Government censors have refused to permit Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest to play in mainland Chinese theatres due to “excessive length, a lack of story tension and an absence of any inner emotional current whatsoever”, local media has reported. Okay, I’m kidding. In all seriousness, China has banned Gore Verbinski’s blockbuster due to “violent and supernatural content,” according to the Beijing News. Specifically, the government Film Bureau “disliked the portrayal of the souls of the dead and of a ferocious ‘octopus-faced’ character” — i.e., Bill Nighy’s Davy Jones. Really, this isn’t a joke. Did the censors find Davy’s face too slithery-liquid-maggot disgusting or…? Pirates could still screen in China “if it passes a second round of examination,” the Beijing News reported two days ago.