Don’t ask about the emotionally disastrous extra-marital affair that I fell into when I was an in-office freelancer at People magazine, and which continued until her husband found out. No relationship had ever delivered so much heartache, hurt or frustration. Graham Greene and Tom Stoppard had nothing on us. I was a man of almost constant sorrow. I mean I was so upset by one of our arguments that I made a reckless left turn on Pico Blvd. and got slammed by a speeding BMW, and for weeks I told myself it wasn’t really my fault — it was the married girlfriend’s.

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