had to do within the first 10 or 15 minutes, but she keeps thinking that her dad might somehow wake up, grow up and pull his head out of his ass. Not happening, girl! The reality finally sinks in around the 96-minute mark, or just before the end credits.

For me Mickey and the Bear is a major break-out for Morrone, who clearly has “it” in the way that Jennifer Lawrence was obviously similarly possessed when Winter’s Bone was first seen nine and a half years ago. The 22 year-old former model and current girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio has only been in a couple of previous films, Eli Roth‘s Death Wish and Augustine Frizzell‘s Never Goin’ Back.

But this…this performance is a knockdown. Morrone doesn’t reinvent the wheel of acting but every line, gesture and expression feels honestly arrived at and dispensed. She’s dishy, of course, but plays every scene without makeup or regard for her appearance other than no-frills, bares-bones grooming. And she never resorts to defensive posturing or calculated “look at my acting skills” behavior.

The screening happened at San Vicente Bungalows. There was a nice, not-too-crowded after-party. DiCaprio held court, and Indiewire‘s Eric Kohn and I spoke to him about several topics (the forthcoming lKillers of the Flower Moon for director Martin Scorsese, the Democratic Presidential contenders, climate change) for a good…oh, 15 or even 20 minutes. Nobody was trying to muscle in, which was unexpected.

Morrone was there also, of course — very gifted and gracious. Ditto screenwriter Eric Roth, director Phillip Noyce, Tobey Maguire, director Eli Roth, event maestro Colleen Camp, etc.

I left around 9:30 pm for the Netflix Marriage Story party at the Sunset Tower hotel, which was well-catered and packed to the gills.

Six and a half years ago I was strolling along the rue de Rivoli, and just as I approached the main entrance of a large, swanky, gold-trimmed hotel (probably Le Meurice) Catherine Deneuve, flanked by a couple of security guards, walked out and got into a waiting limo.

The legendary actress was 69 at the time, and smoking a cigarette as she walked under the rue de Rivoli colonnade and onto the boulevard. I distinctly recall muttering to myself, “Wow…a woman of her age shouldn’t be smoking….she should’ve quit a long time ago.”

Because sooner or later cigarettes will catch up and take you down, if not with lung cancer then with a stroke. Lifelong smoker Joni Mitchell (who was born only a couple of weeks after Deneuve in the fall of ’43) was felled by a fairly serious stroke in ’15, and has yet to fully recover.

Earlier today it was reported that Deneuve is in a Paris hospital after suffering a “very limited” ischemic stroke. Such strokes are caused by reduced blood flow to the brain.

Variety‘s Nick Vivarelli and Elsa Keslassy report that Deneuve succumbed to the stroke “while filming a scene in a hospital in Gonesse, near Paris, for the movie De Son Vivant, which is being directed by Emmanuelle Bercot. Deneuve is now at the Salpetriere hospital, which specializes in treating strokes.”

There are currently 28 Gold Derby “experts” making Oscar-race predictions or, if you will, “spitballing” the outcome. I am one of them, and right now the Best Picture race is owned by The Irishman — 14 out of 28 are confident that Martin Scorsese‘s gangster epic will take the Big Prize.

Quentin Tarantino‘s Once Upon A Time in Hollywood is second with 8 experts predicting it’ll win. Noah Baumbach‘s Marriage Story is in third place with four Best Picture upvotes, and Greta Gerwig‘s Little Women is in fourth place with two experts standing behind it.

The Oscar apple cart could be totally upset or re-oriented when Sam Mendes‘ 1917 and Clint Eastwood‘s Richard Jewell screen later this month, but for now I’m eyeballing a second Best Picture trophy for Marty. Disputes? Doubts?

Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: I’m telling you right now The Irishman is too much of a downer to win Best Picture. Just put that out of your head.
Hollywood Elsewhere: It’s not a downer — it’s an epic art film that ends with a meditation on aging, dying and the importance of family by showing its absence — by showing the end of a life without a trace of family involved. In its own way, it’s a very pro-family film.
Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: It’s a downer, man.
Hollywood Elsewhere: It’s not! It’s a profound statement…it’s saying “watch out, don’t let your life end like this.”
Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: Most people aren’t gonna get that.
Hollywood Elsewhere: And people don’t measure films by the standards of “upper” or “downer.” What audiences care about is whether or not a sense of justice has prevailed…whether the main character has earned or forsaken a chance at happiness or fulfillment, or has gotten what he or she deserved. The Godfather, Part II ended with a sense of justice…Michael Corleone alone in his Lake Tahoe mansion, shrouded in shadows, only his goons to keep him company. People accepted that as a fair ending.
Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: Not to mention the Netflix thing.
Hollywood Elsewhere: The Irishman never would have happened without Netflix! Academy members need to wake up. Streaming is happening everywhere. All the majors are doing it. Get over yourselves! It’ll never be 1975 again.
Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: Plus Marty’s already won a Best Picture Oscar and Quentin never has.
Hollywood Elsewhere: Maybe that’ll be a factor. And maybe 1917 will sweep in later this month and push everyone aside.
Oscar Tea Leaf Reader: Yeah, maybe, who knows.

It was seven years ago when Kristen Stewart and her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders were spotted getting hot and heavy in a parked car. This was while she was hooked up with Robert Pattinson (aka “Rpatz” and more recently “RBatz“). FLASH! Yesterday Stewart told Howard Stern that she and Sanders, who was married at the time, never actually “did the deed” and only, like, “kissed.”

“I did not fuck him,” Stewart declared. “This is like the most candid interview. No, I didn’t fuck him.” Why didn’t she clarify matters after getting busted in the press? “Well, who’s going to believe me? It doesn’t even matter. It looked like…you know, you make out with a dude in public, it definitely looks like you did [slam ham].”

If you’ve ever been in a smoking hot extra-marital affair in which the seams of your jeans are close to splitting open, you know that things get very touchy-grabby when you make out in a car and that “kissing” is never the end of it. Stewart told Stern that the affair was “not innocent,” whatever that implies.

There’s something fishy-smelling about a just-announced plan to cast a CG-simulated James Dean in Finding Jack, a forthcoming film based on Gareth Crocker’s same-titled novel.

For one thing, the novel — about a Vietnam vet determined to reconnect with a combat-assistance dog named Jack in the aftermath of the Vietnam War — is said to be mediocre. A Publisher’s Weekly review called it “sappy and unbelievable.” So right off the bat there’s concern.

Two, people have been talking about reanimating dead actors in newly-made films for many years, but it hasn’t really happened outside of Oliver Reed‘s post-mortem performance in Gladiator, Peter Cushing in Rogue One and in a couple of TV commercials. You’d think that the first semi-noteworthy appearance of a mythical dead actor playing a supporting role would be in a classier, more formidable-sounding vehicle than Finding Jack. Man-dog love stories are about as cloying as it gets in the game of second-tier, sentimental-appeal programmers.

Three, Finding Jack is being co-directed by two guys, Magic City Films’ Anton Ernst and Tati Golykh, and that in itself is sometimes a red flag, especially when one of the guys is named Tati Golykh.

Four, Ernst has been quoted by The Hollywood Reporter as saying the following: “We searched high and low for the perfect character to portray the role of Rogan, which has some extreme complex character arcs, and after months of research, we decided on James Dean.”

Excuse me…what? They didn’t search for “the perfect character” but the perfect actor. The character of Rogan is a human being and therefore a “who” and not a “which.” And the way to describe Rogan’s arc is “extremely complex,” not “extreme complex.” And to claim that “after months of research” he and Golykh decided that only a CG imitation of James Dean could play a supporting character in their film? What kind of bullshit is that? They’re using the dead Dean because it will stir marginal commercial interest in their film, period. And so they’ve paid money to Dean’s family for the rights.

And five, I could see re-animating Frank Sinatra for a biopic — that would be exciting! — or bringing back the young Marlon Brando for a modern-day love story, but the Dean legend is not eternal. He died 64 years ago. New generations grow up, things change. Who other than boomers and older GenXers will care all that much about seeing the star of Rebel Without A Cause come back to life?

Jordan Ruimy’s top performances of the 20teens are, in this order, The Master‘s Joaquin Phoenix, The Wolf of Wall Street‘s Leonardo DiCaprio, The Social Network‘s Jesse Eisenberg, Lincoln‘s Daniel Day Lewis, Blue Jasmine‘s Cate Blanchett, Frances Ha‘s Greta Gerwig, Amour‘s Emmanuel Riva, Margaret‘s Anna Paquin, Whiplash‘s J.K. Simmons and Lady Bird‘s Saoirse Ronan.

HE’s list (in random order): Manchester By The Sea‘s Casey Affleck, The Wolf of Wall Street‘s Leonardo Dicaprio and Jonah Hill (don’t care if Hill is supporting), Joker‘s Joaquin Pheonix (also really good in Her), Silver Linings Playbook‘s Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper, Inside Llewyn Davis‘ Oscar Isaac, Dallas Buyers’ Club‘s Matthew McConaughey, Lady Bird‘s Sairse Ronan, A Separation‘s Payman Maadi, Hereditary‘s Toni Collette, Moneyball‘s Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill (don’t care if Hill is supporting), 12 Years a Slave‘s Lupita Nyong’o, Greenberg‘s Ben Stiller, The Iron Lady‘s Meryl Streep.

Others?