I’m sorry but if you crash-land your private plane on a golf course and then you walk away with “blood all over” your face, as Harrison Ford did about 100 minutes ago, you’ve definitely banged yourself up — no question about that. But it seems alarmist to call Ford’s injuries “critical,” as Variety did a half-hour ago. One of the sentences in Alex Stedman’s story reads as follows: “Ford was transferred to a local hospital in critical condition with head injuries.” To be in critical condition Ford would have to be…what, semi-conscious and carried off the course on a stretcher by paramedics, right? His heartbeat would have to be weak or erratic and he’d have to be hovering between life and death. A real man wouldn’t say all falsetto and flutter-voiced, “Oh my God, I’m in critical condition! Help me!” A real man, as Ford obviously is, walks away from the plane like a tobacco-free Marlboro Man and then turns around as he dabs blood from his forehead and goes, “Well…that happened!” For sure Ford will have bruises and may be feeling a little bit dizzy later on, but this is nothing. Water off a duck’s ass.  Update: Variety is now reporting Ford is in “fair to moderate” condition.

Images tweeted by Jonathan Gabay.