Vin Diesel has told Variety‘s Ramin Setoodeh in a “lengthy” cover story that Furious 7 (Universal, 4.3) “will probably win Best Picture at the Oscars, unless the Oscars don’t want to be relevant ever.” After making this claim, Setoodeh writes, “Diesel took a breath before offering his prediction for a second time — ‘This will win Best Picture…there is nothing that will ever come close to the power of this thing.'”

So if you’re in a car that’s free-falling from a plane for a good 60 to 75 seconds from way up high and dropping at over 200 mph, all you need to do is pull a ripcord and a big parachute will open and the car’s descent will be stopped and it’ll float to the ground and drop you on a highway like an autumn leaf? How is this in the least bit transporting? What is Diesel trying to say here? What’s the joke? What drug do I need to take?

Diesel also told Setoodeh that at certain participating theatres in New York, Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Phoenix, Seattle, Chicago and Atlanta, 100 randomly selected males who buy a ticket to see Furious 7 on the evening of Friday, 4.3, or Saturday, 4.4, will be given (a) a complimentary magnum of Dom Perignon, (b) a first-class flight to Las Vegas on a weekend of their choosing, (c) a free suite at Ceasar’s Palace on said weekend, (d) a “welcome to Las Vegas” blowjob from a naked Swedish fashion model when they check into Ceasar’s, and (e) the keys to a souped-up 1972 GTO convertible with a full tank of gas. This offer applies only to unmarried males under the age of 40.