Late December is always a time for summing things up and connecting with core values. And one sure way of understanding or revealing those values is to play the “clap three times” game. If you could magically erase some aspect or manifestation of human nature by clapping three times, what would that be? Obviously an ugly thought in one respect (i.e., humanitarian tolerance is a virtue), but imagine what a blessing it could be for the planet to eliminate venality and ignorance in one fell swoop.

It’s not an attractive thing to admit, I realize, but if with three claps I could make every last Rick Perry admirer vaporize…along with every corporate greedwhore, every last Kardashian, every last global-warming denier, every last rural conservative who believes that Christians are God’s chosen flock, and every last easily manipulated movie-moaner (exemplified by but not limited to that not-terribly-bright woman who sat behind me during my first viewing of Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close along with the general mentality that sincerely worships War Horse), I would do so in a heartbeat.

This is obviously not a very Christmassy thing to reflect or dream upon…sorry. I respect and value traditional holiday spirit. But tell me how the planet wouldn’t be an immensely healthier place with these elements gone and under the cornfield.