“You hear some men say, this is a scary thing for me. I’m now aware of my child’s needs but I’m in a battle about whether or not I can actually fulfill them. Do I have the stuff that they’re going to need?” Wells to new dads who’ve allegedly expressed thoughts along these lines: “You’re in a ‘battle’ about whether or not you can fulfill your child’s needs? A ‘battle‘? What are you, an asshole? An alcoholic? Man up and do the right things for your kid. You know what they are — just do them, ya pathetic fuck. If you can’t man up somebody or something else will step in and influence your son or daughter in your absence. Either way you’re making me sick. If I could step into this Johnson & Johnson short film and bitch-slap your ass for the fun of it, I would.”