HE to Academy members: Oscar voting starts tomorrow (3.2.23) and ends next Tuesday (3.7.23). Did you know that you won’t win any money or derive any career benefits if you happen to vote for the winners? It’s true — you won’t win a damn thing if you fall in with the mob. But you’re going to vote with the mob anyway, aren’t you?

HE is advising members to vote as follows, and I have no agenda whatsoever except for my seething, clenched-teeth hate for Everything Everywhere All At Once:

Best Picture: Top Gun: Maverick, not because it’s the “best” film but was the year’s most important because it really spoke to the popcorn munchers, and in fact lifted them up.

Best Director: Tar‘s dweeby Todd Field, for making the year’s most infuriating and vaguely dislikable brilliant film, which I’ve seen four times.

Best Actor: Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin. Easily the most likable and charismatic nominee in this category.

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett, Tár.

Best Supporting Actor: Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin.

Best Supporting Actress: Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin. Easily the most likable and charismatic nominee in this category.

Best Original Screenplay: Tár.

Best Adapted Screenplay: All Quiet on the Western Front.

Best Int’l Feature: Lukas Dhont‘s Close.