From 2012: I’ve noticed that if you stay at a friend’s place (i.e., not sharing but using or subleasing a home/apartment that they own) they don’t want you boinking anyone. They’ll never say so in so many words, but under their roof they want you to live a monastic and fastidious life of denial, book-reading and mystic contemplation with constant dusting and cleaning on the side. They don’t want any heated activity or discharges of any kind, which they feel, trust me, will sully or stain their place on some permanent level even with the washing of sheets and the use of Glade air fresheners and a top-tier cleaning service. In their eyes a woman staying over is tantamount to a skanky, lice-ridden ho from Singapore having sex with a jungle serpent on the living-room rug. Word to wise: If someone stays over never tell the friend. Deny all accusations.