The Declaration of Independence, adopted on July 4, 1776, proclaimed that the 13 American colonies were detaching themselves from English rule and were therefore free and independent states — quite a brave thing, raised quite a rumpus. The United States of America would not become relatively united and cohesive until after the end of the Civil War, of course, but for 130 years the U.S. of A. at least approximated the idea of a nation more or less bonded by shared beliefs, convictions and social goals. That’s obviously no longer true. Today and beyond the U.S. of A. is impossibly divided and never the twain shall meet. The right has gone totally around the bend. The urban Blues are the Czech Republic and the rural Reds are Slovakia, and I really think it’s time for the Czechs to sign a new Declaration of Independence and cut those bozos loose.

It’s not a rumor — the brown areas are where the least affluent, most downmarket, under-educated and culturally resentful U.S. citizens reside. If you can’t re-educate them the next best thing is to isolate them & let them stew in their own juices.

Yes, I wrote about this 15 months ago but I’m talking about the saddest and most personally screwed-up voters (poor health, obese, boozing, cigarette-smoking, gun-owners, living hand-to-mouth in trailer parks or foreclosed homes, driving gas guzzlers, poorest educational systems, highest divorce rates) who live in West Virginia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama, Ohio, Louisiana, Indiana and Oklahoma…in that order.

There are many, many thousands of self-destructive dim bulbs who live in the Northeast, the Southwest, the Northwest, California and so on, but their numbers are less concentrated.

A brief scan of the U.S. Senators and Congresspersons representing the Skovakian areas tells you everything you need to know about why this country doesn’t work and can’t get anything done. Boehner, McConnell — not all of the anti-progressive Congressional naysayers, corporate fellaters, obstinate crazies and climate-change deniers come from these states, but a high percentage of them do.

The Slovakians from the Midwest and South are what’s holding this country back for the most part, and the sooner the Czechs force them to create their own nation, the better off we’ll all be. Sever ties and let them raise their own revenues, manage their own municipalities and nurture their retro beliefs, values and prejudices.

This isn’t the 1860s. Our borders are secure, we have nuclear weapons, and nobody’s going to invade. We can be two countries and make out just fine. I’m perfectly serious here. It’s this or my green concentration camps idea but that one never flew. The Slovaks are infected with levels of ignorance so toxic and dug-in that they’ll be standing in the way of progress for many generations to come. Remove them from the equation and a lot of the nation’s big problems will become much more managable. Not instantly solved, of course, but things will be a lot less crazy and at least semi-negotiable…unlike today.

I’m writing this in emphatic terms but it’s not that crazy an idea — it really isn’t. Just think of what could happen without the loons standing in the way.