God help the forces of cinematic aspiration, wish fulfillment and basic decency if Everything Everywhere All At Once…if the fucking Daniels, I mean, wind up winning the top award at this evening’s 75th annual DGA Awards.

Dear God…please, please don’t let this infuriating headspinner…this mongrel of an IRS Marvel multiverse yarnplease don’t let it win tonight. I’m on my knees, Lord…begging, pleading. Dread isn’t the name of the stuff that’s pulsing through my system. Don’t let the Eric Kohn contingent win…please.

Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert aside, the four competitors for the top prize are Todd Field, Tár; Joseph Kosinski, Top Gun: Maverick; Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin; and Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans.

What the hell, give it to Spielberg…that won’t hurt so badly.

The DGA ceremonies will begin…I don’t know when they’ll begin but things should be well underway by 9 pm Pacific. The venue is the Beverly Hilton hotel ballroom, the same place where the Golden Globes happened a while back.