[Originally posted on 12.31.22] She likes strong, dominant men and you, ya putz…you’re too smooth and mushy to qualify. Plus she’s sexier and better looking than you. It would be one thing if you were gym-toned with big broad shoulders to match her large breasts, but you’re not. Plus she’s much more powerful than you (economically, fame-wise) and she’ll soon be punishing you for these shortcomings — trust me. Plus she’ll eventually humiliate you when a more suitable lover comes along. And you’ll never really recover from this. You’ve fucked yourself. If only you’d stayed with Debbie Reynolds…
Here comes the snark and the cruelty…
(1) “I’ve never seen a picture of Taylor in a bikini before. Recall reading somewhere that she was self-conscious about her legs. Clearly her standards were higher than mine. Eddie Fisher ‘knew’ Debbie, Liz and Connie Stevens. So despite his rep as a feckless wastrel, I don’t feel I’m in a position to badmouth him.”
(2) “Eddie was a nice Jewish boy from Philly who got to bang Liz Taylor. Seems like nothing to sneer at.”
(3) “I never understood what any women saw in him, much less Liz. Big schlong, maybe? I’m always amused, when watching Laugh-In reruns, how many Eddie Fisher jokes they did.”
(4) “If you ever get a chance to see the Bright Lights documentary you’ll get a chance to see just how bad things got for Eddie. Even though he abandoned Carrie and Todd (and obviously Debbie) Carrie continued to care for him and in one final bit of footage…well, I’ve never seen a live human being look as dead as Eddie did then. Huge payback from a disgruntled fate…or something.”
(5) “Yeah, I don’t know much about the guy, but I did read that his life pretty much unraveled after he took up with Liz.”
(6) “If Satan came to me and said I can be married to Elizabeth Taylor in her 20s but only for three years, my reply would be, ‘Where do I sign?’
(7) “Not a single reference to camel toe. I’m beginning to lose faith.”
(8) “She was a shrill drunkard who liked to fight. Best to walk away.”
(9) “None of Taylor’s husbands were much to look at. Richard Burton had nice eyes but his face looked like the surface of the moon and his physique was worse than Fisher’s.”