A younger married couple I know slightly used to drive a four-door sedan. Then she got pregnant, the baby came and before you knew it they were suddenly driving a big, black gas-guzzling SUV. They bought this fat humungous tank, of course, to fortify a sense of security for the baby’s sake. But I’ll bet anything it was the wife, the primary nest-tender and security freak in any relationship, who pushed for it.

Some guys will buy SUVs to compensate for having a small penis or to feel like an all-around tough guy, but sales are primarily driven, I believe, by “security moms”. Now when I see young mothers carrying babies around in those organic cotton slings I think, “There goes a global warming advocate, doing her small part to bring about the death of the planet in the name of baby love.”