I’ve known what Uma Thurman has looked like for the last 25 years so don’t tell me. This is not Invasion of the Body Snatchers — this is The Guy Who Did My Eyes Overdid It along with He Also Told Me to Not Wear Eye Makeup For A Couple of Weeks. If this is the new Uma then I’m no longer interested…no offense. A woman’s eyes are no longer the windows of her soul but a measure of how she’s coping with age. Uma’s been Zellwegered. In a sense we all have.

(l.) Old Uma Thurman; (r.) Uma replacement on red carpet for Monday night’s premiere of The Slap.

The real Thurman (with Penn Badgley) last December during filming of The Slap.